


Repressed

by hikarimitsuko



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: BoyxBoy, Gay, M/M, Smut, Stripper, Yaoi, aot - Freeform, attackontitan, ereri, fujoshi, hikarimitsuko, riren - Freeform, rivaere - Freeform, shingekinokyojin, snk, stripperlevi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:01:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 53,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5787889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikarimitsuko/pseuds/hikarimitsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern day AU. Eren is unfortunately being forced into a marriage he doesn't want. The date approaches and it's time for a Bachelor party. Not an ordinary one. Meant to be a shameful and funny prank, it takes an unexpected turn when Eren gets a lapdance he'll always remember.</p><p>(Just a little precision... It's not just your average stripper Levi... You'll see.)</p><p>hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com<br/>I track #repressedfanfic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): YES YES I'm back with a new fic. Hi to the new people who didn't read my previous fics! SO I'm not sure how I feel yet about this one because stripper Levi AU's are seriously over-used but mine will be a bit different so hopefully it doesn't suck too much. I cannot tell you at this moment when I'll update. I'll say AT LEAST once a month because I don't want to pressure myself on writing but whenever I feel like it, I'll post a chapter I promise. I should post another one before the 6th of feb if you're interested to know. Also note that one of my NOTPs is in there but it's to break it so bear with me. Also I put mood songs at the start of every chapter. Either the lyrics or beat apply. I suggest you do listen to them to put yourself in the kind of mood I went for. Since this is the first chapter, please gimme some feedback? Thanks guys! Also the plot isn't finished writing yet so if you have suggestions I'm open to it. *NERVOUS*... I don't know how I feel about this first chapter yet.
> 
> Mood song:  
> N.E.R.D. - Lapdance

Armin’s look had everything you’d expect from someone who’s about to apologize. I knew this certainly wasn’t his idea, but that he would gladly do it anyways just for the thrill. Jean smirks at me and all I want to do at this very moment is snap his neck. Perhaps smiling is always the right solution. Isn’t it? They are doing this for me, honestly believing that this is what I want and what I expect. Thing is...I want none of this. I didn’t have a say in what my life would be. I didn’t have a say in what I would study, what I would become, what job I would have and most of all... I didn’t have a say in who I would marry. 

You see, my parents had always been seriously conservative. I suspect that my dad imposes his beliefs on my mom though. She saved my ass many times with failed exams and teacher’s notes. She was a good woman. She still is, but the fact that she is forcing me to do such a thing makes me hate her in a way I never thought I would. As for my dad... I never was very close to Grisha for the simple reason that he kept me in a safe bubble all my life and didn’t want me to get involved in anything or even try new things. Of course, who I am today, is who he wanted me to be and here I am on the verge of marrying someone I hate.

I always had the same friends; Armin and Mikasa. We grew up together because Mikasa is my neighbor and Armin lives across the street. We met Jean in high school along with a bunch of other friends that I very rarely get to see except for when my parents travel and don’t check on me every two hours or so, which thankfully happens at least once a month. Armin always was the guy who was too brilliant for his own good. He knew where to go and what to do. He knew how his life would turn out as soon as he turned 6. “I’m going to be a scientist and discover remedies for all these diseases.” that’s what he had told me then. At 6, I wanted to be Batman. Armin, though, had just lost both of his parents to cancer just a few months apart so I understood. He was the kindest soul and yet he was looking at me with a mischievous smile at the moment.

Of everyone in this tiny group of kids, I was the only one that wanted to run away and get a new life. I was the only one who felt trapped in his own life. I mean...I was lucky, I never had to eat from trashcans or suffered dehydration and all other terrible things like people in some other countries do. BUT, my dad was strict. He had one thing in mind; to raise me well. He did well, indeed. I’m now a 22 year old pharmaceutical rep and I hate every single second of every day because of it. Oh the money is good, don’t get me wrong. I’m good with feeding people bullshit and making speeches that will get them moving and buying the products I have to sell. BUT I hate it. It’s not me. I long for travel and adventures. I long for everything I never had a chance to live. I long for more books filled with ideas that will send my imagination into space. I long for papers and pens destined for pieces of art. I long for a night filled with only a blanket on the grass and a perfectly clear sky filled with stars. I long for the key to my cage.

Of course I make it seem terrible. It’s not, it really isn’t. It’s just not for me but no one ever listened so I grew into not saying a word and going with the flow. The same thing would happen tonight and I was excited, in a strange way.

“What’s this?” I ask, pointing at the black cloth Kirstein is holding.  
“Well, we’re not going to let you see where we are going.” He snorts.  
“It’s your bachelor party.” Armin announces.  
“Fantastic.” I grunt.

Jean walks behind me and wraps it over my eyes. I hear a few footsteps and wait for a hand to guide me wherever the fuck it is we are heading for. I sigh and tap my foot until a sudden touch on my lips makes me jump.

“Shhh.” She says right before she presses them softly again.

I return the kiss, more out of habit than out of affection. She eventually pulls away, telling me to have fun and to be careful. I could hear the warning in her tone. She would never change. She was always a sort of protective big sister for me and here I was, suddenly engaged to her. What even happened? To this day, I still didn’t know who’s idea it was to arrange this marriage. I knew that Mikasa always had her eyes on me, but it was in a different way than how I felt towards her. Of course when my dad told me they had the greatest idea, and then basically forced me into asking her to marry me because of her name, I argued and fought for my life, that this wasn’t anything I wanted. That I was not even... Anyways, things being what they are and people never giving a fuck about what I say brought me here. I’m two weeks away from getting married and am now getting dragged out of my apartment by Jean and Armin.

Armin pushes my head down. I lean and get inside what I assume to be a car.

“Where are we going?” I ask.  
“It’s Jean’s idea.” Armin says.  
“HEY!” Jean laughs. “You said it would be memorable; don’t throw all the blame on me.”  
“That’s reassuring guys. Thank you very fucking much.”

They giggle endlessly and during a brief moment there I could almost picture them together. Jean pulls me out of my thoughts by shoving a glass of champagne in my face and forcing the liquid down my throat. I cough and curse at him a few times before wiping my mouth.

***

The only thing I hear, since we got out of the car, is the loud banging music. We’re obviously in a club or some type of bar. I had to assume that this is where they would’ve brought me. Armin says something that I can’t hear and then I feel fingers behind my head. The cloth slowly falls and reveals a very obvious strip club. I smirk. How fucking original? I sigh and sit, knowing there’s no way out of this, waiting for the girls to come out and start their show on the stage that is about 2 meters in front of me. Of course they made me take the seat that is directly facing the pole. I guess it’s kind of a tradition for a bachelor, right? I wouldn’t know, none of these fuckers are married, obviously.  
We wait a few minutes and Jean goes to order us a few beers and a round of shots. Good, if I can get numb, it’s fucking good.

“To a memorable night!” Jean says, raising his shot, clearly about to burst out laughing.

I turn my head to Armin who has the trace of a smile on his lips. I frown but decide on drinking anyways. I think I took 3 shots by the time someone takes the microphone. It’s a very buffed and weird blond woman. She looks like she trains too much and I just glance at Jean and laugh. He’s already in tears and I can’t see why. I turn my attention back to the stage when the... person... with a very masculine voice starts talking. I look back at Jean and he laughs even more at my puzzled expression.

“I present to you: Humanity’s strongest dick!” The voice announces.

I gasp. Dick? A dick? Wh-What? I turn to Jean as the show starts. He’s laughing so hard and Armin giggles silently, trying to make it less painful for me. I’m about to get up when Jean grabs my arm and forces me to sit.

“Can’t get up and leave during a show, you ass!”  
“Don’t care you fucking moron!” I scream a bit louder than wanted as I shove his hand away and stand up.

Suddenly, something collides with my face and I fall back on my chair. I blink a few times and notice the guy twirling on the pole. He probably didn’t do it on purpose, but Jean was right. I remain seated, avoiding eye contact with the half naked body in front of me but it doesn’t last long when he suddenly jumps down the stage and makes his way between the tables, doing this kind of wave thing with his abs and I find myself staring a bit too long when he’s at the table across of ours. Sadly, Jean notices.

“Ahah, prepare for worse!” He screams as he waves the stripper.

The raven-haired guy leans closer to Jean and I can’t hear what Jean tells him but I know I’m in deep shit when Humanity’s strongest dick passes by me and touches my shoulder. I shiver...out of...disgust? No. I don’t think so. Perhaps out of shame. Yep. That’s exactly what it is.

Jean points his chin at a spot behind me and I just turn my head towards the bar. The stripper’s there, taking a shot. He then walks beside the counter and waits. Eventually he waves at us and I sigh. Where does he want us to go?

“What’s going on?” I ask.

Jean snorts, unable to keep his cool. Armin tells me to just go.

“Just go?” I laugh. “Me alone? NO fucking way.”  
“Bachelor.” Armin chuckles.

I try a glance at the stripper who is visibly growing impatient. I then look down at my feet and sigh before getting up angrily.

“FUCK YOU, MORONS.” I shout at the both of them before turning away and walking up to that guy.

He is short, so damn short.

“H-hi.” I stutter.

He simply gestures towards the corridor. I obey and walk in there, noticing a few lined up doors that need keys to get inside.

“I’m Eren.” I say.

He doesn’t reply. Instead, he stops me at the 3rd door. He pulls a vintage key out of his underwear and gestures for me to get inside. I do. It’s a tiny space, a very tiny space. Suddenly I know what is going on and I am going to kill these two idiots for bringing me to see male strippers instead of women. I press my palm on my eyes, hoping it’ll make me blind. Then again... 

He walks in and closes the door behind him. He stays there, his forehead resting on the door when suddenly loud music starts playing. His hips move first and my gaze glides down his back. I cough, uncomfortable but knowing very well that I may not have had a lot of experience in the matter, considering it’s strictly prohibited in my family, but that this guy was having a more than powerful effect on me after only 20 seconds.

He quickly turns to me, placing a hand on my armrest and rolls his hips, making his abs move in an insane way that I am starting to grow addicted to. I raise my hand slowly, unconsciously and he slaps it away.

“No touching.” He says with a stern voice that sends shivers down my spine.

I didn’t imagine him to have such a deep voice considering his height but he is indeed quite manly. And god does he know how to move. The only time I had sex with a guy, it was in high school at a certain party where Jean and I were drunk. His friend Marco... or I believed boyfriend... was high and drunk and shoved me into a room to “talk” about why Jean was a terrible boyfriend. I had nodded at the proper time and tapped his shoulders appropriately because 10 minutes later he was on me. I had tried pushing him away, not wanting to, but then I grew into liking what he was doing. I...let myself... Only that one time. And I knew since then that I was different and that no one would ever be allowed to know. Marco didn’t remember that night, thankfully. I did though, and tonight was a very powerful reminder that I didn’t love Mikasa, not only because of her mom-like behavior but also because I don’t like women. I never will.

He slaps my hand away again.

“Oi!” He says as he climbs on my lap. “I said no touching. I can touch you, you can’t touch me. Got it?”

I nod and try to control my body as he sits on me, and rolls his hips. His hand travels up and down his chest until he brings it up to his hair and pulls gently backwards, showing off his perfect, oh so perfect neck. I lick my lips and he smirks, bringing his gaze back down. Our eyes meet for the first time and suddenly I can’t breathe. My pants are too tight and I can feel him becoming hard. He pauses and looks down, not moving. Then, his eyes search mine while he attempts fixing his boxers.

He then slowly starts moving again, gets back up and continues to do his choreography. My hands move on their own and grasp his thighs. He swiftly turns around and sends his knee to my jaw.

“What part of no touching don’t you get you damn Brat?”  
“S-Sorry.” I cry out while rubbing my chin. “I-I’m so sorry sir.”

He stares at me for a moment, arms folded and a judging glare.

“Those two idiots brought you here to make a fool of yourself but they didn’t know you played on that side, is that it?”

I stare at him blankly and offer him a shy nod. He nods back and restarts the song. He does the entire choreography again, until he sits on my lap and rolls his hips, sending me into a trance. His gaze meets mine again and he smirks offering his neck like he did before and I can’t take it anymore. My arms move on their own and wrap at the small of his back so tightly that he is forced to stay there. He’s about to object when my tongue travels up his neck as I nip and bite at his skin. I climb my way up to a stern and angry look but close my eyes as I force my lips onto his. This is fucking terrible Eren. At least that’s what I tell myself as he struggles to push away. BUT, he eventually starts returning the kiss. I tentatively let go of him when suddenly his hips push me even further at the back of the chair and his hands shove my shoulders against the back of the seat. I thought he wanted to stop but instead he presses his tongue between my lips and forces his way inside my mouth, exploring every part of it before I even attempt to start and join the silent fight.

I jump when cold fingers travel under my shirt and roughly pull it off. He pulls back with an appreciative look and licks his lips before he slides down and kneels on the floor, slowly undoing my belt.

“W-Whaaat? Wait! W-Wait!” I say, out of breath.  
“Why?” He snaps impatiently.  
“I... I don’t know you.”

That was the lamest excuse I could come up with, wasn’t it? Then again, I was nervous as fuck.

“Kid, do you wanna fuck or not?”  
“Oh god.” I blush and hide my face in my palms.

He pulls them away.

“Don’t hide those perfect eyes from me.”

I stare and the thin lips pressed into a hard line as if he was mad. I look back up at the frown that hasn’t moved since I first saw him earlier. He is terrifying me. Not only because of how pissed off he looks but because of what kind of images he sends to my idiotic brain.

“I-I...”  
“You?”  
“I can’t do this here, I...They... They paid you for a lapdance. I-I don’t want to have sex with...someone who’s paid for it.”

He snorts.

“You think they paid me to have sex with you? Listen Brat, I don’t do these things, none of us do these things here. It’s a respectable place.”  
“A-Alright then.” I say with a sheepish smile. “I didn’t know.”  
“Ah too late, I’m no longer in the mood.” He laughs before grabbing the door handle and walking out.

Before I know what I’m doing, I’m pushing him against the door, breathing heavily against his neck as I feel his muscles tense against my skin.

“Oh?” He smirks. “You’ve got balls afterall. But... you should’ve picked a fight you could win.”  
“I want you.” I say, trying not to shake.  
“Is that so?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
> 
> (especially since it's the first one) :)
> 
> Also sorry for the typos and all these things. I speak french and also haven't written anything in months so...


	2. Blur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Well Hello you lovely people! As Promised here's the second chapter! (And... *wink* I will be posting the third one later today as well...now tell me how nice I am!). I am sorry if there are any atrocious typos or stuff like that, I'll reread myself this week and do the appropriate corrections if I notice them. You can now share the coverart for this fic (which I will be posting on tumblr right after posting the chapter). Enjoy!
> 
> Mood song:  
> The Fray - Happiness

Those eyes. Those eyes staring deep into my soul make something bubble up in me. Perhaps it’s excitement? Or amazement? Or...oh damn! A fucking dream.

“SHIT!” I shout as I sit up straight and run as quickly as possible to the bathroom.

After a few minutes of regretting my recent life choices, I find myself wondering why the fuck I’m throwing up. Mikasa pushes the door open and gently puts a wet towel at the back of my neck.

“What happened?” I ask with a weak voice.  
“You don’t remember?”  
“I vaguely remember Armin? Maybe Jean? What was I doing?”  
“It was your bachelor party, Eren.” She sighs. “I will kill the both of them for making you this drunk.”  
“Bachelor...” I mumble against the toilet seat before my stomach decides it needs a lot more space than what I already cleared.

Mikasa eventually walks away, seeing that this isn’t about to stop anytime soon. 

About 15 minutes later, I feel good enough to actually lie down on the cold tiles. The ceiling spins just a little so I decide that I should stay here for a while. My mind is a blur and all I know, is that there is this weird feeling lingering inside of me. As if I was truly happy for once. It’s hard to tell since I never really feel that good. It’s also pretty lame considering being hangover isn’t something to be happy about. I can’t shake the feeling off though. I’m happy. I’m fucking ecstatic and I have no idea why. Whatever I did last night must have been pretty epic for me to wake up in such a good mood after ditching 3 days worth of food down the drain.

I wake up two hours later, covered in my own drool and smelling just as bad as anyone could imagine. I call out Mikasa’s name but she probably left to do some other wedding stuff I couldn’t care less about. Slowly, I push myself up and sit. I feel much better but surely will be hit by a migraine in little to no time. I undress myself and crawl into the shower, hoping the heat will diminish the squeezing I’m starting to feel behind my eyes. It seems to do a good job and I slowly start gliding the soap bar everywhere on me. I close my eyes, appreciating the heat gliding on my back and then move my hands a little lower, giving myself an intense shiver. I look down and see that I’ve become hard in less than a few seconds. To stroke or not to stroke, that is the question. I start to caress myself when my mind sends me images of a piercing gaze that makes me growl. I pause and slide a hand down my back. I... No. I close my eyes again and start touching my entrance gently, realizing that just this, sends my mind reeling way more than it should. I stop, confused and just keep washing myself until I realize my boner isn’t going anywhere. I quickly jerk off, trying not to think of what images my mind sends to me as I do.

 

I attempt fixing my hair, as usual, but decide to leave it be the casual mess it always was and always will be. A few strands brush on my forehead, sending a few droplets down my face that somehow make me think of something else.

“What the fuck?” I sigh as I pull out my phone.

I scroll for Armin in my contacts and press the button. It takes a few minutes until he finally picks up.

“Eren!” He says. “Glad to see you made it through the night!”  
“Shut up! What did you guys do to me? I threw up all morning and can’t remember shit!”  
“Are you serious?” He laughs. “Oh god, get dressed, I’ll be there in a few.”

I sigh as he hangs up, not bothering to say bye. Isn’t this the most annoying thing in the world? People on the phone who just end the call right in the middle of a sentence? Isn’t it something normal to say bye? Or even ‘Roger that’... you know...something. Then again, I may be in a good mood, but I’m also grumpy about not remembering why. Human contradiction, that’s how I feel.

***

“When I told you to get dressed, I meant more than just boxers.” Armin says as I open the door.

He walks in and falls ungracefully on the couch, spilling a few drops of the coffee he’s handing me.

“Thanks.” I say before taking a sip.  
“So you don’t remember at all?” He says, definitely biting his lip not to laugh.  
“Look, can you stop this and tell me already?” I ask, growing impatient. “I felt good this morning but now I’m questioning whether or not I made an ass of myself in front of tons of people. Can you clarify now?”

“Sure.” He says. “We brought you to this male stripper bar, got you a lapdance and I honestly had no idea how much money Jean gave to the guy for it to be that long, but I guess he also wanted you to remember this prank forever. Then, when you finally came out, dishevelled and looking like someone stole your lollipop, Erwin announced a special dance and turns out the guy who gave you a lapdance forced you to go on stage and showed you a few dance pole moves. He laughed probably as much as the entire room. SO... In a way, you made an ass of yourself, but it was funny and you looked like you were having a lot of fun, especially when he showed you how to get undressed in a sexy manner.”  
“I GOT FUCKING NAKED?” I shout, trying to take in all this information. “And who the fuck is Erwin?”

Armin bursts out laughing.

“Of course not, you just took off your shirt, shoes, socks... Nothing special don’t worry.” He says. “And Erwin is the blond woman. The manly one, remember? He’s a drag and he was quite fun to be around in fact.”  
“But why don’t I remember all this?”  
“Because Jean told that Erwin guy that it was your bachelor. He’s friends with the owner so he asked the manager if he could send a few rounds for us. The stripper and Erwin even took a few with us. At some point I stopped drinking to be sure to be able to call a cab and get us all home. Jean and I carried you to your bed and Mikasa took care of you after that. You totally blacked out.”

I take a few minutes to think. This certainly was a funny and weird night but nothing I can see in what Armin is saying could’ve made me feel this way. I haven’t felt like that in years and it’s not like I never partied with my group of friends when my parents weren’t home. Getting drunk was checked on my bucket list a long time ago. Partying until you don’t remember anything at all too. But feeling happy...feeling as if I was doing something for me, that just rarely happens. I need to know more.

“What bar was it?” I ask, raising my gaze to meet Armin’s.  
“Why, you wanna go back?” He laughs. “No need to apologize to them, I’m pretty sure everyone had a lot of fun too.”  
“I know...I just... I hate not remembering things. It’s just like those nightmares with my dad in it, the ones that seemed so real, you know which ones?”  
“Yeah I remember you mentioning them.” He says. “Do you want me to go with you then?”  
“NO!” I say a bit too abruptly. “I mean, no. I just need to clear my head and fresh air might help. I’ll drop by the bar later, I have to go sign some paper for the wedding and I have to go see my mom as well. Thanks Armin.”  
“I’m sorry about it all by the way, but it’s a once in a lifetime event to have a bachelor so I’m sure you understand and I hope you’re not mad at us.”

I smirk at him and gently punch his shoulder, ignoring how ‘bachelor’ and ‘once in a lifetime’ make me feel trapped in a situation I never wanted.

“How could I be mad because Armin Arlert went to a fucking bar and drank with me? This never happens! You made history as much as I did!”

***

“Who are you texting?” My mom asks.  
“No one, it was just Jean, bothering me.”  
“Did you have fun last night?” She asks as she hands me back the 3 books that Mikasa asked her to look at.  
“Hum yeah. It was fun. It...was great and all.”  
“I’m glad.” She says with a sincere smile that quickly fades. “A-Are you okay, Eren?”

I quickly straighten up, noticing how I zoned out without meaning to.

“Yeah yeah, sure!” I say as reassuringly as possible. “I’m just nervous.”  
“Are you sure?” She asks, taking my hand. “Because you seem tense... I’d even go as far as saying you look sad.”

I gaze into her eyes and the silence drags on. Her knowing eyes beg me to tell her what’s wrong and I almost do. But I don’t. Because if I tell her that I don’t want this, she’ll tell my dad and he will argue with her and even more with me. I take a deep breath and smile.

“I’m sure. I’m alright, just a bit hangover, don’t worry.”  
“Okay.” She says, visibly not convinced. “Are you staying for diner?”

I shake my head and slowly head for the door, knowing she’ll follow me.

“I still have a few errands to run and I plan on going to bed early.”

She kisses me on the cheek and waves as I walk out to my car. I only let the tears fall once I’m a block away from my childhood home. It doesn’t last long though. After all this time, I managed to learn how to control it. To keep it bottled up inside and act as if nothing happened. This time though, it’s easier because I have a goal in mind. I head for the bar and it only takes me about 15 minutes to get there. I find a parking spot on the other side of the road and slowly make my way to the door under the neon lights. Sadly, “Alchemy” is apparently closed because the door’s locked. I shove my hands in my pockets, angry that I can’t go in. A little paper in the tiny window shows that it’s always closed on Sundays. Well fuck. I shall wait until after work tomorrow. Who the hell names their stripper bar Alchemy anyway? What the hell does it even have to do with it? I mumble to myself as I head back to my car. Then, I spend approximately two hours running around town, not wanting to go back home and have to tolerate Mikasa’s cuddling and kisses and even just her general presence. It’s so sad that we were such good friends and that this destroyed it all. I dislike her more than I should. She hasn’t done anything wrong. If anything, I’m the asshole for pretending, but it’s not like I have a choice. I never had a choice. Eren Jaeger isn’t allowed to hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N)Comments are read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
> 
> Hope you liked it :)


	3. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Here you go for chapter 3! You'll have to wait for chapter 4 a while because... I have a lot to write on there and...you know...Ah...i'm not spoiling you, forget it. But yeah, chapter 4 should be interesting. *wink*. Hope you still like this, its surprisingly hard to write after getting so used to extra pepperoni (its hard detaching myself from that story). SO.... enjoy :D
> 
> The song Levi dances to:  
> The weekend - Wicked games  
> (yes i know I already used it before in another fic but this is such a lusty song...i can't not use it 20 times)

**EREN POV**

I spill coffee on my favorite pair of pants. A pair that, I think, makes my ass look fucking GREAT, and that I decided to wear today to go back at the bar. This morning, it felt important to dress nice for some reason. I guess not knowing what to expect from this place is one of them.

The day has been one of the longest of my life. I had two meetings out of office and one in my office, leaving little to no time to try and dig some information on Alchemy. I only have one meeting left before I can finally leave. I texted Mikasa pretending I’ll have to finish an hour later.

***  
As I walk in, all I notice is how empty the place is on a Monday evening. Like in any stripclub, there are the usual creeps and others who are just there for the bar. I head there, where I see a guy dressed in a nice waistcoat that looks very good on him. He smiles when he notices me approaching.

“Eren!” He smiles with perfectly aligned teeth. “Missing us already?”  
“Hum.” I pause. “Excuse me? Do I know you?”

He holds out his hand as he throws his black apron over his shoulder.

“Erwin. You don’t remember me?”  
“Oh!” I say, genuinely surprised that he isn’t dressed as a woman tonight. “I...didn’t recognize you. I...also don’t remember you if that makes sense. My friend Armin said I drank too much so... I came here to refresh my memory?”  
“I see. Well, I only spent about an hour with you but Levi has been with you all evening so perhaps you’d like to sit and wait for him?”  
“Levi?” I ask. “Hum yeah sure. Will it take long?”  
“He’s done in 20 minutes.”  
“Alright, I’ll wait. Thank you!”  
“Pleasure seeing you again, see you some other time?” He smirks.  
“Maybe.” I laugh.

I sit on one of the couches facing the desert stage and wait. A guy in the back is talking to a waiter and very obviously trying to flirt. He slips a few dollars in his pants pockets and right away the waiter becomes a whole lot nicer to the creepy old man. A girl, sitting alone at the back, is talking loudly about how the lapdances aren’t long enough. I laugh at myself and my mind drifts away when suddenly the room goes dark for a moment before darker shades of blue lights illuminates the stage, projecting mainly shadows in front of me. The shape of a guy slowly and lustfully walking to the dance pole is noticeable but the details of his face remain hidden due to the low lighting. The muscles do catch the reflection though, sending a jolt down my spine as I see a series of abs rolling against the pole, followed by a very obvious buldge in the guy’s underwear. Is it, hot in here? I don’t remember this weekend but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t this hot. I take my vest off and throw it on the chair beside me, still staring at the show. I place my palms on my eyes, trying to remember the exact reason why I came here. This, obviously isn’t helping me remember. I stand up and look at my cellphone. I’ve been here 15 minutes. I should leave soon. The stripper slowly gets out of the stage as the music fades away and I can’t help but feel relief when I walk back to the bar and ask for a glass of water. The petite woman behind the counter glares at me above the frame of her glasses.

“We don’t serve water to the non customers.” She says.

I’m about to object when Erwin comes back.

“He’s fine Rico, you can give him whatever he wants.”

I nod at him he nods back before starting to talk with a waiter at the other end of the bar. Rico gives me my glass...or well...shoves it in my hands and I see it as a queue to go sit elsewhere as I wait for... what was his name?

***

**LEVI POV**

“Levi!” Erwin says as he pushes the curtains out of his way. “The kid is back.”  
“The kid...?” I say. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
“The kid. The funny one from Saturday.”  
“Hum.” I mumble while I continue getting dressed.  
“The brown mop of hair with the gorgeous pair of eyes! Levi!”  
“OH!” I say, trying to look as calm as can be. “That brat, of course I remember, I had to dance for this moron.”

Erwin glares at me with a knowing look.

“He’s here to see you.” Erwin adds.

I whip my head in his direction with raised eyebrows and he already has a smirk plastered on his face.

“I fucking hate when you do that.”  
“Do what?” He asks.  
“Read my fucking mind. Go away with your eyebrows!”  
“Ahah fine, but don’t make him wait, he seemed in a hurry.”  
“Piss off.” 

I hear his laugh echo in the corridor as he walks away. I glance behind my shoulder and am relieved to see i’m alone. A small smile creeps up on my face as I triple check how my hair looks. This is fucking ridiculous of me, but I also know I want his precious ass again so better not take any chance.

I put on my hoodie and let it hang open over my button up shirt. I glance down and pause before the curtains. I undo another button at the top...just...because. Then, I walk out in the corridor, up to the corner where it meets the end of the bar. I glance at the tables, he’s not there, nor is he at the bar. It takes me a while to spot him, well his back, but the hair is unmistakeable. He is wearing a fucking suit. How perfect? I pull out my most bored expression and start walking confidently towards him.

***

**EREN POV**

“Eren.” A low voice calls and I turn my head instinctively.  
“L-Levi?” I stutter, because oh my god the man is hot.  
“Sorry to keep you waiting, I had to finish my performance first.”  
“P-performance?” I say. “That was you up on the stage? Are... are you the one from Saturday?”

I can see, at his puzzled expression, that he doesn’t get it.

“I drank too much, I can’t remember anything from Saturday and hum... Erwin? Said you could help me remember what I did or if I did anything stupid? I kind of hate not knowing.”

He sighs loudly.

“Shitty brat, wasting my time.” He says as he turns around with a pissed off glare.

I get up and put a hand on his shoulder, when I notice he’s kinda short. Short... He’s short... Why does this make me dizzy?  
He stops and turns around with a warning glare. I think touching isn’t a good idea.

“I said no touching. Got it?”

A flashback of the lapdance comes back to my mind and I smile at him.

“OH, you told me that as you danced! I tried... I tried touching you?” I ask, mortified.  
“Oh boy... you’re a fucking idiot.” He says.  
“W-What? Why?”  
“Because you’re young and stupid and you get drunk and do mistakes and basically you live your life like an 18 year old not caring about the consequences or about what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Getting drunk is just another day for you, am I right?” He laughs sarcastically.

I stare blankly at him before I wrap my hand around his wrist and squeeze.

“Excuse me?” I say through gritted teeth. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t know me at all, how dare you? You’re so much better than me, right? You’re a fucking stripper Levi!”

He shoves my hand away, visibly hurt but mainly pissed. He turns around and waves at Erwin, not even bothering to tell me he’s leaving. I dash forward and grab his wrist again.

“Let.Go.Of.Me.” He says, detaching every word and making sure every single one of them got though my head.  
“I’m sorry.” I add. “I shouldn’t have said that.”  
“I don’t want your apologies.” He said, forcing me to let go.

“Then, what if I pay you for 2 hours worth of lapdances and you tell me what I want to know.”

He pauses and turns around.

“My shift is over. It would be overtime price.”  
“I don’t care.” I say. “And I truly am sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.”

I gaze into his eyes and suddenly something flicks in my head. Was he...is he....Impossible. Is he the guy I dreamed about? Those eyes...

“Alright.” He sighs. “Let’s head back.”

I smile before I follow him in the corridor that leads backstage with a questioning look.

“What is it?” He says, not bothering to look back at me.  
“I’m just wondering why we can’t stay in the bar to talk.”

He stops, drops his bag and turns toward me. He cocks his head and smirks.

“You really don’t remember, do you?” He asks.

I shake my head, terrified at how close he suddenly is. He takes a few steps forward until his body is probably about an inch away from mine. He slides his hand down my abs and I jump when he quickly goes down and grabs my junk over my pants.

“What the fuck?” I whisper, panting.  
“Still don’t remember?” He laughs. “Alright.”

He gets on the tip of his toes and takes his sweet ass time, giving me way more than I would need to pull away, to walk away, to run away. Yet, my feet are pinned to the ground and my hands find their way to his back as his lips softly press against mine.

Instantly, my mind flashes with images I can’t believe would be mine. Are they? Is this even real? It’s all a blur, it’s all incoherent, but so realistic. Me, shoving him against the door, him grabbing my wrist, forcing me to my knees, me licking his stomach with such an eager look that I doubt it’s even me who did this, him...bending me over a chair, me....straddling him. T-The best orgasm I ever fucking had. Now... if I wasn’t sure I was gay, I certainly am now.  
A second later, I realize his mouth is still on mine and I pull away abruptly.

“We fucked?” I ask incredulously.  
“Oh yes we did.” He says. “So you remember?”  
“I...remember that part.” I say, blushing.  
“So we’re done here.” He announces as he starts to walk away.

I let him, only for a minute until I finally realize I don’t want him to.

“No! Wait!” I say, grabbing his arm. “I...I’d like to know what else I did? On stage and all?”  
“Then, perhaps you’ll come back tomorrow evening if you really want to know.”  
“I-I’m not sure...”  
“You’re not sure what?” He says impatiently. “Either you come back tomorrow to know the rest of what happened, or you fuck off and never know.”  
“I meant I’m not sure I can tomorrow!” I say a bit more roughly. “Why the fuck are you so blunt and so angry? You should try and stop frowning some time!”  
“It’s part of my charm.”  
“I’d say it’s probably part of why people must call you an asshole behind your back.”

He shoves me against the wall. Literally, it takes him only a second to shove me against the wall. I’m tempted to laugh but am too damn scared.

“Careful with that sharp tongue of yours, brat. I might have to teach you manners.”  
“I could say the same.” I laugh.  
“Stop defying me.” He adds with a warning glare.  
“Or what, you’re going to spank me?” I say with a cocky smile.  
“Perhaps I fucking will!” He says as he turns around to leave. “See you tomorrow, Eren and get your pants cleaned, it’ll stain.”

The blood drains from my face as I realize what I just did. I shouldn’t have remembered. It would’ve been better because now I’m in deep shit and I’m pretty sure it’s going to hit the fan at some point. Why? Because my heart beats at a hundred miles an hour just imagining his hands on me again. I have to come back tomorrow and get the rest of the story. As if I wasn’t going to come back anyways. I let myself glide down to the floor and sit there for a moment, baffled at my own stupidity and with only one thing in mind; his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
> 
> any thoughts on what will happen in next chapter? (muahaha)


	4. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Yo! Surprise double-update. In fact that was originally one chapter but I got carried away.........lol SO, enjoy! Also thanks for the comments on this fic so far. I was sort of second-guessing this entire story and felt kind of weird about it but your comments and those two new chapters totally unblocked me and I'm super excited for what's to come. Hope you'll like it!!
> 
> Mood song:  
> Years and Years - Ties 
> 
> (thanks to Leilani for the song that fitted perfectly with what I wanted!)

**EREN POV**

She turns on her side and wraps her arm around me, certainly hoping I’ll do the same. I do and she probably sees it as a sign that I’m awake. Her hand glides down my stomach and when it reaches the hem of my boxers, I stop her.

“Too tired.” I mutter against the pillow.

When in fact, I simply cannot stop thinking about Levi, about the memories from that night. It’s nothing special, it’s just a quick fuck with a stranger, yet it feels like such a discovery for me, such a confirmation that I’m not built for this. I’m not even sure how I’ll ever be able to touch Mikasa this way again. I’ll have to, which is terrible and my heart clenches at the thought that time is slipping in my hands and that every door is closing in my face.

I tried to sleep, of course, but my mind keeps going back to this bar, to this key that gave me what I’ve been needing for years. I know I’ll have to go back tonight. Although I will keep telling myself it’s to know what else I did, I know that part of me just wants to see that angry glare again.

 

***

I wake up a bit late, probably the result of hitting the snooze button too many times. I crawl out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. Mikasa is straightening her hair and I give her a quick peck on the cheek before I climb in the shower. I basically stand there, waiting until she gets out to give my raging hormones a reason to fuck off. She takes her time though, making sure that she looks perfect, as usual.

“We have cake tasting tonight.” She says.  
“Fuck.” I growl.

She throws the curtain to the side, not caring one bit about the cold air rushing towards me.

“Damn! Mikasa!” I shout.  
“Why ‘fuck’?” She asks with a warning glare.  
“I have to work again tonight.” I sigh, taking some shampoo out of the bottle to try and hide my ears as I speak. “W-We have this huge client that’s about to slip away and the boss invited them to dinner. He said I have to go too.”

She looks down to the floor and sighs.

“Alright. I guess mom will taste it with me and decide.”  
“I’m sorry” I add right away, feeling like the biggest jerk on earth. What the fuck am I going to do, I can’t keep doing this to her.  
“It’s okay, I understand that it’s important.”

 

She then closes the curtain and walks away, leaving me there, feeling like the worst human being that ever walked this earth. I will need to talk to someone before I explode. Perhaps Armin? I think of all the people he would understand me best.

***

Half an hour later, I’m dressed and ready to go but I decide to give a quick call to Armin. 

“Hello, you’ve reached Armin, I’m unavailable at the moment, please leave a message.”  
“Hey! Hum...” I pause. “If you’re free for lunch, I’d like to talk about something and I think you could maybe help me? Anyways, call me back, okay? Bye.”

***

The day goes by pretty fast and it’s pretty dull, in fact. I told Mikasa we were having these big rushes with new clients and ones that threatened to leave us, but it was pretty much all lies so I could get them all off my back, especially with wedding shit. The truth is, it’s pretty calm so I have enough time to work on older cases that I’ve dragged on for a while. Armin never called me back, leaving my mind free to think of every possible scenario where everything is going to shit, because I know it will. Thank god for work even though I hate it.   
By the end of the day, I feel at least a bit more free and less stressed because I went through a huge pile of work that had been laying on my desk for a while. I guess I wanted to distract myself too, but now is the time for me to leave for Alchemy. I’m so nervous, I’m not even hungry, so stopping by a fast food isn’t even something I consider.

I drive straight there and find it harder to find a parking space tonight. It’s sort of a busy street although I’m pretty sure Alchemy’s customers aren’t the ones using the most spaces. After 10 minutes of turning around, I find a spot on a side street and start walking towards the bar, thinking of every single reason why I should not be doing this, which are automatically erased as I walk in and see who’s up on stage dancing to Ties by Years and Years. I know the song because it’s one of Jean’s favorite and it got to the point where I was fucking annoyed with it. I have to say that now, my opinion has literally changed.

I walk straight up to one of the front chairs and stare, trying not to get drool on my shirt but mainly trying not to let anyone see that I’m fucking hypnotized by the way he swirls around the pole and moves his hips as if he was fucking every square inch of air in the area. Distinct flashes of last weekend pop up in my head and I remember his cock, which I guess could be considered a little over average but so perfectly thick and with just the right curve to do magic. It... everything about this guy is perfect and even if I only get to fuck one other time with him, that’ll be more than I could ever hope for and I’ll cherish the memory forever for those nights where I’ll have to provide for someone I do not like.   
And suddenly, here I am sporting a boner right in the middle of a gay stripclub. Then again, I’m pretty sure that’s a normal thing around here. The sweaty pig, two rows beside me seems like he’s about to start jerking off right there and now. I can’t help but shiver at the thought.

A lady appears at his side. Then again, lady isn’t the word I’d use. She’s buffed but really cute in her own way. Messy brown ponytail and weirdass glasses. She whispers in the guy’s ear and he gets up to make his way to the lapdance corridor. I find myself growing angry at the thought that he’ll probably be asking for a lapdance with Levi. I frown and sit up a bit straighter, angry that I can’t do anything about it but also not understanding why.

I jump when a hand touches my shoulder.  
“Hello!” The brown-haired woman asks. “First time here?”

I shake my head.

“Third time.” I add.  
“Oh, becoming a regular, I see.” She winks. “Got your eyes on Levi?”

I shake my head frantically.

“I’m just...”  
“Yeah yeah” She interrupts “I wouldn’t blame you, he’s quite something and I think he has his eyes on you too.”

I turn my attention back to the stage as Levi’s music fades out and his gaze is pinned to me. He seems surprised that I’m actually here.

“Well, he finishes at midnight, you can wait.” She says. “I’m Hanji by the way; owner.”  
“Eren.” I say.  
“Nice to meet you, Eren! If you’ll excuse me, I have to cover someone’s shift tonight so I am pretty busy at the bar. I hope I’ll see you again?”  
“Wait!” I say. “How much for a lapdance with Levi?”  
“Oh honey, he’s already taken for the next 20 minutes.”  
“How much for the entire night starting right now?” I add.

She switches her weight from one feet to the other, visibly enjoying my determination and ready to play with me a little.

“Well, that would be quite expensive, I’m sure you understand, especially since we already have a client waiting for him.”  
“I’ll pay double.” I add without hesitation, knowing this is a terrible mistake.

She looks surprised, she probably thought I’d just drop it but I’m not going to.

“Well, I’ll ask Levi if he can see you for a minute before he gets going and you can discuss it together, is that okay?”

I nod and it only takes about two minutes before she gets back and asks me to follow her backstage. I enter the room and immediately see Erwin putting a wig on his head.

“Hey Eren, glad to see you’re becoming a regular.” He says.

Hanji slaps Erwin’s ass forcing him to get out and up on stage to announce the next stripper. They both chuckle and Levi shakes his head until his gaze falls on me in the mirror. His smirk fades and he turns around to watch me. Hanji slowly backs away.

“10 minutes, Levi. The guy is waiting.” Hanji warns.

Levi nods at her and turns his attention back to me.

“You decided to come after all.”

I nod shyly and he gets up to reduce the distance between us. He cocks his head up.

“What was so important that it couldn’t wait the end of my shift?” He smirks.  
“I asked her how much it was for an entire evening with you. She said I’d have to talk with you.”  
“And by that you mean?”  
“I mean starting right now.” I add with a bit more confidence.  
“I can’t I have a client waiting in the room and he paid well.”  
“I’ll pay double.” I add.  
“He’s already waiting.” He sighs. “I can’t do that to Hanji.”  
“He almost jerked off in front of the stage, I’m sure you won’t enjoy those 20 minutes with him.”  
“That’s part of the job.” He adds, taking a step back.  
“How can you even dance for such a pig knowing what he might do to you?”  
“Rules are strict here, no touching. He’ll get kicked out if I push the hidden button. Why are you suddenly worrying about me, brat?”  
“I’m...I’m not.” I sigh. “I just want...I don’t fucking know, okay?”

Levi steps back and chuckles.

“Alright, well... here’s a deal. You wait for me 20 minutes and I’ll see if I can have the rest of the evening off, how does that sound?”  
“Not in love with the idea.” I say.  
“Well, I’m offering. Take it or leave it. You let me dance for the pig and wait or you fuck off.”  
“I had almost forgotten how nice you were.” I laugh. “I’ll wait, and pay for the rest of your evening whether you can leave or not.”

He takes a step forward and grabs my wrist to place my hand on his ass. I instinctively grip it tightly. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can feel myself becoming hard again and blush at Levi’s stupid grin.

“I’ll find a way to leave and you won’t be paying for anything, especially with what I plan on doing to you.”

My heart bangs against my chest and a jolt of pleasure travels down my stomach. I moan softly, forcing him closer to me.

“20 minutes.” He adds.  
“Fine.” I growl. “Fine....”  
“Are you jealous?” He laughs, stepping aside and grabbing a water bottle.  
“I have no fucking idea what I am, you mess up my head so bad.”  
“Brat, you don’t even know me.”  
“I know, it’s stupid. Just go already.” I sigh.

He touches my cheek before he walks out and leaves me there waiting. Erwin eventually comes back, putting an end to the swirl of emotions and thoughts in my mind.

“Waiting for Levi?” He asks, taking off his wig.

I simply nod.

“Are you okay?”  
“Yeah...” I pause. “I’m just... I don’t know anymore.”  
“Anything bothering you?” He asks, sitting on the chair in front of mine.

I hesitate, but then realize if there is one person who won’t be telling Mikasa and who certainly can’t judge, it’s gotta be him so I try my luck.

“I don’t want to get married. I don’t like her. I don’t like girls. It’s an arranged marriage and I always knew I was gay, I just never... thought I couldn’t manage not being gay. The closer the date gets, the more anxious I am because I don’t want it and I have lied so long to everyone and my dad counts on me...and basically... any decision I make is going to be a terrible one.”

He coughs and sits a bit straighter.

“Oh I see, that’s...quite important matters. And...if I may ask, what does Levi have to do with all this?”  
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “I...feel a connection. I’m so fucked up right now.”

 

I press my palms on my eyes and jump when a hand finds my shoulder.

“Look, Eren. Whatever you do, you have to tell people how you feel and stand up for what you want and don’t want. As for Levi, I hope you are not using him as a distraction or as a rebound because he might look like he doesn’t care about anything but he does. If you break his heart, I’ll have to break your legs, understood?”

Okay. Maybe he wasn’t the right person to tell. Perhaps Levi himself should know. Does he even know I was there for a bachelor? I don’t think he even figured that out. I’ll have to explain.

***

When he walks back in, looking exhausted, my eyes dart to something on his arm and I gag a little.

“Tell me that’s not...” I start.  
“That’s exactly what it is.” He growls. “The pig got kicked out.”  
“I don’t want to say I told you so... but...”  
“Fuck you, shitty brat!  
“I hope so...” I dare to add.

He pauses and turns to look at me.

“Why did you come back?” He asks.  
“To know what else I did that night.” I add right away.  
“Don’t bullshit me.” He says as he frantically sprays disinfectant on his arm. “Why did you come back, your friend surely could’ve told you what you did out of the lapdance room. So why did you come back?”  
“It was as vague for Armin as it was for me.” I say.  
“Armin?” He laughs. “Who the fuck names their child Armin?”  
“You can talk, with your fucking denim name!” I retort.  
“Tch.” He sighs before going back to being serious. “Seriously, why?”

I look down at my hands as my fingers intertwine, trying to find a way out of this but there isn’t any.

“To see you again.” I admit. “Because when you reminded me what happened between us, I could not stop thinking about it.”  
“You’re talking as if we went out for 5 years, we just fucked.” He replies.

I ignore the pain in my chest as he says the words. Why am I even feeling pain that is not justified?

“Well we might have just fucked but I had only fucked with one guy before and I never was sure that it truly was something I did consciously or not... so the fact that... I enjoyed it so much with you, made me realize that I was never wrong about being gay. So for me it did mean something.”  
“Sorry.” He says, genuinely surprised.  
“No, don’t be sorry.” I add. “It’s just...thank you. And I also wanted to apologize for... kind of forcing you into it. After all, I held you down on me as you struggled to get away so I’m no better than the pig you just saw.”

He quickly kneels in front of me and raises my chin back up to gaze into my eyes.

“Listen, idiot, I do not fuck with just anyone. I wanted you just as much as you wanted me, but this is my work place. We aren’t allowed to do that, that’s the only reason I tried to get away. You can bet your ass that if I had met those eyes before, I would’ve been the one forcing you to straddle me.”  
“I...”  
“You...?”  
“I don’t know what I want.” I add.  
“Don’t worry, I know.” He says with a smirk. “Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll go wipe this off with javel and then we can leave. Hanji gave me the rest of the evening because of the pig so you can be happy that you called this one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments will always be read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
> 
> PS: I have just gone back to work so it might take a bit longer to reply but I PROMISE that I will!


	5. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Double-update part 2 ;). Hope you enjoy this one. I guess I'll label it 18+ since.........you know *wink wink*. Alright so enjoy it and I'm always happy to read your feedback so feel free to leave me some ^_^
> 
> Mood song:  
> Black coast - TRNDSTTR (Lucian Remix)
> 
> (Thanks to Leilani again for the song suggestion ^_^)

**EREN POV**

“30. Why does it matter?” He asks.  
“I was just wondering. You look younger than that. I thought you were 25.”  
“As if 25 was dripping sex and 30 was grey hair. Thanks moron.”  
“Well I was trying to give you a compliment but fuck you seems to work better.”  
“And what does your dripping sex body has to say for its defense?”  
“If you mean my age, I’m 22.”  
“Well you look 25 and I confirm.”

Levi stops in front of an Audi R8 and I can’t help but think that he must have made a fuckload of money to get himself such a car.

“You look surprised.” He says as he gets in.

He waits for me to open the door and sit but I don’t. He gets back out of the car, walks around it and opens the door for me.

“Aren’t you a fucking princess?” He snorts. “Get in, my lady.”  
“Fuck off.” I frown. “I was just wondering how I’ll get back to my car.”  
“I’ll drop you off, now can you fucking get in already?”  
“Okay! OKAY!”

***

As we exit the underground parking, I can’t help but think that we are going to walk a few blocks to his apartment but in fact we take the elevator, confirming that he lives in this huge loft tower that rises above all the next door buildings. Damn, being a stripper must pay very well, perhaps I should reconsider my career.  
I glance at him and he slowly turns his head to me.

“Are you thinking about elevator sex? Cause that’s not happening.”  
“Well I wasn’t but thanks to you now I am.” I reply. “And just...for information purpose... why isn’t it happening?”  
“Because I don’t want to come face to face with Pixis, an old guy I talk with from time to time.”  
“Old, as in 30?” I tease.

He turns around and quickly grabs my wrists to pin them on each side of me.

“I might reconsider, you ass.”  
“You don’t like mentions to your height and age, I realize just now.” I chuckle biting my bottom lip.  
“Oh no you didn’t” He says, pressing me against the wall while his mouth works to untuck my lip from between my teeth, leaving me no space or time to breathe between the heated kisses.

“Levi?” Someone suddenly calls as we realize that the elevator stopped.

Levi coughs and steps aside, letting an old man in.

“Pixis.” He says sternly.  
“Don’t mind me kids, I’m just going to walk Peanut.”

Peanut, who I assume to be the Pomeranian in Pixis’ arms, looks at us with a judgemental look that I thought only a human could provide. Then again, perhaps my mind is affected by everything going down in my pants. I twiddle my thumbs as I wait for the door to open again. When it finally does, Levi pulls me out and barely waits for the door to close to push me against the opposite wall.

We kiss for a little while until it becomes too heated and we both feel an intense need for a comfortable horizontal surface. The corridor only has two doors, one on each side. Levi walks up to the one on the same wall he pushed me against. He fumbles with his keys and then throws the door open before he shoves me inside. I hear the door slamming shut behind us before my shoes somehow fly across the room and my legs hit the back of something as Levi forces me to walk backwards. His hands are already taking off my shirt and I fall on my back on the couch. He climbs on top of me and I let my fingers travel under his shirt, which he removes almost instantly.

“You fucking perfect creature.” He says through gritted teeth. “I want you in every possible existing way.”  
“L-Levi.” I blush.  
“Don’t deny it, oh god what the fuck are you made of?”  
“Levi.” I pause feeling a sudden guilt inside my belly. “Levi I need to talk to you before.”  
“Please tell me you’re kidding.” He adds, undoing my jeans’ button but my hand stops him.

I give him an apologetic smile.

“So what is it?” He asks as we both sit up straight. “You want to know if you’re a one night stand? What this is?”

I shake my head. I kind of do, but it doesn’t matter until I’ve been completely honest. He looks worried suddenly. As if I had an STD or something.

“I’m clean. If that’s what you’re thinking.” I laugh. “In fact... I wanna talk about last weekend.”  
“What about it?”  
“Well I was there for a bachelor... for...my bachelor.”  
“WHAT?” He says.

And I was right. He definitely didn’t know.

“I’m engaged but I don’t like her, I don’t want this. I’m being forced into marrying her.”  
“Eren, for fuck’s sake, this isn’t medieval times, you can marry who the fuck you want and that’s not even the point! You’re being unfaithful to your future wife!”

“I FUCKING KNOW!” I shout. “You say that as if I hadn’t thought this through, as if I had not spent the past few nights thinking of a fucking way out of this, whatever it is! Truth is, I’m fucking gay and I’m not allowed to be. I don’t want to marry her, I don’t like her at all and no one fucking cares about it! I tried... I fucking tried to talk my parents out of it, I tried and it all ended up with fucking guilt and hatred and.... I can’t take this anymore and there you are and here I am entirely fucked up and stuck. I didn’t want to lie to you, I just didn’t know how to tell you and I guess I didn’t want it to happen like that but here it is and I’m so so sorry for bringing you into this and...” I pause. “And I should just leave.”

I get up and grab my shirt before heading for the door. A hand wraps around my wrist and I slowly turn to meet his eyes, pushing the tears back down.

“I’m sorry.” He says.  
“No. I’m sorry for making it seem as if I’m using you as a getaway from this life I don’t want. I...really enjoy this and I wanted to have you again because for once in my fucking life I actually made a choice and I was happy about it. For once in my life I actually was glad I did something and I wanted to feel that again...and maybe....” I pause to put a hand on his cheek. “And maybe it’s selfish of me, but I don’t know about a way out of this mess I’m in and I wanted to at least do something that makes me happy for once, even if it was one last time. So perhaps it sounds like I’m using you but this really isn’t what it is... Believe me, if I had a choice...”  
“But you have a choice.” He adds. “I know we don’t know each other much but I know that you shouldn’t be doing something you don’t want to do.”  
“Well tell that to my parents because I tried and they just don’t fucking care. All that because she’s a FUCKING Ackerman. I hate them.”

Levi chokes and takes a step back. Worry in his eyes.

“What?” I ask. “What did I do?”  
“Ackerman?” He says.  
“Yeah, Ackerman.” I sigh. “My dad is convinced that they have a prestigious name and that marrying her will get our family up in higher ranks. My dad always wished for a life like that where he could talk big about his job and be sure that no matter what happened, everyone would know how powerful we were. ‘‘Jaeger’ will be a well known name some day, you wait and see’, that’s what he used to tell me before he decided that my childhood friend Mikasa was a perfect match for me. She always loved me but I never have. I’m so tired of pretending Levi. I’m so drained. Sometimes I just want to end it all.”

I bring my head down and he walks back up to me.

“Don’t say such things! Be brave, you’ll find a solution, I’m sure.” He adds.  
“Thank you.” I say.

The silence drags on and I really don’t know what’s okay to do so I just stand there like an idiot waiting for my queue to leave.

“Are you going to get married anyways?” Levi asks.  
“I hope not, I just can’t figure out how to get out of this mess.” I add. “I really don’t want to.”  
“Yes or No?”

His gaze meets mine and I know I never want to marry her. I can’t for so many reasons that the list is endless.

“No.” I say.

He takes a step forward and wraps his arm around my waist, pressing me closer against him as he reaches up for my lips. He then pulls away and drags me to what I assume to be his bedroom. The walls are pitch black and so are a few accents but the furniture and everything else is ivory white. I’m about to comment at how cozy it looks when I get softly pushed against the bed. I let myself fall and stare at the figure standing at the end of the bed. I hear his pants fall down and then mine gets pulled out of the way. He stands there for a while, appreciating the view and making me anxious as I’ve never been. I had never been entirely sober before so I don’t know what to expect. My nervousness disappears though, when the dimmed lights reflect on Levi climbing on the bed and hovering slowly and sensually above me. He lowers his hips and I can feel the material of our underwear, partially already wet with pre-cum, rubbing against each other. I moan as his hand suddenly travels up and down my chest, appreciating the curves and angles of my body as much as my eyes do with his. I should be touching, but I remember the many times he told me not to. He seems to read my mind though.

“You can do whatever you want here, you know?”

I instantly let my hand travel down his abs and into his boxers. He jumps a little.

“Wasting no time?” He says with a carnal glare. “I like that.”

My hand, wrapped around him, strokes gently and slowly as Levi’s tongue suddenly teases my nipples and climbs up to my neck, making sure to give me a few bites as he does. He gives me a hickey and I know that i’ll be regretting this later because it will be hard to explain but I really don’t care at the moment. I slip my arms around his waist and quickly roll on top of him, earning a surprised and daring look. I return the favor and tease him with my tongue, appreciating every inch of his body, especially his torso, and then give him a hickey at the same spot where he gave me one.

“You know what they say about hickeys, right?” I whisper, slowly rubbing my hips on his.

He shakes his head and smirks, making me think that he just wants to hear me say it.

“It’s about marking someone as yours.” I moan, my dick catching in the material that is slowly slipping off me. “A-And you marked me first.”  
“Don’t get ahead of things.” Levi pants, gazing down between us as his fingers push my boxers down and then his hands grip my ass possessively.  
“You drive me insane and I barely know you.” I add.  
“It’s your fault for showing up with such fucking oceans in your eyes.” He chuckles. “How the hell was I supposed to resist?”  
“I’m glad you didn’t!”  
“Fuck, so am I!” He growls as he wiggles out of his boxers.  
“Hnnng.” 

The friction was intense before but the skin rubbing together is way more than I would’ve expected.

“Fuck, Levi. Take me now.” I plead rolling on my back beside him. “Please, now. I can’t wait anymore.”

He quickly searches the nightstand and a second later opens a condom to put on himself. He then opens a bottle of lube, squirting some on two of his fingers. I spread my legs wide open, not even waiting for him to ask. I am literally begging and honestly could not be more clear about the fact that I want him inside of me and the sooner the better.  
He pushes his finger against my entrance and I wince a little. He slows down but it doesn’t take much time for me to beg for a second finger. He complies and looks surprised when I beg for a third. He’s more careful now and starts stroking me with his other hand. Eventually, I raise myself on my elbows and grab his wrist to pull him on top of me. He falls awkwardly and we both giggle for a second before I feel him brush against my entrance. My smile fades and is replaced with a look of pure lust and eagerness. He smiles and revisits the previous hickey, refreshing it and making sure that the mark won’t go for a while. It hurts, it really does but fuck do I want it there. 

“Levi, please.” I beg and instantly, he pushes the tip of his cock inside.

I arch myself, ready to scream at any moment although it’s still a bit sensitive in the not so good way. It’s like my brain knows that no matter how painful it is, it’ll be worth it soon. Levi though, sees my discomfort and takes his time before moving again and enjoying the view of my abs rolling under his hands as he holds my hips to push himself deeper. A shiver runs through me as I anticipate him hitting just the right spot soon.

“Deeper.” I beg.  
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Levi pants, clearly holding back from slamming hard into me.  
“Please Levi, it’s all good now, please.” I say shaking my head from one side to the other on the border of insanity. “Just fuck me please, I’ve been waiting so long to have you again.”  
“Fuck. Calm...Calm down you’ll make me come too quick if you keep arching yourself and biting your FUCKING lip.”  
“I can’t control it, I... ahhh.”

Levi lowers himself on me and decides that heated kisses might let us cool down a bit. Unfortunately for him, as soon as he’s on me, I lift my hips up a bit and try to move up and down his dick. It doesn’t work so I grab him and roll him on his back gently. I sit and straddle him. His hands grab my thighs and I start moving up and down on him, unable to fix my unsteady breathing. I moan and groan and Levi curses a few times, probably as turned on as I am. We both know this won’t last long, we both know that the first time we did it was great although it’s blurry for me, but the anticipation and everything else floating around today has made this so much more tempting and so much more enjoyable that it would be hard not to come quickly.  
Levi eventually takes the lead as my legs start to get weak and I just stand there, legs spread as he slams his hips under me, earning deep growls from me. He then hits my prostate and black dots fill my vision as I arch myself and instinctively go down on him to make it go deeper. He hits it again and I join his moves because I do not want this to stop.

“C-Close?” I ask him.

He just nods with gritted teeth and I know that I can’t hold it much longer. I slam down a few other times before he hits it so good that I instantly shout a series of words that don’t even exist. I shiver and shake as I ride my orgasm down, feeling Levi’s dick getting thicker inside of me. He comes a moment later with a guttural growl that sends a shiver down my spine, almost making me want to start again, but my body is too limp to cooperate.  
When I’m sure he’s done, I fall beside him, appreciating the sounds of our ragged breathing filling the room.

“I thought we could last longer than 10 minutes to be honest.” He says, his fingers slowly exploring the creases between my abs.  
“Well, I can always go for a round 2 if you give me some time to recharge.”  
“Who’s old now?” Levi laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments will always be read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
> 
> PS: Any idea of what will happen next? ;)


	6. Pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hello everyone! Sorry about the long time to update. I've been wanting to write for like two weeks but I just never had time or stuff happened that got me totally out of it so here is a much longer chapter for you. I hope you can forgive me although I did say it could go up to a month but I'll always try and keep it at two weeks for the updates. Con season is coming for me though so you have to be indulgent with me because I literally have 3 cosplays to sew LOL. Anyways, moving to the story... Entire chapter is in Eren's POV.
> 
> Mood songs (in order):  
> Secondhand serenade - Pretend  
> Never shout Never - Complex heart  
> (the beat is a bit weird at first but it's a fucking good song I swear)
> 
> Enjoy!

I blink a few times, feeling heavier than usual. That’s when I notice the eyes peeking at me through a hooded gaze. I jump slightly, remembering that I’m still at Levi’s place. I try to sit, but his hold tightens around me.

“You’re not going anywhere.” He whispers.  
“I have to get back home. I said I was going to stay late for work, it’s already…” I turn around to look at the alarm clock. “Shit it’s already 2 am, I need to get going.”  
“Fine, I’ll let you go, but not before I’m sure that I’ve drained you of all the energy you might have left.”  
“I am already drained.” I giggle, wrapping my arm around his waist.  
“I’ll give you a few minutes to prepare yourself mentally.”  
“Levi…”  
“Eren…” He smirks.

He closes his eyes for a moment and I almost think he fell back asleep so I nudge his arm, trying to push it aside but he immediately pulls me back to him.

“Don’t try to run away from me.”  
“Pffft… I would never.”

He stares at me and an uncomfortable silence settles between us until he decides to break it.

“You have to tell this girl that you don’t love her. Not for you, not for your sake, just because it’s the right thing to do and you can’t live your life through a lie.”  
“It’s more complicated than that.” I sigh, feeling a ball of stress rising in the middle of my chest.  
“Your parents will learn to live with your decisions, but for that, you need to actually make some.” He argues.

I raise myself on my elbow, a little offended.

“I’m not a fucking child you know? It’s true that I’ve been listening to them a lot… but some decisions were mine.”  
“Like?”

I almost push him away from me but I don’t want to let my anger show. I can never control that part and I don’t want Levi to see me this way, at least not yet.

“Like you.” I admit shyly.  
“Other than me.”  
“My…hum.” My mind races.  
“Your wonderful job? Your fiancée? Your apartment? Your future?”

I stare at him blankly until I finally start avoiding his gaze, knowing that he’s right and that I am not willing to admit it. Frail fingers brush against my cheek and slide down to my chin, turning it gently towards him.

“I only mean to say that you have to stand up for yourself no matter the cost.” He says. “You told me yesterday that you didn’t want this marriage. I believed you and I still do. The thing is, I will not be a toy, Eren. I like this just as much as you, but I am not willing to be the reason for broken vows. I do not want to be a sideline, nor do I want to break this girl’s heart because you cannot find the courage to tell her it’s over.”  
“Great...I have a feeling this means something else…” I mutter.  
“To be clear, I’d like to keep seeing you, but I don’t have it in me to keep lying. I hate lies Eren, do you understand? This is wrong.”  
“So that’s it?” I ask angrily, pushing myself away to get up. “Thanks Eren, you were a good fuck? That’s all? That’s honestly all this is, Levi?”  
“Did you expect more?” He asks with a new glint in his eye.  
“I-I don’t fucking know okay? I don’t even know you and so far we basically just had s*x. How would I know? Perhaps I was ready to go see what this was leading to. Now though, I see you shoot the idea down without even trying.”  
“I was never built for long term, Eren. I guess I should’ve told you that before.” 

My baffled expression seems to worry him, and god dammit it should. I never thought this was going anywhere. I knew it was consensual sex between two strangers. But now that I was about to lose this and the small grasp I had of Levi’s personality, that I have to admit is more than intriguing, I can feel myself running into a wall and I have literally no words to keep it from happening.

“...Yet, I find myself thinking of you more than I should and it’s quite disturbing, not to say annoying as fuck.” Levi adds.

My eyebrows shoot up and he almost giggles at the sight.

“Which means?”  
“Which means that you have to tell her it’s over because I won’t keep playing on the sidelines and wait for you to make up your mind.”  
“I literally have no guarantee you’ll even want to keep this going when I’m done. I will have no home, no family and most probably no friends once they figure out I’m gay. You’re asking me to give up my entire life in the blink of an eye. Can you understand how hard this is for me? Don’t you get it?”

He scoffs.

“Brat, if someone understands, it’s me. I’m not asking you permission for this. I’m protecting myself, that’s all. If you’re willing to do what’s right, you can crash in the guest room while you get back on your feet and then we’ll see where it goes from there. I like this, you like this, yet there are no guarantees in life. I can’t promise you this’ll work, but I can promise I won’t leave you alone to get through this. If something comes out of it, then that’s fucking great.”

I take a moment to gather my thoughts and sigh loudly.

“Can you give me time?”

He shakes his head.

“It’s been years, you need to do this because the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Especially if you keep seeing me and lying every day.”  
“How the hell am I supposed to plan this in less than 3 hours?”  
“So you’ll do it?” He asks.  
“I’ve been wanting to drop this relationship for years, but I always chicken out of it and run away. I’m such a coward when it comes to love.”

He grabs my wrist and pulls me back on the bed.

“No need to tell her you never loved her, you can just tell her that you’ve moved on. She doesn’t even need to know you’re gay yet.”  
“Right…”  
“It’ll be fine. I’m counting on you.”

I nod as I stare at the sheets. Levi quickly moves and pushes me on my back. He lies lazily on my stomach, his head resting in the crook of my neck.

“You better fucking do this.” He warns.  
“Why?”  
“Cause I want to give you hickeys that you won’t have to hide.”  
“Interesting.”

He raises himself up to gaze into my eyes with a mischievous glare.

“Speaking of interesting, how about we make this one last time interesting enough for your brain not to forget what you’d be giving up.”

I smirk, knowing I can’t and won’t argue with that. Plus if it does give me the courage I need, fuck yes, let’s do this!

Turns out there were several more rounds until I finally fell asleep. I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t want to spend the night there, and I assumed Levi didn’t want me there either. I woke up trying not to show how much I was internally panicking. The problem in all this was Mikasa.

After a too short conversation, Levi and I finally exchanged our phone numbers for practical reasons. He swore he wasn’t angry that I had to leave, but it showed on his face that he wasn’t comfortable with what we were doing. I also wondered if there wasn’t something else he wasn’t telling me. Then again, it’s not like we actually know each other very well so how would I know?

About 15 minutes later, Levi dropped me off at Alchemy and I called in sick at work because there was no way I could be productive today. I drove like a mad man, trying to get home before she left. She was always in a far better mood in the morning than at night and I didn’t even want to think about what was about to happen. I’ve seen her angry too many times already and I can tell this is probably the worst thing I’ve ever done to her. If she knew what I was actually doing, there is no doubt she would rip my throat open.

I park quickly, not caring one bit about my demonstration of lame parking skills. I barge in and she only slightly looks up from her e-reader before going back to her book. My heart hammers in my chest and I quickly try to figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do. Is this a test? I assumed she’d jump on me and try to remove my limbs one after the other, yet she is sitting there calmly. I am terrified, to say the least.

“Listen, Mikasa…” I start but she cuts me off.  
“Good morning to you too.”

I frown, still unsure of how to proceed.

“I’m sorry, I… I had to go back to the office to grab some papers and I… started working on another file.”  
“All night?” She asks with a knowing look.  
“I-I fell asleep on my desk. I’m so sorry. I would’ve called you…”  
“No you wouldn’t have.” She says sternly, folding her arms.

I take a step back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“That we’re just a few weeks away from the wedding and I barely ever see you, I’m doing everything on my own. I-I’d like to know, Eren.”  
“Know what?” I ask nervously.  
“Do…you still want to get married? Do you still want to be my husband?”

My eyes widen and I’m sure she notices the hint of hope in them. I’m about to tell her. I’m about to, when suddenly the door bell rings. I clench my fists and turn my attention back to Mikasa, who’s already getting up to answer. I start to speak, or try.

“I…” 

She pauses and stares straight into my eyes.

“I…”  
“You?” She asks.  
“I’m not sure I…”

For some reason, as the doorbell rings again, my dad’s face pops up in my head, reminding me of how much of a failure I will be if I cannot accomplish this. My mom quickly follows with such a disappointing look that it breaks my heart. And then, Levi turning his back on me, walking away. I know this last part shouldn’t mean much to me, yet it does and it feels odd. I think perhaps it’s because of the freedom he represents for me but also because he seemed to know how I’m feeling in this crappy life I’ve never asked for.

Mikasa moves, and presses the button to unlock the door. I can hear footsteps slowly coming to our door and she quickly turns back to me.

“You were saying?” She asks.  
“I-I’m not sure I…” I say as she looks at me with an angry glare that she knows makes me panic. “I’m not sure I can tolerate all the stress very well.”

She folds her arms and steps back.

“That’s it?”

I nod, knowing I must not look very convincing. The anger builds up in me. I’m such a coward, I’m so lame. I’m a terrible human being. No, my parents are terrible human beings and I’m their fucking puppet. I’m about to try again when the door opens. My mom walks in with my dad and Armin.

“Armin?” I ask.  
“Yeah I bumped into your parents and they told me I should come over since they were bringing enough food. Do you mind?”  
“Of course not!” I say. “Wait...enough food? Don’t you guys have to work?”

Mikasa turns to me and rolls her eyes.

“It’s tux day, you took the day off to go and rent your tuxedos for the wedding.”

I sigh and nod, trying not to let it show that I’m internally freaking out that I lied when I called in sick this morning and that my boss will certainly know it. Hopefully he doesn’t mind, but he isn’t the kind of person to let it go so easily.  
Armin claps his fingers in front of my face and I blink a few times, going back to reality. Actually, I feel such a relief, seeing him there. I need to talk to someone and I’m going to talk to Armin. He will know what to do, he’ll tell me what to do.

***

“Why did Mikasa seem pissed about you wanting to talk to me?” Armin asks.  
“She’s in a bad mood.” I say. “That’s part of what I want to talk about.”  
“Is everything okay?” He says, worry in his eyes.  
“I’m afraid not. I can’t do this anymore, Armin. I can’t pretend anymore.”

He raises his hands to stop me.

“Wait wait, what? Pretend for what?”  
“The wedding.” I sigh. “This life, Mikasa, my parents, my...preferences.”  
“Oh god, Eren!” He says, placing a reassuring arm around my shoulder. “Please explain.”  
“If I’m entirely honest with you, you have to promise you won’t say a word and will not judge me. I need someone I can trust and you’re my oldest friend.”  
“Course.” He smiles.

I tell him everything; what my parents forced me to do, what my life turned out to be versus what it should have been in my eyes, the fact that I want to stop this wedding so bad and have no idea how. He nods a few times through my monologue and eventually just pulls me closer.

“It’ll all be fine.” He says and suddenly I feel a huge weight lift from my shoulders.  
“All you have to do is tell the truth to them.” He adds.  
“If it was that easy I would’ve done it a long time ago.”  
“What about the preferences, what did you mean by that?” He asks.

I sit up straight and look down at the floor, knowing I have to do this but that I might lose the most important friend I ever had.

“I...prefer guys.”

Armin’s eyes widen and I mistake his reaction for hate until he notices and quickly moves closer to pat my shoulder.

“Hey! It’s okay. You can love who you want to love but you can’t keep lying to Mikasa to cover it up.”  
“I’m not covering up!” I shout.  
“No, I know, I just mean that you have to be you, you have to be free to be who you truly are and I’m honored to be the first person to actually meet the real side of an Eren I’ve never met.” He laughs.  
“I’m not any different than I was, I’m just gay and I hate everything about my life, that’s all.”  
“You better not do anything stupid you idiot!” He warns.

I giggle and gaze at him, wondering if Levi is a topic I should introduce. Maybe I should.

“I won’t. I...might have met someone.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah, a guy.”  
“Do I know him?” He asks, eager to know.  
“Maybe...”  
“Holy molly, who is it?” He squeals.

I slap my hand over his mouth angrily.

“Would you fucking keep it down?” I sigh. “And we should head back before they wonder what we’re up to.”  
“You’re so wrong if you think I’m letting this go.”

I roll my eyes.

“A guy from the bar we went to. Can we go now?”  
“Oh my god! It’s Levi, isn’t it?” He chuckles. “I knew it. I knew there was something between you two.”  
“What?” I ask, surprised.  
“The way he looked at you was straight up endearing. I had my doubts but I never would’ve thought it was true since you had Mikasa and all.”  
“Wow, wait, wait. We met on that night, that’s how it started; I didn’t know him before that.”  
“So I can take all the credit for getting you two together, that’s nice.”  
“Armin...” I warn.  
“Yeah I know.”

He nods and swipes his fingers over his mouth. My secret is safe.

“How are you going to proceed?” He asks.  
“I have no idea yet, but I have to do it otherwise I’ll lose everything.”  
“I’ll be there for you.”  
“Thanks so much Armin, you’re such an amazing friend.”  
“...Who got you your hot boyfriend.”  
“Wow, we’re not there yet.”  
“It’s only a matter of time.”  
“Will you shut up?” I laugh.

We both walk back to the kitchen as my mom finishes setting up the table. Mikasa is already sitting and my dad is folding his newspaper.

“So, Mikasa told us you’ve been working late?” My dad asks.

My gaze meets my fiancée’s and I glare at her, not caring one bit that she probably didn’t mean any harm. 

“Yes, it’s busy these days.”  
“How funny?” He says. “I was just reading how dead the pharmaceutical industry currently is.”  
“Well.” I sigh, quickly losing the little patience I have. “Our company is good, okay?”  
“You should be with your fiancée before the wedding.” My mom says.  
“Thank you for making me feel shitty about it.” I add.  
“Hey, careful with your words.” Grisha warns.  
“Or what?” I ask. “I’m old enough to deal with my own problems and with my own life.”

He sends a look to my mom and then glares at me. That look I know too well as in an ‘we’ll have a chat later’.

“But it’s true.” Mikasa adds. “You’re never here.”  
“I am at work, what do you want me to do?” I argue.  
“You are no longer working late evening, at least not until the wedding.” My dad interjects.

Armin places his hand on my arm, knowing that I’m about to reach my breaking point.

“Oh so you’re also my boss now?” I ask. “Can I get a fucking raise then dad?”  
“EREN JAEGER!” My mom shouts.  
“Whatever.” I mutter, looking back down at my plate as I realize that I will no longer have any occasions to see Levi if I can’t find a solution to this. Right this very moment though, I couldn’t fucking care less because I hate all of them. Even the comforting Armin that sits silently beside me. Because as much as he’d like to, he can’t help me. Those times are the ones where I’d just like to end it all.

***

The day goes by fast as I have to try over 35 tuxedos until my dad finally deems one worthy of his precious son that will soon be part of the elite of society. I’m on the verge of throwing up when Armin finally drags me away from Grisha, pretending that we had to meet with Jean before I head back home. 

“What are you doing?” I ask, away from the ears that might be listening.  
“I’m buying you some time to go see Levi.”  
“I came with you!” I say.  
“And I’ll drop you off at Alchemy.”  
“I’m not even sure he’s working tonight.” I add.  
“He surely is or you can ask Erwin to get him there or something. Either way, you have to tell him that this might take time.”  
“He already told me I had to do it today and I failed. I lost everything already, why bother?”  
“Because you’re Eren Jaeger and you always told me that if you don’t fight, you can’t win.”

I smirk and dishevel his hair as I start making my way up to his car.

***

I’m sitting at the bar, discussing with Hanji, the manager as she tries to explain spontaneous combustion to me in simple words. It sounds pretty fucking disgusting but she keeps dry gin coming so I don’t argue and simply listen, nodding here and there.  
She told me that Levi’s shift was starting in about 10 minutes and that he was probably gonna come in any minute now.

“It’s like this guy, they found his remains on his sofa in front of the tv. The house was intact, nothing had happened but he was there reduced to a pile of ash and some pieces of bones.”

I gag when a hand slaps my shoulder.

“Glad to see you survived, little shit.”

I smile giddily at Levi and he knows right away that something is wrong.

“You’re drunk.” He sighs. “What happened?”  
“I failed.” I chuckle. “I couldn’t do it.”  
“Ok. Got the message.”

I grab his wrist as he tries to leave and he glares at me.

“But I told Armin, my best friend and he’s okay and wants to help you to tell me about Mikasa.”  
“This makes no sense.” He says, rolling his eyes.  
“I mean...” I take a second to gather my thoughts. “I told Armin, and he will help me through this.”  
“Time’s up.” Levi says, shoving my hand away. “It’s too late.”  
“Levi!” I shout, earning a few looks from the customers sitting around.

He turns back to me.

“I told you that you had to do this today or it was over. You didn’t do it, it’s over. Simple as that.” He says sternly.  
“You have no idea how hard it is!”  
“Don’t you pretend to know what I’ve been through in my life, kid.”  
“I’m not a kid!”  
“Yes you are! You are the perfect little boy who obeys his parents and doesn’t have the fucking balls to take his life into his own hands, whatever he has to lose, he doesn’t give a fuck.”  
“Why are you so angry about this? Why is it such a big deal to you anyway? I could’ve done it within the next two weeks or something but you give me one fucking day.” I argue as I dizzily gesture at him.  
“It’s a big deal because I didn’t want it to end, but you made that decision for me.”  
“You’re an asshole!” I scream.

Hanji steps away from the counter, sending sorry looks to her customers and she pushes Levi to the corridor and then pulls me there too.

“Fuck off.” Levi says, walking away without another look for me.  
“This place is public, I’ll stay for the show, since that’s all I am, a fucking customer, a good fuck!”

He turns around and walks straight up to me. He punches my jaw and I immediately feel numb and fall to the floor, losing consciousness.

Eventually, I manage to blink a few times but everything is blurry, all I see is that I’m on the backseat of a car and that it’s moving fast. I gag and feel my eyes closing again.

“If you puke in my car, I will end you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated! ^_^
> 
> PS: I love reading your theories about what's to come in the story. I have the entire plot written down so it's fun to see those of you who actually get a hint of what's going to happen.
> 
> See you soon ^_^
> 
> PSS: If there are typos or grammar error, I'll get back to it later because I am honestly drained ♥


	7. Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) YO!! I am so so so sorry about the delay for this chapter. Stuff happened and I forgot the chapter many times on a computer I didn't have access to from home. Anyways I ended up writing part of it on my phone because I’m definitely an idiot! XD… I will try and never make it as long between postings. You can be sure it wasn’t because I didn’t want to write XD. Anyways. Con season is coming for me so I’ll be a bit busy. If anything I’ll tell you about possible delays but so far I manage (except when I forget things.) I am sorry if there is stuff that doesn’t match or seem weird, it’s been a while since I wrote anything so please feedback would be appreciated?
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies! I’ll try posting the next one quickly.
> 
> Mood songs:  
> Luke Sital-Singh – Nearly Morning  
> Lo Fang – You’re the one that I want (I fkn love this song)

**LEVI POV**

Why do I always have to deal with stuff like this? How do I end up caring for people when I hate caring for people? I would’ve left him in the dumpster beside the bar but Hanji insisted that I was responsible for punching him and had to be the one making sure he was okay. She might have mentioned that I liked the brat too much to do such a thing, but that thought would never even cross my mind. He’s a good fuck, indeed. Also has one of the most decent-looking ass I’ve ever seen. Sadly, after this little incident, I doubt I can tolerate him much longer… I hate lies, I hate being lied to, I hate lying to people. Lies always come with a price even if it takes time. I just wish he told her the truth and maybe we could’ve enjoyed ourselves a bit longer.

“Why didn’t you tell her?” I sigh at the sleeping figure curled beside me on the couch.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy punching him, but that was solely due to the fact that he said he would tell her…that he made me think I mattered and that I didn’t. Perhaps I did, but he wasn’t strong enough and I cannot care for someone who can’t fight for me.

After a while of staring at the bruise that’s beginning to form on his cheek, I’m starting to wonder if I should call someone, his parents…his fiancée… but I decide to give him another half hour to wake up, which leaves me enough time to go take a shower and think about some lame apology I might have to make for almost breaking the kid’s jaw.

The cold tiles feel good against my back and I momentarily close my eyes, remembering how much we seemed to fit together when it came to sex. I sigh again when suddenly the door slightly creaks. I turn the shower off and run to push the door closed. Well, apparently he’s awake now. Unless Hanji just happened to come over in the middle of the night. She knew me way too well to even attempt disturbing me while I’m with the brat though. I quickly dry myself and come out with the towel loosely wrapped around my waist. Perhaps he’ll regret what he just lost when he sees me like that.

“There’s this thing called privacy.” I say as I slide my fingers through my hair to remove the droplets that keep rolling down my back.

I’m tempted to smirk when his gaze obviously glides down.

“Sorry. I…What happened?” He asks as he tentatively touches his jaw.  
“Are you being serious right now?” I snort. “You were drunk enough not to remember?”

He nods with a sheepish smile, clearly thinking our night was way different than what actually happened. That is even more aggravating.

“Let me refresh your memory. First of all, you show up at the bar before my shift and get so drunk that you can barely stand. Then, you announce me that you didn’t tell your fiancée that you were done. But most of all, you had the audacity to behave like a total moron and try to humiliate me in front of one of my oldest friend. I think that sums it up.”

I slam my fist on the counter, a new found rage finding me.

“OH and I might have punched you so hard that you fell unconscious. Then I had to drag your sorry ass here and I don’t even know why I’m bothering to explain all this…”

I take a few steps towards my kettle and almost throw it on the stove, ignoring Eren’s baffled expression as I struggle to make myself some tea.

“How-” He starts.  
“Eren, I don’t want to talk about this. It’s over.”  
“Please, tell me what I said!”

I turn around, gripping the counter while lazily laying against it.

“You said you were going to enjoy the show no matter what because you were allowed to be a customer there even if I didn’t want anything to do with you. You said it as if I was a slut you’d been using a few times and got tired of.” I sigh.  
“Oh god!” He says, face-palming himself. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean…”  
“I don’t care what you meant.” I add. “I don’t want to see you at the bar again, got it?”  
“But…”  
“Not buts.”  
“Why?” He asks. “Can’t I keep at least seeing you even if you don’t want to talk to me again? It’s true that it’s a public place and I understand that I’ve disappointed you but I really don’t get why I can no longer see you even if you don’t want to see me.” He says with daring gaze.

I turn back around and clench my teeth as I get on the tip of my toes to grab a tea cup.

“Because there’s something about your eyes that removes any will that I might have to kick you out.”  
“I-I’m very sorry. It’s not like me to behave like that. I can easily lose control without alcohol so I can only imagine how shitty I was while I was drunk... C-Can we talk about this?”  
“What more is there to say?” I ask, turning around and handing him a fuming cup.  
“Let me talk, okay? Then you’re free to throw me out.”

I nod and wait as he takes a deep breath.

“I promise you that I tried telling her. I was about to as soon as I walked in my apartment but she looked like she knew something was up and it took me by surprise. I stuttered a bit but I really was about to. Then the doorbell rang and it stressed me, I lost my train of thought, not wanting to do this as someone was about to walk in and then she comes back with a terrifying look, similar to yours actually. She wants me to spill the beans before the door opens and I can’t. All I manage to say is that I can’t take so much stress and instantly I felt like such a coward for lying to her face. I wanted to tell her…so I was about to try again when my mom and dad walked in with Armin. I cursed at myself and then took Armin to my bedroom almost instantly. I needed to get this off my chest. Armin seems to think that you make it easier for me to be myself and doesn’t want me to let go of you. Hell I don’t want to let go but it’s hard to fix things! When we came back to the kitchen, my dad scolded me about never being there and told me I wasn’t allowed to work late anymore and I stood up to him, I swear I did, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t work. I want it all to end Levi, you have no idea how much I hate this life. But how can I disappoint every single person in my life because I might have found a better way to live? Isn’t that selfish? I know lying is…definitely. But isn’t it selfish to let them believe in me for all those years and suddenly I throw everything away for no valid reason in their eyes? I could tell them about you, because that would be a valid reason to me, but then they’d learn I’m gay and I’m afraid that’s too much in one shot. Please…just please understand me and give me some time.”

He sighs and I remain silent, unable to figure out what to say but keeping my gaze locked to his. Those words… those words right there, the ones he just said, they erased all the previous ones. I savor the moment as I try not to let it show how fucking terrified they make me. Maybe Hanji was right. Maybe I was waiting for something like this for too long and didn’t realize it until it appeared right in my face. He did try to tell his fiancé, didn’t he? He did try at the very least. Deep down, I knew he wasn’t ready to tell her, but I thought the ultimatum also protected me from being a fucking pawn in a player’s game. Now though, I see that he isn’t like that. His eyes as he spoke and the way they glimmered as he said that I was…that I was…

“Like you said” He adds. “We don’t know where this is going but we like spending time together in the sheets and we get along pretty well …in a very strange way. I just hope you can think about this and at least give me something to look forward to when I’ll lose everything else.”

I take a sip before stepping away from the counter, a smirk slowly creeping up on my face as my heart hammers in my chest.

“I’m a valid reason?” I ask.  
“Damn, yes you are!”

The faint trace of a smile, of hope, appears on his face. His gaze follows my hands as I not so subtly undo the knot of my towel. As it falls to the floor, Eren’s jaw drops.

“Oops.” I whisper, leaning back against the counter.

He seems petrified for a second but it doesn’t last. A huge grin replaces his hopeful expression and it only takes a few second before he rushes to pin me against the counter. His hands travel down my back until he has a good enough hold of my ass to lift me up on the flat surface. He then proceeds to climb on top of me, not caring one bit that his cup just spilled beside me and that I am now covered in tea. To be honest, I don’t fucking care either.

“The damn marble is cold as fuck.” I protest as my legs wrap around Eren’s waist.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up in a sec.” He pants against my lips as he struggles to pull his pants down.

I can’t help but chuckle as I feel his leg shake from trying too hard to get rid of his underwear. He then proceeds to slide his hands down between my legs. He grabs my cock, and gently strokes it before sliding his hand off to get a better hold of both of our dicks. He rubs them together and I growl as the friction sends shivers all over my body.

“Why the fuck do you still have your shirt?” I say, glaring at him.

He sits back on his heels and throws his shirt across the room at the speed of light. A smirk lights up his face as he sensually climbs his way back up to my lips.

I never ever thought that Eren would be the kind of guy to be able to turn me on this way. As if his ass and eyes weren’t enough for me already… and oh his glorious glorious abs. My fingers travel on his chest and then down between every creases of muscles until I finally grab his cock. He slides his hand between us and I expect him to touch my length again, but he goes even lower and starts teasing my entrance. My body becomes rigid at the touch and I glare at him.

‘’What? Are you scared?’’ He teases.  
‘’Fuck off’’ I reply.

He laughs before climbing off the counter and heading to the bedroom, probably to get what we need. Or maybe he’s waiting for me there, but I doubt it. I may not be comfortable here, but like hell if I’m moving. I wanna remember this every time I’ll have a fucking tea.  
He comes back a second later and I stare at his perfect figure moving slowly towards me. He shakes a lube bottle and then jumps back on the counter. For a second there I get scared for my balls and he chuckles when I flinch.

 

‘’If you want to fuck me, can you please hurry the fuck up?’’ I say.  
"Are you honestly so desperate to see what I can do?"  
"Tch. Don't flatter yourself. What is it, your second time?"

I didn't mean it in a bad way. I kind of like the fact that he is unexperienced. But fortunately for me, he took that as a personal challenge. He rubs some lube on his right hand as his left one keeps teasing my painful boner. I'm about to protest again when he slips a finger in. I jump as his surprisingly long finger starts working its magic. It's a moment later when he slides a second, that I find myself worried about the upcoming one.

"Everything okay?" He asks.

I nod and roll my eyes. He doesn't seem to realize that my bravery in this moment is all a facade that I'm keeping up because I don't want him to lose this sudden determination he has.

He takes his time now and makes sure that he stretches me correctly. It's becoming more comfortable by the second and I find myself enjoying it way too much. How long has it been since I bottomed? Probably a long time because I'm already a mess that is quickly getting out of control.

"The third. Put the third in." I order.  
"Be patient." He smirks as his tongue suddenly starts exploring my neck.

I feel the tiny pain of a hickey being made. The little shit is marking me again. I'll have to return the favor before he goes back to the girl.  
I momentarily lose track of the moment and Eren frowns.

I immediately shake my head, forcing the thoughts away.

"It's okay. Fuck me as if it was the last time because it may very well be."  
"I won’t let that happen.

He quickly removes his fingers and roughly pushes his cock inside of me. I wince and let out an angry growl.

"If you keep this up, I'll kill you. That fucking hurt."

His face becomes livid and for a second I can feel him becoming half hard. No way. No. Fuck. I slide myself back hard against him.

"Don't you dare leave me like this!" I warn.  
"I-I'm sorry." He stutters. "You're just so perfect and... I can't control myself any longer. It won't happen again."

Well shit, welcome to the guilt trip! I am not going to let this ruin the moment. I slap his face gently and pull his head down to mine.

"Just warn me, idiot! Where's your confidence gone? I happened to like where this was going."

He hesitates as he clearly thinks about something. He then lowers his face to meet mine. Our lips join and I immediately push my tongue against his mouth. He grants me access and starts moving his body again. The hell with it, he's already in, no need to go slow.

I bite his lips and mumble a loud "Fuck me hard." right before his lips crash against mine again.

He definitely isn't bad at this. It's almost making me doubt the amount of partners he said he's had.

We eventually lie at the edge of the counter as the tea clearly helped our bodies to slide around. Eren takes a few steps back on his knees before he roughly pulls me back to him. I sit up straight and lock my legs around him. I raise myself up and quickly put his dick back in as I straddle him. He sure moans after that but the one who can't keep quiet is me. Why? Because he's brushing right against my prostate.

His arms pull me closer every time I bounce back down. Until he eventually slides his hand between us and starts stroking me. I gasp and shoot him a warning glare to which he only replies with an unsteady laugh.   
It's without a word, our bodies entangled in an embrace I used to dislike, that I stutter his name in between every staggered breaths. I reach my peak with a loud moan and Eren follows soon after.

It takes us a moment to be able to breathe normally. As soon as he forces his contagious yawn on me, I let myself get lump as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"So?" He says, still out of breath.  
"Not bad." I snort.  
"WHAT?" He says as he tries to pull away.  
"What? You want me to tell you I've never been fucked so good in my life?"  
"I-"  
"I've never been fucked so good in my life. There. You happy?" I say. "And yes, I mean it so stop with the fucking puppy eyes.

***

**EREN POV**

“Oi brat! You’re falling asleep” He says while gently pushing the loose strands of hair off my forehead.  
“Don’t care…” I mutter against the pillow.  
“Shall I record this with my phone as proof that you can’t hold the consequences against me?”  
“All I want against you, is me.”  
“Cheesy.”  
“Well I’ll have you know that I like cheese.” I chuckle, letting my eyes flicker open.

He’s staring right at me with his piercing gaze and I feel paralyzed. Yet, my heart couldn’t be more alive than it is in this instant.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks.

I nod instantly.

“I don’t mean spending the night… I mean drop everything just like that… simply because I’m asking you to?”

I hesitate but then my gaze meets his again and I couldn’t be more sure that this is the right decision, even though this might not even last. Levi is right, I need to grow some balls and stop lying to everyone, especially now that I have a much bigger fear. I nod and immediately see him letting out a breath he’d seemingly been holding for a while now.

“Don’t play me.”  
“Do I look like a player?” I laugh.  
“I meant don’t lie to me, I’m trusting you and giving you a second chance. That’s more than anybody else ever got.”

My smile fades and I wrap my arm around him, forcing him to move closer. His cold skin makes me shiver but I don’t even blink as I speak.

“I promise you that I won’t give up so easily.”  
“Which means?”  
“That I want you, not her. And I know it might sound a bit too exclusive for what we are but I’ll take that over nothing. Cause that’s what I currently have; nothing.”  
“I’m always exclusive. I’m not a whore.” He scoffs.  
“Dude, you’re a stripper, how would I fucking know what you like or dislike…? I’m trying okay?”  
“Dumbass.”

I chuckle and give him a quick peck.

“How did you become a stripper anyway?” I ask.  
“Long story.”  
“I have all night.” I smirk.  
“I have better plans.”  
“Like?”

He smiles. It’s already terrifying enough because he rarely does it, but this one has something about it. My instincts are on edge, begging me to be careful.

“Do you like candles?” Levi asks.

What? That is not what I expected. In these few seconds, my thoughts fly in every possible direction.

“Well, I guess, yeah?” I reply.  
“You’re going to lay on your back and close your eyes.”  
“O-Okay?”

I obey, a bit nervous but it’s nothing compared to how scared I become when he slides a piece of cloth over my eyes and ties it behind my head.

“Can you at least tell me what we’re going to do?” I beg.

He doesn’t answer but I feel his weight leaving the bed, leaving me cold, naked and alone, exposed to whatever plan he has.

A minute later, I hear footsteps coming back to the bedroom and I think he’s right beside me. I wait eagerly for a touch or a kiss or anything…but nothing happens. Suddenly, I jump, surprised and gasping for air as I feel something hot rolls on my chest. And then there’s more, and more and more. It’s hot, but not burning hot. It’s…actually…it’s candle wax. My brain pieces it all together and I laugh as the smell of vanilla fills my nostrils.

“You scared me.” I say.  
“Come on, what did you think I was going to do when I blindfolded you?” He laughs. “I’d never hurt you.”  
“Says the guy who almost broke my jaw a few hours ago.”

I giggle and earn a gentle nudge at the ribs with his knee.

“You like?” He asks.

I take a moment to gather my thoughts as he keeps pouring the little droplets on me. In fact, it’s kind of a fun feeling not to know where the next piece will fall. It’s kind of fun that he’s not touching me, yet is doing something that makes my body melt in all kinds of ways. I am aroused, I definitely am.

“I…do. I’m surprised. I never…did things like that.”  
“Perks of being in my bed.”  
“I never understood the point of this. I always thought it would hurt but it doesn’t, it’s actually… quite a turn on.”  
“Is that so?” He pauses.  
“Mhm.”

Then it all stops. I raise my head, momentarily forgetting that I can’t see.

“Why are you stop-“ I start, but right away, his hands are on me, massaging my abs and slowly climbing up and down my chest, teasing my nipples, biting my collar bones and licking his way down to my hips.  
“It’s a special candle, it doubles as a massaging oil.”  
“O-Oh!” I shout as his fingers wrap around my length.

I feel his hands move painfully slow as I bite my lip to keep a moan from coming out. A second later, his mouth swallows me whole and I can’t stay silent any longer. A guttural growl escapes my lips and I can feel Levi’s teeth playfully rubbing against the sensitive skin. My entire body is on alert and all I want to do is touch him. Of course he doesn’t let me, he stays down there, right between my legs, out of reach. He accelerates the rhythm and goes deeper each time. Now, I never thought I was especially big or anything, but I knew damn well that there was no way the guy was sucking me so deep without even flinching. I mean…he’s what 5’2, 5’3? How the fuck does he do that? I groan, losing my train of thought as his skillful tongue teases the tip of my cock. I take a deep breath as I feel the buildup rising inside of me. I then stop breathing entirely as Levi slams his head back down to the point where his nose brushes against my skin. I can feel my dick becoming thicker as I’m about to come. I can feel Levi’s breathing harsh and unsteady. I then feel his fingers sliding down as he approaches my entrance. That’s when I come with his name on my lips, without a warning. I moan as he slowly and gently pulls away from me.

“I-I’m so sorry Levi.” I stutter.

I immediately feel his hands sliding behind my head as he removes the piece of cloth. I blink a few times as my eyes adjust to the shadow hovering above me in the darkness.

“Really, I’m sorry.” I repeat.  
“Will you shut up and let me appreciate the view?”  
“The view?”

He sighs loudly and pinches my nipple.

“I meant you all flustered and naked and fucking gorgeous laying in my bed.”

I shut up, for once. I honestly have no idea what I could reply. If he thought I was flustered before, now he’d be worried if he actually got to see my skin tone. I am probably crimson red. I have never felt this shy before. I have never felt like an object of desire before. Yet here I am, in the bed of the hottest human being who ever crossed my path and he says I’m fucking gorgeous. I am speechless and even my brain has a lot of trouble processing the recent events. What am I doing? I’m so dead. They’re going to kill me, especially her. What’s funny is, this pulls a smile at my face because I have never been more sure that I was on the right path. And if this isn’t going to last, because let’s face it, Levi would never want to be with me, it would be worth it for the time it lasts.

“What are you frowning about?” He asks as his head slowly drops to my chest.

He pulls the covers over us and throws an arm around my waist as his leg entangles with mine.

“Nothing.” I reply.

He snorts.

“Regrets?”

I quickly raise my head as my hand pulls his chin up. Our gazes meet and I make sure not to blink.

“I’ll never regret this, okay?”

I press my lips to his and lay back down as I feel him nestle his head closer to the crook of my neck.

“Stay.” He adds.  
“I had no intention of leaving.”  
“I meant stay the night but stay with me all day too.”  
“I-“  
“Please.” He says as his arm pulls me closer.

My heart does a weird thing that I cannot even begin to describe. I choose to ignore it but simply nod as I let myself doze off, knowing that there is no other place I would want to be tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hope that didn’t suck too much? Isn’t it fun when all goes well in the perfect fanfic world… But don’t you forget the task ahead…starting right next chapter. Oh the joy…
> 
> Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^


	8. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hello everyone! I hope this wasn’t too much of a long wait! I really tried writing in the past two weeks but since the con is getting near, I’ve been very busy and so it was hard to plan out my time. I’m trying very hard to keep this at every two weeks, bear with me okay? So this chapter update isn’t much but it’s the beginning of something and gives you a few hints of things that will be happening until the end. Hope you like it ^^ PS: I track: repressedfanfic on tumblr ^_^
> 
> Mood songs:  
> X-Ambassdors – Litost  
> Ingrid Michaelson – Ready to lose

**LEVI POV**

It’s at the ass crack of dawn that I decide to stop fighting my insomnia by pouring myself a freshly brewed coffee. I sit by the window as the sun slowly dissipates the fog outside. It’s a quiet morning except for the faint snoring coming from the bedroom. I smile as I picture those legs and arms spread wide on the bed with the messy hair poking out from under the covers. It’s been a while since I let anyone spend the night for any other reason than being too drunk to drive. Not that I complain, I don’t want Hanji to ever change. She knows more about me than anybody else ever will. She also tends to give great words of advice when she’s half passed out on the couch, watching an old bay watch episode and commenting on how this and this isn’t scientifically possible. I wonder what she’d say about the brat spending the night here again. I wonder if she’d say I’m attached to the kid. I’m definitely all in for his hot bod, but I’m just really worried about all the baggage that comes with it. Especially knowing how he’s involved with the Ackerman’s, knowing how they all dumped me when I refused to share my heritage.

When mom died, Kenny was furious that she never even thought about putting his name in the will. She gave everything to me. Every last penny of our Private engineering company, which happens to be the most sollicated one in a five hundred miles radius. I was 15 when she passed away so I didn’t have access to any of it for another 3 years. I had to find a way to survive. Kenny knew that as soon as I’d turn 18, I’d take it all. He tried to steal it and even faked being my legal tutor. He never was. My uncle would’ve been but they already had a little girl to care for so they refused to take me in. It’s only later, when Kenny told them about me, that they managed to find a loophole in the whole deal. They took some of the shares and that’s how they stole part of my pride, of my family’s heritage. The little girl was too young to remember, I’m pretty sure. But I almost broke her father’s arm one day. Kenny stepped in and picked a fight with me. If a kind neighbor didn’t call the police back then, I would’ve certainly killed him. Fortunately for me, the police already had a warrant against Kenny and he’s been in prison ever since. I never knew what he actually did, nor did I care. As for my uncle, we didn't talk since that day.  
Today, as I stand on a pile of cash bigger than the empire state building, I still can’t say I’ve found happiness. And if there is one thing I know, it’s that if it does exist, it might be snoring peacefully in the other room and I’ll never let anything disturb his peace, even less my last name. Until the day he’ll ask and care for it, I will never dare mention it.

I’m a valid reason, but only until he figures out that I could be a fair trade for his dad. Which I do not want to be. I want to be this valid reason he speaks of. The man he seems to believe in. The man he cuddled for the past few hours simply because he felt safe in his arms.

I want this to last more than I’m willing to admit, but it’s to protect myself. I know that sooner or later it’ll come crashing down on me and on him. That’s how lies are. And although I’m not lying, I’m not telling the truth either.

I turn around as I hear a few thumps coming from the bedroom, followed by a series of noises I would’ve preferred not hearing.

“Tch.” I mutter as I know this means I’ll have a toilet seat to clean ASAP.

I slowly get up and trade my coffee for a cold glass of water that I carry to the bedroom. He’s nowhere in sight.

“Oi, Brat?”  
“Ugh…”

I get in the bathroom and try not to gag as my hate for germs surfaces. I turn towards the small cabinet and throw two Tylenols in my palms before handing him the hangover cocktail.

“Care for a beer?” I smirk.  
“Fuck.” He says, visibly about to puke again.  
“I’m out.” I say, walking backwards to the bedroom.

Why am I even dealing with this? What have I gotten into,seriously… 

When he comes out 15 minutes later, he looks pale and sick. I almost want to comfort him, but then again, not only my disgust won’t let me, but he also deserves the pain for what he said at the bar. I smirk at him and he shakes his head sheepishly.

“Sorry.” He mutters.  
“You didn’t puke in the car, I won’t kill you just yet.”

He giggles before his face changes entirely.

“Oh my god, what time is it? I need to call work.”  
“It’s a little over 6.”

Eren then rushes to find his phone in his pants. Seeing his expression change drastically tells me that he probably has over a hundred missed calls and texts but he doesn’t seem to care for them more than he does for work. He pushes a few buttons and waits.

“Hi Mr Shadis, I’m leaving a message to tell you that I won’t be able to make it to work today. I am extremely sick and wouldn’t want clients to catch my germs. I’ll most probably be in tomorrow if all goes well. Thank you and sorry about that.”

He hangs up and I can’t help but smirk.

“But it’s ok to spread germs all over my house, that’s fucking great Eren.”  
“Hey I said I’m sorry already!” He says as a shade of red clouds his cheeks. “I’m just happy it was a machine and not actually Shadis. He’s going to kick my ass.”

I frown and gesture towards his phone.

“How about the others?”  
“Them…” He hesitates. “I’ll deal with that later. At this point whatever I say won’t matter so…”

***

He leans back and lets his head rest on my lap as we mindlessly watch tv and discuss random useless topics. The little shit keeps arguing about who’s the best droid between R2D2 and BB8. We obviously don’t get along on the matter so I end up throwing him a small punch to which he replies by unexpectedly grabbing my wrist to pull me down for a kiss. I struggle out of his hold.

“You are NOT kissing me with the lips who just puked a day’s worth of food.”  
“Meh. You’re such a control freak.”  
“A control freak?” I scoff, almost throwing him off me. “Excuse me for not wanting to kiss the residue of your half-digested food.”

He chuckles and starts talking about BB8 again. I want to punch his face for not agreeing that R2D2 is as wonderful as BB8 is, but I instead suggest that we should marathon a few.

“You want to spend all day watching Star Wars with me?” Eren snorts. “What a geek.”  
“That’s such an overused word. Are we forced to label everything we like, do and are? I enjoy good movies, just like everyone else. Can’t we leave it at that?”  
“Wow, I was just teasing you, don’t get on your high horse.”  
“I meant that for other things…like being gay. Can’t it just be a relationship between two people? Sometimes involving sentiment, sometimes involving sex?”  
“You’re giving me a headache.”  
“Be serious for a moment.” I add. “If you’re going to talk to them, they’ll figure it out eventually. Are you ready for that too?”  
“Can we not talk about this now?” Eren asks, his beautiful gaze meeting mine. “How about we talk about you? How do you make so much money from being a stripper? How did you become one?”

I sigh loudly and get up to go grab the collector editions of Star Wars.

“Sit and educate yourself.” I scoff.

***

 

**EREN POV**

 

I wake up a bit lost as I notice the pair of arms wrapped around me. He’s fucking spooning with me. I bite my lip as I try to contain my laughter because I don’t want him to move. Unfortunately I giggle just a bit too much and the small men pulls away from me slowly with a yawn.

“BB8 is still better.” I say as I turn to face him.  
“Stubborn little shit.”  
“At your service.”

We stay there as the silence envelops us. He gazes into my eyes and I somehow cannot look away. The corner of his lip quirks up on one side as his hand pushes a strand of hair away from my eye.

“Why the fuck did you walk into my life?”

I frown, unable to find a good answer to that.

“The real answer to that is Armin and Jean but you and I made that decision together. I wanted you and you wanted me so…”  
“I wasn’t expecting an answer.” He snorts as he sits up straight. “Get off, you need a shower, you stink vomit.”  
“Thanks. That’s nice.”

He shoots me a warning glare and I just raise my hand submissively.

“Alright alright, calm down Mr. Clean.”

***

After I borrowed some toothpaste from Levi, I find myself smiling as the hot water runs down my face from the shower head. The more I think about all of it, the more I know this is all for the best. It’s as if life gave me sign that I was heading the wrong way and sent someone to get me on the right path. I couldn’t call him an angel due to the whole stripper thing but I actually like this aspect a lot. It makes it so different from all my stiff and boring entourage. The only one who kind of stands out of the box is Jean with his Graphic Design degree. I envy him sometimes but I don’t have such talent either. In fact I have absolutely no idea what I’d like to do besides maybe travelling. I’ve never been to the beach before nor have I seen any historical sites besides the nearest ones. I don’t that’s Levi’s type though… Then again, I often underestimated him. How the hell does he make that much money. Hasn’t he been avoiding the subject a lot? Could…could he be… Nah. I shake my head as the idea of him paying bills with prostitution seems like something impossible for him. I wonder if he’s actually trying to hide something? He never talks about his past either. Perhaps he will once I make a move to get out of my current life. Maybe he will once he’ll trust me fully. I’m determined to tell them. Espcially now that I saw the texts on my phone. 5 from my dad, which is more than I ever got in over a month. I didn’t dare to read them. Two from Armin, 4 from Jean and 16 from Mikasa. My stomach twists not only because of the guilt but also because of how hard my next few days will be as I throw my life away for a man I just met. No. That’s not true. I’m doing it for me. Levi is only my motivation to do it. I wanna prove to him that he can trust me, that I can be brave. As brave as he probably was when he was younger. He did mention that he knew how I felt better than anyone. I wonder what that meant.  
I rinse the shampoo off my hair as my mind keeps reeling in plenty of different directions. I rinse my face and jump as I feel cold fingers travelling on my stomach. I quickly turn around with the hint of a smirk on my face. I blink away the droplets and see that Levi joined me. He’s gazing up and down at me. For the first time since we met, it’s making me a bit uncomfortable and I’m afraid he’s actually judging me. I slowly fold my arms but he stops me and wraps his fingers on my waist.

“Why are you so perfect? Why can’t I just throw you out like I would with anyone else?” He asks and then adds. “Don’t answer that.”  
“Stop, you’re making me feel giddy now.” I laugh. “I’m a grown ass man and you make me feel like I’m 15 all over again.”

He slowly raises his hand and presses his palm against my chest. He closes his eyes and waits a few seconds before opening them again. He then starts to kneel and I awkwardly try to keep him from it.

“You don’t want to?” Levi asks, one knee already on the floor.  
“Y-Yes. I mean… I just. You don’t have to have sex with me all the time to keep me around, I’m not… only here for sex.”

He raises a questioning eyebrow, a slight touch of pink on his cheeks.

“I mean that we’ve know each other for a few days only but I enjoy spending some time with you. I like the little arguments and your funny way of telling me to fuck off every time I annoy you. It’s not just about sex.”  
“You’re scaring me.” Levi says, about to get up.  
“I…I don’t mean…” I stutter. “I just mean that I just like this casual thing we have that’s all.”  
“Oh.” He smirks. “Alright then, but I still want to fuck you.”  
“I…”  
“Shut the fuck up.” He orders before taking me all in.

I gasp for air and slap my palms against the walls. My hand traces a path on the foggy glass as I start shaking from the unsteady movements of his mouth. He takes a moment to adjust to my length before he starts going deeper and deeper. I can feel the back of his throat everytime my cock hits it. It’s hard to keep myself in check as his piercing gaze doesn’t leave my own even for one second.

“S-Stop.” I stutter. “Too fast.”

He pulls away and wipes his mouth as he gets up. He then slides his knee between my legs and presses my back against the wall. As he does, his thigh rubs against my cock, making it hard to calm myself down.

“L-Levi” I stutter as I burry my face in the crook of his neck.

His hands caress the soft skin near my nipples, not quite touching them, which drives me insane. One of his hands then slowly travels down my back until he grips my ass possessively. I arch myself, forcing friction between both our dicks. Levi lets an approving growl out as his fingers tease my entrance.

“Lube?” He asks.

I nod and hesitate before adding:

“I should’ve asked this before but…are you…”  
“Clean?” He asks. “Yes I get tested every 6 months and since you’re with this girl since forever ago, I assumed you were. Are you?”

I nod frantically and Levi smirks before getting out to fumble inside the counter. He comes back a second later with a pink bottle.

I cock my head at him and he just spills some on his index finger before shoving it inside my mouth. I want to protest but then realize that this tastes likes fucking heaven.

“What the hell is this?”  
“Cotton candy lube.” He smirks.  
“It tastes like freaking lucky charms. Give me more!” I beg.

He shakes his head and gestures for me to turn around with his finger. I frown as I obey not sure what he’s about to do when suddenly a cold liquid drips down my back followed quickly by a tongue and some teeth nipping at my skin. As he travels down, I feel the intense need rising in me. I’m about to tell him to hurry up when he takes a bite of my ass. An actual fucking god damn bite.

“OUCH!” I protest.  
“Mine.” He murmurs, not caring that it did hurt a bit.  
“No need to bite me, I’m all yours, moron!”

He slaps me playfully before I feel the cold liquid dripping down between my cheeks. My eyes widen as I feel his fingers… no. His tongue, teasing my entrance. Now I may have had an experience before with a gay guy but that was never a part of it. It’s a bit awkward to have someone playing there, but if there is one thing I never thought, it’s that it would make me this hard. He even pulls me closer as one of his hand strokes my cock gently. I moan as I try to cool down my face with the cold tiles. It’s useless. The hot steam surrounding us and the …the… oh damn. The finger that just made its way inside of me.

“Hurry.” I beg.

He quickly slides a second one in and stretches me immediately. It stings a bit but the lube helps and I know that I’ll be ready in a second.

“Now.” I say. “That’s enough. Take me already.”  
“Aren’t you ever tired? We’ve been fucking like rabbits.”  
“Y-You seem to be an exception to any limit I might have.” I say as I push my ass against him.

He growls as his fingers digs in my hips. I arch myself as my palms desperately search for something to hold on to. Levi grabs my wrist and brings my hand down to his balls. I start playing with them immediately and rub them softly against me everytime they get near my hole. I then let go of them and start stroking myself instead as Levi’s mouth starts covering my entire back with hickeys. My back arches even more, as if it was possible. The pressure and friction eventually guides him straight to the magical spot that I definitely am looking forward to each time.  
I gasp and let the water flow down my face and in my mouth as I try to cool down in any possible way but it’s useless. I can feel and hear Levi struggling behind me as his hips thrust becomes sharper, deeper and quicker.

“Not yet.” Levi says more to himself than to me. “Fuck not yet.”

I tentatively bring my hand down and squeeze his balls a bit too much for his liking, keeping him from coming too quick too.

“You’ll p-pay for this.” He pants.  
“Don’t stop yet.” I say as I quickly pull him out of me and turn around.  
“That’s not a very practicle way of having sex you know?”

 

I raise my leg on the lower shower head, giving him easy access to me. It’s even easier since he’s short but I’m not going to dare mentioning that. Levi gives me an approving look and I smile.

“Good brat.” He says as he fills me again and picks up right where he left.

My hands travel on his chest and between the crease of his abs as they contract with each thrust. I wrap my arms around his waist and see the surprised look on his face that quickly changes back to a hypnotizing carnal glare. I grab his butt cheeks and wait to the next thrust to pull him even closer to me, sending his cock the deepest its ever been inside of me and immediately making me arch myself as I almost come from the shock.

“D-DO that again.” Levi orders as he helps pushing deeper too. “What’s that fucking angle? Oh my fucking god.”

We move in unison a few other times before the both of us are no longer able to hold it in and cry nonsense as we ride our orgasms down just to end up falling in each other’s arms as we lean against the cold wall, unable to move and not caring one bit that the water turned cold.

***

Levi drives me back to alchemy before his shift so I can pick up my car and get back home.

“See you soon?” Levi asks.  
“I won’t give up so easily. Don’t worry.” I add before leaning in for a passionate kiss that almost ends up in me staying for another night.  
“Try not to die.” Levi adds.  
“Try not to get people’s jizz on you tonight.” I smirk before closing the car door behind me.

***

I open the door, fully expecting Mikasa to be sitting there with some order of thai food because that’s what she always orders when she’s stressed.  
When I walk in, no one’s there. I frown.

“Mika?” I call out.

 

I feel a hand on my shoulder and swiftly turn around.

 

“Where have you been?” She asks, tears in her eyes. “I’ve been worried sick, I thought…”

 

Her voice fades as she stares at my neck. Her tears disappear instantly and her eyes fill with rage.

 

“What the fuck are those?” She asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hope you enjoyed the beginning of the end but it’s only been 8 chapters, how could this already be the beginning of the end? Hum?... Oh well ;)
> 
> Comments are always read, replied to and much appreciated ^^
> 
> PS: Sorry if there are typos, I'm hella tired rn so I might not catch everything. ♥


	9. Dishonest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hello everyone! This chapter is a turning point and I am sorry about it in advance. Those who are used to my works know what to expect. You also know I make up for it, always. I honestly had tears in my eyes while writing this because of the song that fits so well. It's subtle but you'll understand why if you pay attention to details. I'll try to update with a new chapter as soon as possible but Anime North is in 3 weeks so I need to rush a few things and might lack time. I won't leave you hanging, I'll try my best. PS: In the meantime, I wrote a one shot named Jaegermeister, make sure you read it ^^. Have a good day.
> 
> Mood song:  
> Fleurie - Hurts like hell

**EREN POV**

"I can explain." I mumble at her shiny eyes.  
"NO!" She shouts, raising her hand but stopping right before slapping me. 

She then takes a step forward and slides my shirt on the right to expose my neck and the many other hickeys I have. She sighs as she lets it go with disgust. Her gaze meets mine. 

"I thought you loved me. I can't believe this. How could you do this to me?" She asks.  
"I...I'm sorry."  
"Sorry my ass, you're covered in those, which means you had enough time to think things through."  
"You're right." I mutter, bringing my head down, no longer able to stand her glare. 

She raises my chin roughly. 

"Don't you dare avoid the look of betrayal in my eyes Eren! Don't be a coward."  
"I should've told you before..." I add. "I'm truly sorry." 

Mikasa sighs, clearly having an inner debate that I'll never know anything about, although I can pretty much guess.

"Listen..." She murmurs. "Whoever she is... she no longer exists, am I clear?" 

My gaze shoots up to meet hers, a horrified look plastered on my face. 

"I can't... I..."  
"If you don't put an end to this, I'll go tell your dad." 

Suddenly, a burst of anger fills me. I clench my fists as I try to keep myself calm. 

"What would it change to you?" I ask through gritted teeth.  
"Oh don't take me for an idiot, I'm not Armin. We both know your dad needs this wedding to happen." 

I raise a questioning eyebrow as realization fills me. 

"I don't get it, you knew about all of this and still wanted to marry me?" 

She nods. 

"I naively thought you loved me the same way I loved you."  
"I did!" I shout. "I mean... I do, but..."  
"But nothing." She adds. "Whatever you had with her, it's over now."  
"Don't you think I'm old enough to decide for myself?" I growl.  
"You're definitely not mature enough to realize what you're doing. Not only did you hurt me, but you do not realize that I'm willing to let this go and not tell your dad if you forget about it."  
"I can't forget about it!" I shout angrily. 

Mikasa pulls out her phone and presses a fast dial number. By the time I realize what she did, my mom has already picked up the phone. 

"Hi Ms. Jaeger! Is Grisha there by any chance?" 

She eyes me with an evil look in her eyes. Whatever she feels for me is unhealthy enough to threaten me into not leaving her. Who cares, I'll eventually have to face my dad, right?"  
A grin widens on her face as she switches the phone to her other ear. 

"Mr. Jaeger! How are you?"  
"Mhm, I'm alright but I couldn't say the same about Eren." 

She smiles as my dad probably shoots her a series of questions. 

"Okay, hold on." She pauses as she hands me the phone. 

I take it and immediately start feeling guilty. I can't tell him this over the phone, no matter the consequences. 

"Hey dad."  
"Son, is everything okay?"  
"Just a little stomach flu." I reply as Mikasa glares at me.  
"Oh, shall we reschedule tonight's little gathering?"  
"Gathering?" I ask, trying to figure out what he's talking about.  
"Of course Mikasa keeps your schedule up to date but you don't look at it... The restaurant with both families as a celebration of your union."  
"OH! THAT!" I say a bit too loud. 

I start to panic, knowing I'll have to do this tonight but then realize this is the best bet I have. I can tell him there, pretending I want to talk to him alone for a minute. Then he will not be able to explode as we'll be in public with both families and he'll simply be angry. Perhaps sleeping at Levi's afterwards is a good idea as well so he won't find me. 

"Don't worry" I add. "I'll be fine by then, I'll rest a little."  
"Take care son." 

He hangs up and I do the same. 

"You lying bastard!" She shouts. "How could you do this to me?"  
"Well you sort of forced my hand into this mess." I add, feeling less and less guilty as I realize she's willing to do anything to keep me, even thought I cheated on her...  
"You brought this upon yourself, Eren!"  
"You can't force me to love you!"  
"Indeed, but you'll pay for what you did to me."  
"Bring it, it couldn't be worst." I laugh, running my hands through my hair as I'm about to go mad and simply grab my things to leave.  
"We'll go to the restaurant tonight and you better not do anything stupid." Mikasa warns, lifting her head and straightening up proudly. 

*** 

Around 5pm, we're all gathered at a large table, slowly ordering when my dad pulls out a bottle of champagne. Mr. Ackerman smiles widely and his wife eyes me with a giddy look. She is prettier than Mikasa, she has something about her that is so mysterious and discreet, everything that Mikasa isn't in an actual relationship. She's cold, stubborn and apparently madly possessive. I sigh as I turn back to look at my dad. He pops it open and does a little one minute speech on why it's such an honor to join with the Ackerman's in celebration of this union of two childhood friends that let their love grow through the seasons passing by. I almost want to gag but then the first course starts being served by the waiters and they chase away any threat my body was giving me. I eat slowly and Mikasa's hand finds my thigh. I jump at the touch and my dad smirks at me, knowing what's going on as Mikasa was never one to hide anything she proudly owned. She definitely owned me, but that's about to change. I let my dad finish his conversation, or at least I wait 20 minutes and realize I should wait until dessert. I sigh again when my phone suddenly buzzes. I pull it out of my pocket and look at the flashing bubble. 

"What are you up to?" Levi asks. 

That's not usually how he starts our conversations but I don't make a big deal out of it. I'm already irritated by everything else so I will not be acting paranoid with everyone. 

"Nothing much. You?"  
"Wanna come over?" He asks.  
"I can't I'm not feeling so great. Maybe later?"  
"Did something happen?"  
"No, everything's fine."  
"K." 

K? Really? What is he, 15? 

"Quit texting, it's our celebration you moron!" Mikasa says, shoving my phone down my jacket pocket. 

Later, as we are savouring the last bits of dessert, her mom smiles at the both of us and raises her knife. I shake my head, pretending to be shy but she does it anyway. She hits her champagne glass, knowing everyone will join and do the same. 

Mikasa gets up and gestures for me to get up. She leans in to me and presses her lips on mine. The feeling that used to feel great is now foreign and unwanted. I am definitely done with her. I do end up playing the part as I know this is about to end and I'll no longer be trapped in this sad relationship. 

Everyone claps and smiles as we pull away from each other. We both wear matching grins and that's when I choose to lean in towards my dad. 

"May I talk to you in private?" I ask.  
"Sure son, let's go outside." 

We walk towards the entrance and I notice the worry in Mikasa's eyes. She excuses herself but thank god doesn't follow us. As the door closes behind Grisha and I, I take a deep breath, looking briefly at the intersection to make sure no one of either of our family is there to witness what I'm about to say. Besides a few people walking by and a teenager waiting for the bus accross the street, no one is here. 

"This was a wonderful evening. We're proud of you son." 

I look back at him, surprised and guilty.

"Dad, stop. Please don't make this harder than it is." I beg.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I need to tell you something about Mikasa and I... I don't..." 

Mikasa comes out of nowhere and hugs me from behind, almost giving me a heart attack. She smiles like a child on christmas morning as I grow even more irritated. If she wants to be there when I tell him, that's fine with me. She doesn't need to act though.

"Eren! Don't you dare tell your dad the good news without me." She squeals.

I frown and look down at her. What the fuck is she talking about. Now she thinks it's a good news? I'm lost.

"The good news?" Grisha asks, his smile now back on his face. 

She looks up at me with admiration before meeting my dad's gaze again. 

"How would you feel about being a grandfather." 

My dad's gaze widen but not half as much as mine. I look at Mikasa, trying to see if she speaks the truth or not. Could she be? 

"You're pregnant?" Grisha asks excitedly. 

Mikasa nods with a smile that's fake in every angle. 

"Oh gosh, you need to get back inside and tell everyone!" He says.  
"No, no." Mikasa adds. "We wanted you to know first but we want to wait a few weeks to be sure the baby is okay. Your blessing is the most important after all." 

What a manipulative bitch. If I had seen this side of her before, I never would've kept this relationship going. My dad brings his hand to his heart as the other one removes his glasses to wipe some tears of happiness. I am fucked now. 

"We'll head home, if it's okay." Mikasa says. "I need to rest a lot since I feel tired all the time. Do you mind?"  
"Of course not." Grisha says. "I'll tell everyone that you had 'things' to do. They'll understand." 

Mikasa pulls on my arm tightly and I can't help but feel a terrible pain in my stomach. I am going to puke. She pulls me in and kisses me passionately in front of my dad before he walks back inside, trying to contain his excitement. He will never be able to keep that secret and she knows it. I hear a small sigh beside me as we walk in silence, making sure we're out of sight before we let go of each other. 

"Are you fucking crazy?" I blurt out.  
"I had no other choice."  
"Yes, you could've let me tell my dad that we are over. You could've let me be happy."  
"But then I would've been miserable."  
"That's fucking selfish of you."  
"Is it? How I see it, it's that it's either your happiness or mine. Of course I choose mine because I know this thing you have won't last. I'll be there for you, always. So I won't let you push me away."  
"You need to see a doctor." I scoff.  
"I'm not pregnant, don't worry."  
"I knew that much." I say. "I meant because you're insane."  
"Maybe, maybe not." She smiles. "Perhaps it's just a bit of a vengeance for what you did, but I'll forgive you eventually, I promise."  
"Well I never will, so good luck with that. I'll tell my dad some other time, don't you worry." 

She smiles and turns to me as we both arrive to the car. 

"Tell me Eren, how will it feel to tell both our families that you're dumping a poor pregnant girl that's only been good to you? How will it feel to tell them you're abandoning your child for frivolous reasons."  
"You're the meanest person I've ever met! How did I not see this side of you before." I say, my chest tightening and my voice cracking. "They'll figure out you're not pregnant eventually."  
"Of course, I'm going to lose this baby when it's convenient enough to do so. We'll most probably be married by then." 

She pulls out her car keys, apparently choosing to drive us back home. It's a good idea considering I'd probably drive ourselves straight into the wall as neither of us deserves to live right now. I'm a coward and a liar and she's out of her fucking mind. 

I pull out my phone and lean against the window as I text Levi. 

"Hey! I had a rough night, I'll sneak out. Can you meet me somewhere?" 

It takes about 10 minutes for me to get a reply. I press my phone screen about 20 times before the bubble blinks. 

"Can't." He writes simply. 

I sigh, wondering what could be keeping him from... 

"Congratulations for the baby by the way. Goodbye Eren."

My heart stops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments will always be read, replied to, much appreciated ^_^
> 
> So...how does Levi know? Theories? It's pretty easy to figure out ;)
> 
> PS: Theories about what will happen?
> 
> I'm sorry, i'll try and update quick.  
> Oh by the way, I told a few people Mikasa would be nice in this fic.... maybe I found myself unable to do that XD


	10. Black dots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) YO! I hope you guys are ready because I made this one much longer since next week is the con (Anime North) and 100% sure I won't be posting next week as I'll be to busy BEING Levi loll... SO... turns out I can't write Mikasa nice... in fact she's the worst in this fic XD... I'm sorry XD. Hope you'll like this and thanks to people who comment week after week because this is what keeps me going and keeps me motivated even when I am not. I really really appreciated that and I love reading your crazy ideas. Some of you happen to be spot on as well, you observant little shits! Nah I mean lovely people...sorry Levi's trying to come out already because I'm so ready XD. Okay enough blabla... Enjoy and see you in probably 2 weeks but maybe 3 depending of how dead I am ;)
> 
> If you ever draw stuff from this fic, I track repressedfanfic on tumblr ;)
> 
> Mood songs (in order):  
> Kygo - Nothing left  
> X-Ambassadors - Gorgeous (What Levi dances to)  
> Lifehouse - Whatever it takes

**LEVI POV**

Hanji definitely wasn’t wrong this time, but like hell if I was going to admit it. Especially because it was getting late and I wanted to get back home as soon as possible. As I’m walking in the street on my way back to my car, I feel the cold air of the late evening rushing inside my hoodie. I blink a few time as my hair decides to frantically poke my eyes. I then pause, letting my shopping bags drop to the ground as I readjust my hood. 

I needed a distraction since Eren wasn't coming over tonight and although I fought as hard as I could to stay home and relax, Hanji still managed to drag me out. Shopping was fun, but not as much as the bottle of wine she offered to pay for at the restaurant. Both of us couldn’t get shitfaced due to the whole driving detail but it did help to numb ourselves a little. She told me about a guy she met that seems to be very interested but she hasn’t told him yet what her workplace looks like. I know from experience that it never starts well a conversation. Except for people like Eren, the rare people who don’t mind at all. Or at least he doesn’t let it show if he does. I smile to myself as I pick up my bags again and walk up to the intersection. 

I raise my gaze at the red light and press the button to cross the street. That’s when I see a familiar figure on the sidewalk across the road. I angle my head and squint as I try to see if it’s really him. Turns out it is. I’m about to run there to meet him when I notice a man standing there. A man that looks a bit like him although not so much at the same time. His dad I would have to assume. I take a step to the side, deciding to pretend on waiting for the bus beside a bench as I’m too curious to leave already. I also happen to crave his body so much that I’m close to risking meeting the evil man I’ve heard so little about. I listen, counting on the wind to send me bits and pieces of the conversation. Turns out I’m even luckier than that because the road is now almost desert from both sides and without the sound of the cars passing by, I can hear them talk just fine as it’s not so far from me. 

"I need to tell you something about Mikasa and I... I don't..." 

During a brief instant, I thought he was about to tell his dad and I would be lying if I said that it didn’t make me fucking ecstatic. Unfortunately, that’s exactly when the girl in question ran behind Eren to hug him. She smiles and I immediately feel guilt rising inside of me. A car passes by as I miss a few words. 

"The good news?" The tall man asks. 

She looks up to Eren and then back at the man. 

"How would you feel about being a grandfather?" She asks. 

 

I take a step forward and lean in a bit, hoping she’ll repeat this because I certainly didn’t hear it right. 

 

"You're pregnant?" The older man asks as he gestures happily to her belly. 

The girl nods and although Eren’s eyes widen, clearly showing me that he just learned the news as well, I can no longer hear their words. I am petrified and I watch as she pulls Eren into a passionate kiss, which he returns before they both start walking away hand in hand. 

I clench my fists and I can feel the blood pumping in my head. I can hear a loud resonating sound in my ears. I start walking across the street, ignoring the car that almost hits me and then walk as quickly as possible to my car. I get inside and throw the bags on the backseat, not caring if I damage anything. 

“How could you?” I growl as I grip the wheel tightly. “How could you fucking do this?” 

I hit the dashboard and then fall back on the seat, trying to figure out why. Is there a reason? Did he know? He couldn’t quite possibly know. It must have happened a while ago and he didn’t know. Now I cannot be with him. I can’t separate a child from his father. I could never do that knowing how much I loved my mother and how much I miss her every god damn day. I just can’t. He probably decided to let me go as well, now that he’s going to be a dad, he probably has other things on his plate. I know I shouldn’t be angry, as he clearly didn’t know by the way he reacted, but it’s a rage like no other I’ve ever felt. 

I pick up my phone and type a quick text. I instantly regret my words but they are clear. 

I wait there a few minutes before a police officer bangs on my window with their flashlight. I press the button and let it glide down. 

“What?” I ask.  
“Everything okay sir?” The lady asks.  
“I’m fine.” I mutter.  
“I saw you were leaving and that your parking meter has been expired for 10 minutes.” 

 

Her eyes had a warning in them so I noded and rolled the window back up before shifting gears and driving away from there. Eren doesn’t reply until I’m two blocks away from my place. I’m tempted to read the text but I’ll probably be too angry if I do. Instead, I drive a bit faster. 

As soon as I’m walking out in the garage, I pull out my phone. 

“She’s not pregnant, I swear. She manipulated my dad into thinking she is so that I can’t leave her.” He typed. 

I blink at the screen. Not only is this crazy but if this is the truth, it means he won’t leave her. 

“You don’t need to explain why you changed your mind and want to stay with her. I don’t need excuses.” I reply. 

Then my phone rings a moment later. I let it ring. Then a second time. I let it ring. 

It’s 2 hours later, after 52 missed calls that I decide to pick up. 

“WHAT!” I snap.  
“LEVI!” He squeals, clearly trying to contain tears. My heart clenches and I put the phone away as I take a deep stuttering breath. “Aren’t we done already?”  
“Why? Why are you doing this?” He asks.  
“Me?” I scoff. “I gave you more than enough time and you keep making up excuses. Are you sure you didn’t plan the whole baby thing because you never wanted to tell your dad and wanted to have both me and her?” 

There’s a long silence at the other end, soon replaced by a heavy breathing. 

“If you were in front of me, I’d punch you for saying that.” Eren says.  
“Well you’ve been lying a lot, how would I know?” I say, knowing full well that I’ll regret every sharp words coming out of my mouth tonight.  
“Oh yeah, it’s so easy to throw your life away, Levi. So fucking easy to lose everything with no guarantees that you’ll still have friends, a home, a workplace or even a fucking boyf… whatever the fuck we were. SO EASY LEVI!”  
“You poor little victim.” I scoff. “I was played by my entire family since I was a fucking teen. I have literally no one else than Hanji and Erwin. I had to fucking sell myself to live when I was younger. I had the luck of meeting a guy named Pixis who knew about a bar that was going to open soon. I had the fucking luck of meeting Hanji and Erwin. My. Fucking. Money. Eren. I didn’t have access to it for a long fucking time. I didn’t have anything for a long fucking time. I slept on fucking benches a whole fucking lot. Do you need more?” 

Eren remains silent and I breathe faster, trying to calm myself down as I’m about to crush my phone in my hand. 

“For once…” I add. “For once I thought I mattered enough… But…I was wrong.”  
“Levi! You said yourself you didn’t want anything serious but that doesn’t mean you know how I am on the inside, how I feel, what I do. I am so sorry. For everything. I swear I am. But I’m not sorry for being scared. I wanna be brave like you, but I need you to be patient and show me how. I need you in order to get through this.”  
“What if I tell you that I’m done waiting? What if I tell you this is too hard for me to deal with? I cannot keep wanting to see you and just hope you’ll show up the next day. I want to call you, I want to walk down the fucking street and be able to buy you a god damn coffee without having anyone to hide from. This was perfect as long as it was just about fucking, but it isn’t anymore. I’m getting attached and I see that you are too. Clearly this isn’t getting anywhere and I can’t keep hoping you’ll get your ass moving. I’m sorry.”  
“Please…j-just give me t-time.” He stutters in a tone filled with panic.  
“I already did that. Goodbye Eren.” 

I hang up. The phone rings. I turn off my phone. I close the door behind me and walk straight up to my room. I crawl under the covers, not caring one bit about the dirt under my shoes. 

 

*** 

**EREN POV**

"Who are you talking to?" Mikasa asks, swinging the door of the bathroom open.  
"None of your fucking business." 

She scoffs. 

"Right. Whatever." 

 

She turns around and heads back to our bedroom. I stay there, my back pressed against the bathtub and stare at my phone as if it was a dead piece of technology. I slide it further on the floor angrily before pulling my knees up and grabbing fists of my hair. I'm so tired of fighting. I'm so tired of always being wrong, of being worthless and unable to stand up and... But dammit I tried! I really tried. How the fuck was I supposed to expect her to do such a thing? I knew she was possessive but heck this is the crazy type. I'm not even sure how I'll get out of this. Is there really a solution to this? Perhaps I should remove myself from the equation, it would be so much easier this way. But I'm no coward, I wanna get out of this, I just feel stuck and I need to see Levi. I lie down and stare at the threads of the carpet, trying to count every knot that's about to detangle itself from the rest of it. 

*** 

I wake up sore and thirsty as hell as I realize that Mikasa is nudging me with her foot. 

 

"The wedding is soon, don't you worry it'll all be over quickly and then we can be happy." 

 

I stare at her blankly. Clearly she's fucked up in the head, right? Oh god. I shake my head and bring it down between my knees as I sit up awkwardly. 

"Get moving, we'll be late to the brunch."  
"I don't care." I mutter, letting myself glide down to the floor.  
"Suit yourself, your dad texted me and he's going to be here in about 5 minutes." She says, eyeing me before she walks out. 

I consider staying here. I do. But I'm too scared of my dad seeing me like this and having to explain without any sort of preparation why I'm covered in remains of red marks and lying on the bathroom floor. I also remember how strict he is and I don't wanna mess with that. I recall the memories of me testing him when I was a little younger and he'd just send me a glare that was the total opposite of Levi's, it was terrifying. The total of 3 times I actually defied him, not only did I end up staying in my room for months at a time, but I also had to fill 3 notebooks with reasons why I shouldn't shame our name and act like a child. He threatened me with a belt once but never actually did a move. I don't think he had it in him to actually beat the crap out of me. He didn't hate me, I was sure of that but he wanted me to be the perfect image of what he never was and he never cared what that would take. Even if it meant that I would exist only in his shadow for the rest of my life. Maybe that's why everything seems so dark and it's even worse now. 

*** 

I sat through the brunch like a kid who was instructed to shut up as the adults talk. Not that I minded, I really had nothing to say, clearly. I glanced at my dad a few times, hoping he'd get the hint that I needed to talk but unfortunately for me, Mikasa was checking my every move and making sure she'd bring up an interesting subject at these particular moments so that the attention was far away from me and my problems. I had not expected her to be such a bitch. I never ever thought she'd be capable of such things. I'm pretty sure she is sick, in the head that is. 

Anyways, it lasted for 3 painful hours and when I finally kicked my shoes off when I got back home, I threw myself on the couch and grabbed my phone. Mikasa had decided to stay with my mom to try some "old" things of hers to wear on the wedding day. I leaned down and saw that my phone had no notifications, no missed calls, no flashing lights. He had not called me. I pressed the call button. 

"You've reached Levi's voicemail. I'm unavailable. I might call you back if you leave a short message."  
I hung up and passed out a little after on the couch, tears streaming down my cheeks as I slept. 

*** 

I wake up in panic and gasp for air as I realize I'm in the living room still in yesterday's clothes. My belly growls, making me realize I've slept all day yesterday. Now, if stress and sadness doesn't explain this, I don't know what does. I press my palm on my eyes as I slowly get up. I look at the flashing numbers on the oven. 5h30am. Ugh, I'm no longer tired so I prepare some coffee and as I wait for it to be ready, I'm considering going to Levi's appartment. Then I realize he won't even let me in or let me explain so my best bet is probably going to the bar tonight. Mondays aren't crowded apparently, but he'll have to listen to me there. I can't help but feel like this day will take forever to go by. I sigh and sit with my burning cup as I stare out the window at the pouring rain outside. At least the weather gets my mood totally. 

I leave before Mikasa even has the chance to see a ray of light. I make my way to the office and thankfully see that my boss isn't there yet. I push the glass door open and sit. It takes me about half an hour to listen to all the clients messages and all the colleague messages who say they took care of some files because they know I'm busy with wedding crap. Even here, I can't get away from this damn reminder. Even my mailbox is already filled with ecards junk. I lean back against my chair and stare at the ceiling. 

*** 

I called Mikasa to tell her I was doing some overtime. She protested, obviously but I redirected her call to my boss, who confirmed I was at my desk working. He came to see me afterwards and I just shrugged. 

"Stressed control freak" I muttered. 

He laughed on his way back and told me good night and not to stay too late. I have been working all day on trying to get this new pharma company to sign with us. They were hesitant but I knew I'd eventually get it. Between the back and fourth calls, the day seemed long. Although right now it's almost 9pm so I'd say it's kind of normal it seemed long. I get up slowly and shut down my computer before I throw my vest over my shoulder and walk out. My heart bangs against my chest already and I'm not even near where he is. I don't know what to say, except explaining what happened. I don't even know how to convince him, but I do hope looking him straight in the eyes will keep him from running away. 

*** 

As I walk inside Alchemy, it takes me a moment to realize what's going on. The place is crowded like it never was when I came. I look up at the stage and immediately see Levi dancing to a lusty beat. His tight underwear are filled with money and some guys throw some at him. I clench my fists, trying to control my anger as I have no right to interfere. I stand beside the door, not knowing what to do or where to go and I watch the show. 

He twirls on the pole and does the kind of wave I've grown addicted to. He then throws himself sideways as he exposes his chest muscles and lets himself fall back on his hands like a fucking gymnast. People whistle and I look away for a moment. When I manage to look back, Levi is climbing off stage and walking towards a cute guy handing him a huge pile of cash. Levi smirks and acts as if he was the hottest shit he had ever seen. He then straddles him and starts grinding his hips, earning a growl from the man under him. I take a step forward. His friends are all cheering at the sight and Levi smiles as if it was the best night of his life. The guy grabs his hips and I see that Levi tells him he isn't allowed to. The guy smirks at his friends and slaps Levi's ass. Levi pauses and glares at him as he slowly starts moving again. It doesn't last long as I'm already there, shoving Levi aside while punching the guy's nose so hard that you can hear a loud crack resonate in the room. I growl angrily at him. The music stops and I grab Levi's wrist tightly. He seems surprised and angry. He struggles to get away from me but I pull harder, forcing him to follow. When I turn my gaze back to the door, my vision fills with black dots and my jaw suffers a growing pain. I blink a few times and see Erwin, dressed as the barman for the night. He takes a fight stance and I do the same, letting go of Levi's arm. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't about to shit my pants fighting off the giant. 

"I told you what would happen." Erwin says with a terrifyingly calm smile.  
"And it's all a misunderstanding, I want to explain!" I say, glancing back at Levi, who's already gone and making sure the customer is alright. 

 

He isn't and he's yelling at Levi. I glance back at Erwin and he's looking at the customer too. 

"Your fucking boyfriend will pay for this." 

 

Levi raises his eyebrows and let's go of the guy's shoulder. 

"He's an idiot, don't mind him." Levi replies.  
"I'll be waiting for you outside." The guy says to me. 

Erwin steps between me and the guy, handing him a tissue to wipe his bleeding nose. 

 

"No one else will fight tonight." Erwin warns.  
"The parking lot is a neutral zone, I'll be waiting outside to kick your ass, bright eyes!" 

Levi steps in front of Erwin, standing tall and folding his arms. 

"You won't do anything to him." Levi says.  
"Who's going to stop me? You and what army?" 

His friends laugh and Levi aura darkens. It feels suddenly colder in the room. 

"Oh just me. I suggest you leave."  
"Not without him." The guy points at me.  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Levi asks. 

The guy frowns and tosses Levi aside before lunging towards my face. Levi quickly grabs his leg and twists it painfully. The guy falls on his back and glares at him. He attempts kicking Levi, but he already moved to press his knee down the guy's throat as he holds his arms. 

"Fuck off. Now." Levi warns as he threatens to break his hand. 

The idiots nods and gets up, walking away muttering how much this place sucks. His friends follow him with their heads down, not daring to look at Levi. 

The short man stands there, his back facing me as his shoulders move up and down from the effort or from the rage filling him. I take a step towards him, but Erwin's palm stops me in my place. 

"Get out Eren, you're no longer allowed here." Erwin says.  
"WHAT?" I shout. "Levi you're letting him do this?" 

Levi snorts and turns around to stare me dead in the eyes. 

"I can't keep playing this game. Please leave me alone." He says, his eyes red, but his face cold. 

I look around me as I try to find a way. My heart cracks on the inside. There must be a fucking way. I refuse to give up. I can't lose him. He's all I have that's truly a choice of mine. I can't. I can't lose him because he's everything. He's all I could lose. How am I just realizing this? I glance at Erwin's foot and decide to make a cowardly move. I take aim and slam my foot as hard as possible on his. He steps back, clearly hurting a bit but not as much as I wish he would have. I then dash in front of Levi, grab his hips and throw him over my shoulder. He is pissed, to say the very least. He hits my back and he doesn't go lightly. I still manage to run fast enough that Erwin needs a moment to come after us. I keep running until we're at the very end of the tiny employee parking lot. I then put him back on his feet and immediately feel a painful punch in my stomach. I almost fall to my knees as I gasp for air but then see that Levi is standing there with folded arms, glaring at me. He didn't leave. He's waiting. 

"I swear, e-everything I said was the truth." I say making sure to look into his eyes as I do.  
"Even if it was, you'll never leave her." Levi scoffs.  
"I promise I will, I don't know how. You have no idea what kind of person she is. She's crazy."  
"She's an Ackerman, of course she is." He snorts and then frowns as he glares at me.  
"You know an Ackerman?"  
"I knew one...a long time ago." He sighs. "But I really don't want to talk about your pregnant fiancée if you don't mind."  
"She's not fucking pregnant!" I say, taking a step towards him.  
"Are we done here?" He asks, avoiding my gaze.  
"Fuck no, we aren't." I add. "I get that you're mad, I get that you heard this and flipped your shit, but I don't think it's fucking fair that you won't even believe me when I say I want to leave her, I want to start a new life, but I have to face my fucking dad for that it's a big deal for me, okay?"  
"Don't make me cry, I told you what I've been through."  
"Does this minimize what I'm going trough?" I laugh. "Because that's fucking selfish and dumb." 

He glares at me and then rolls his eyes. 

"You make me so angry." I blurt out, grabbing fists of my hair. "You drive me insane."  
"And you hurt me, so it's a fair fight."  
"I do not mean to do that. Why would I do this to someone I like?" 

My eyebrows shoot up and I can feel the heat climbing its way to my cheeks. I stare at him blankly, suddenly unable to form words. Levi's glare softens and he squints, trying to read my expression. Did I mean to say that? Definitely not, but it's true though. 

" **I like you.** " I repeat. 

Levi unfolds his arms and takes a step towards me. 

"You and your eyes, I hate you so much." Levi says. 

I raise a questioning eyebrow as his palm glides down my cheek, my neck and down to my shirt. He grabs a fist of the material and roughly pulls me down to his eye level. 

"I don't hate you either." He smirks. "But god dammit you'll make a fucking move or I swear..." 

I search his eyes as I realize what he just said, although it's obviously his way of telling me he feels the same, I can't help but take a moment to let it sink in. Which, is apparently too long for Levi. He presses his hands on my shoulders and jumps to wrap his legs around my waist. I immediately grab a tight hold of his ass as our mouths and tongues meet in perfect sync. I walk backwards until my back finally hits a wall and then turn to shove Levi against it. 

"Fuck!" Levi whispers in my ear as his back arches. 

I'm becoming hard and he most certainly feels it. 

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments will always be read, replied to, much appreciated ^_^
> 
> Aren't I a nice person? I'm leaving you on a good note for now and I'm sure you're happy about it. Sadly it's not nearly over but I'm giving you guys a little break who wants some lemonade next chapter? If you know what I mean? *wiggles eyebrows* 
> 
> See ya ;)


	11. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hello! I'm so very sorry about how long it took to update. People who follow me will know that the last weeks were crazy with the con and birtdhdays and all the crap but mainly my dad's got his scan results and his tumor has gotten bigger so I didn't feel like writing to be honest. I'm sorry. Hopefully I won't leave you hanging this long again but this summer i insane so i'm trying my best. I could tell you now that I am planning around 20 chapters for this. I don't want to give an exact number just yet. Hope you'll like this but I have a feeling you won't.
> 
> Mood song:  
> Secondhand serenade - Something more

**LEVI POV**

Two minutes. That's all it takes for me to decide, against my usually controlling self, that I cannot wait to get home, we need to fuck here and now.   
I push Eren's head away from my collar bone, which he's nipping at with his teeth. 

"Car. Now." 

He let's me slide to my feet and I immediately grab his wrist, answering his silent question about which car I meant. I drag him behind me. I unlock my car doors and put the ignition to accessory only. The music starts and I step back to open the back door. Eren smiles at me, his face flushed red and his eyes shining with lust. I grab him by his belt and shove him on the backseat. I climb on his lap and straddle him.   
I roll my hips on him and make sure my abs are visible as I know this wave move is something that drives him insane. I feel his cock pulse under me with every move but his jeans are a terrible downside to the situation. I pull at the hem of his pants as our lips join in a heated kiss. Thank god he gets the message and I step aside, letting him wiggle out of his jeans as I stretch to the front seat looking for my spare bottle of lube and condom. I find them inside the glove compartment. I inspect the condom which probably caught some heat and isn't very useful. I glance at Eren and he shakes his head. At this point we both know we're clean and I'm pretty sure neither of us has the patience to walk to a pharmacy. I pop the bottle of lube open as Eren finally manages to slide out of his briefs. 

"This has got to be the least comfortable sex experience I'll ever have." Eren laughs as he throws his boxers to the front seat.   
"Are you complaining?" I ask with a warning glare.   
"I'm not." Eren rushes to say. "But...just out of pure curiosity, what if I was?" 

He winks at me and bites his bottom lip. 

I shoot him a carnal glare and remove my attire in less than 5 seconds. I then throw myself on the seat as I stroke my cock. 

"Get on." I order.   
"I'm too tall." Eren smirks. "My head will hit the rooftop." 

I glare at him. 

"Don't make me repeat, Eren. I could be nice and pretend I didn't hear the subtle reference to my height here but I don't feel nice tonight. I feel like we need to catch up real quick and you're going to sit on this dick or I will make you."   
"Damn, I love it when you're angry." 

 

He kneels on the seat and covers two of his fingers with lube. He stretches himself quickly as I continue touching myself playfully for his eyes. 

A few minutes later, he climbs on top of me and presses my dick against his entrance. It slides in as easily as I hoped for due to both our eagerness to finally have this make up fuck session. As the tip passes the tight heat, I moan loudly and Eren releases a sigh of contentment that makes me want to slam into him. 

I'm about to buck my hips up, but Eren is faster than me. He pushes down, swallowing me whole and pressing me so hard against the seat that I have to sit a bit straighter to enjoy the moment fully. I wish I could look stern, look angry, look like it isn't so easy to get me back...but I can't. My back arches on its own and I moan. He then starts moving up and down at a frantic pace. Our gazes meet and I feel something bubbling up inside of me. Something that shouldn't be there and something that I know will be my kryptonite. I stare at his green eyes, hoping the feeling will go away but it doesn't. It's there and it's there to stay. I look away, trying to gain back control of the situation. I take deep breaths and shove the thoughts aside. 

"Are you okay?" Eren pauses. "Did I hurt you?" 

I see the concern in his eyes and can't help but let a small smile creep up on my face as I decide to quickly flip him on his back. My brain is foggy and every thought in there sends me back to a decision I have to make. It seems I've been doing the wrong one tonight. Not only for me, but for him. This'll be hard. And how can I even consider this? I push the thoughts aside once more as I appreciate the view of Eren's body arching under every little movements I make. He starts growling and looks at me with pleading eyes. His entire body looks like a gift from the gods to feast my mortal eyes on. The sweat dripping from his forehead and shining on his abs under the low streetlights, drives me up a wall and I want this to go longer, I really do, but I know that both of us didn't expect this to last long. 

I increase my speed, making sure I keep that same angle that's got Eren moaning so loud that he needs to cover his mouth. I feel my release coming and I glance at Eren who's biting his hand as his face becomes crimson red from holding the build up as long as possible. 

"Let go." I order through clenched teeth as I grab a hold of his cock to stroke it quickly. 

A guttural growl escapes his mouth as he covers his abs and my hand in cum. 

My own release follows quickly after the rough skin tightens in pulses around my dick. I cry out a moan as I ride down my orgasm. 

Soon after, I find my body collapsing on top of Eren's. His breathing is ragged and mine probably isn't any different. I hear his heart banging against his chest and I press my palm beside it. I am in deep shit right now and I have no idea how to fix things. I suck at communicating. I suck at relationships. Most of all, I suck at patience and right now my entire being has gone through a change that I can only be scared of. I close my eyes and focus on Eren's heartbeat. His hand starts playing with strands of my hair and I zone out for a little while. 

*** 

I wake up surprised by the movement of the car. 

"Oi!" I protest, quickly sitting up straight. "Who's..." 

I notice Eren in the driver's seat, all dressed and waiting at a red light. 

"I'm driving us home."   
"Home?" I ask, ignoring the way it made my heart jump.   
"Your appartment, I mean." 

I lean back against the back seat and close my eyes. I am fucked. 

A short while after, I get shoved inside my own shower and let the water glide down my back as Eren joins me. 

"I'll wash you, just relax." Eren says with a smile. 

I lean back against the wall, trying to shut off my brain and hoping he won't be asking for a round two because I'm downright drained mentally and physically right now. He doesn't though. He simply washes me quickly with body wash and then, as I rince myself, procedes to clean himself in depth. I step aside, letting him use the water as my eyes feist on the man that I now can't get enough of. 

When he turns around, throwing his head back in the water to remove any trace of shampoo, I throw myself forward and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my head against his chest. Eren almost slides and seems surprised by the sudden tackling hug and he attempts stepping back so that the water doesn't cover my face but I force him to stay in place as my hug tightens around him and as the water drains away any trace of whatever could or could not be sliding down my cheeks. Eren's arms wrap around me, pulling me hard and close against his chest. I honestly wish this would never end. 

*** 

**EREN POV**

"What part of ‘stay in bed’ don’t you understand, brat?"   
“I’m sorry, I had a short night." I announce with a yawn as I enter the kitchen. "It smelled like coffee and I’ve been thinking a bit too much to fall back asleep” 

Levi turns around and gently pushes a cup towards me. I take a sip but notice something changing in his eyes. Silence falls upon us and I really don’t know what to say. Yesterday evening all happened in the heat of the moment so does he actually want me to leave now? He takes a deep breath and grabs my hand. I look up to meet his gaze. 

“What’s the song she chose for your first dance?” 

I stand a bit straighter, removing my hand from his with a surprised look. He nods and I decide to reply anyways, wondering where he’s going with this and why it’s the first thing that went through his mind. 

“I can’t help falling in love. The cover by Twenty one pilots. Why?” 

Levi grabs his phone and starts typing. I try to peek but he steps back. Then, when he seem to have found what he wanted, he pulls a tiny wire from a shelf under the counter and plugs his phone into it. Suddenly music starts echoing in the apartment. I look around trying to see speakers but I can’t spot them. I immediately assume they’re the type that are small enough to hide anywhere. Then Levi grabs my hand and I frown at him. 

“Why are we listening to this? Are you trying to tell me to leave? Cause there’s a much easier way you know.” 

Levi remains calm and serious as he slides a leg between both of mine and wraps an arm around my waist. 

“I’m not dancing to this with you.” I say, struggling to get away. 

He pauses the movement and steps up on the tip of his toes to bring his lips to my ear. 

“Take it as motivation.” He whispers. “Everytime you’ll hear this song, you’ll remember running to me last night, you’ll remember this kitchen, this music, and me holding you like I could every single day.” 

I immediately pull my head away, surprised that this is what this is about. I'm tempted to step aside, to move away, to run even...but my feet are grounded on the floor and I wrap my arms around his waist too. I gaze into his eyes as his heels touch the ground again. There has got to be more than a teenage crush going on here…We stare at each other for a moment before I decide to give up. 

“Dance with me.” I order him with a smile. 

He smirks before guiding me into some steps that I'm entirely clueless about. During the 3 minutes of the song, all I think about is storming back into my apartment to say everything I should’ve said a long time ago. I gaze at Levi as he winces everytime I step on his foot. He doesn’t seem to mind too much. Not as much as he would normally, that is. I pull him closer and he leans his head against my chest, holding on to me like he won’t ever let go. It’s funny to think I’m stuck in such an embrace yet I’ve never felt more free in my entire life.   
The song eventually fades and ends. That’s when Levi takes a step back and grabs the collar of my shirt to pull me down a bit. He kisses me slowly, painfully slowly. As if it was some sort of goodbye kiss and I’m confused because I want more, I want to lie down and make out for the entire day if he’s willing to do that, but he seems to have other plans. He pulls away, his eyes red and his face flushed. 

“Don’t forget about me, okay?” Levi says.   
“Levi?” I ask.   
“You need to go back to her now.” He adds. 

I take a step back, feeling as if he had just slapped me. 

“I’m sorry what?”   
“We both know you aren’t going to stand up to your father Eren. I’d rather us remembering this and cherishing it than keeping on hurting each other this way.” 

I stare blankly at him and scoff. 

“I can't believe you! Here I was, thinking you were the only person I have ever met who believed in me.” 

Levi takes a step forward but I step back. 

“Then why haven’t you told them? Why are we having this conversation?” Levi asks as a tear rolls down his cheek.   
“B-Because… because he never did anything to me. But he’d hit my mom when she tried protecting me as a child.” I stutter. “He never sent her to a hospital or anything but he slapped her and hit her at least 6 times that I can remember clearly.” 

Levi walk backwards, his eyes lost on something and lets himself fall on the couch. 

“I’m sorry.” He mutters.   
“It’s just…not that easy.” I sigh. “I’m not the only one who’ll suffer from this. She’s been okay since then because I’ve been a good boy and I’ve done everything he asked so there were no arguments, but I am scared he will do something if I don’t cooperate.”   
“You should tell your mom.” Levi says.   
“I can’t…she’ll want to protect me. She’ll tell him.”   
“Maybe it would be best?”   
“Are you kidding?” I ask, baffled that he even said such a thing. 

He shakes his head and I step away. 

“Listen, I want all of this, but if you can’t understand why it’s hard…”   
“I understand.” Levi says. “But something needs to happen. It can’t stay like that.” Levi frowns, growing aggravated.   
“You think I don’t know? You’ve been telling me every fucking day!” I snap. “I told you I would find a way but the wedding is soon, so I’m stressed, okay?”   
“Do you want me to go with you?” He asks. 

I snort and Levi visibly takes it the wrong way. It breaks my heart but I'm too proud to say so. 

“I would rather die than tell them I’m cancelling the wedding, that Mika isn’t pregnant and that I’m also gay.”   
“Is that truly it?” Levi says through gritted teeth. “Or is it because it’s me? Because I’m a stripper…” 

I dash towards him and slap his cheek. He looks shoked but not as much as he's angry. Perhaps this wasn't even a good idea in first place. If he did care or wanted this as much as he says he does, he wouldn't fight to make it so complicated. How is it so hard to understand? We stare at each other silently for a few seconds when I finally shrug. Not carelessly, simply...of desperation? I don't even know anymore. I grip my hair as I turn around and slowly make my way to the door. I open it and pause. 

"I was starting to think you were 'it'." I sigh. "What was missing in my life." 

I then step out and make my way to the elevator. It takes a few agonizing seconds to come up and I can't stop hoping I'll be hearing rushed footsteps behind me. But...there aren't any. In fact, the silence is mesmerizing and the ding almost makes me jump. I step inside and look one last time at the corridor, letting this little flame of hope die as the doors slide shut. 

*** 

I park my car and lean back against my seat. I press my palms strongly against my eyes. Why the fuck is everything going to shit like that? I know... I know it's all my fucking fault but what the hell am I supposed to do? What's the actual way to get out of this? Truth is, there isn't one. But... maybe I didn't need an external motivation, like I thought. Maybe I needed to get here, to possibly the lowest point of my entire life, where I've gone beyond caring for anyone or anything, including myself. Then... why am I sitting here? What do I truly have to lose now? Not them, not her and not him. Not him because he didn't try to stop me, he wanted to run away like a coward, he wanted to give up because it was easier than to fight. I scoff as I realize this is so unlike him. Perhaps I've brought him to a breaking point. Funny to think the man has endured terrible things in his life, yet he couldn't bare waiting for me. Guess I will lose it all in the end. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. 

A few minutes later I'm climbing the stairs to my appartment. With shaking hands I grab my keys and unlock the door. Mikasa rushes to the kitchen with a worried and angry look on her face. 

"Eren! Where were you? I've been-"   
"Enough. Let me talk." I order as I lean back against the door.   
"What?" She asks.   
"I'm done. This, us, it's all over. The wedding, our life, this appartment, this job, I want none of it. I'm done." 

As I say the words, not only do I feel a weight lifting from my shoulders but I feel a new rage bubbling up in me. I look to my right and see my backpack shoved on the floor. I lean down immediately, ignoring Mikasa's protests and treats of calling my dad. 

"Then call him you fucking insane bitch! Why do I care? You already ruined my life, congrats, you win! But now I have absolutely no reason to keep enduring this so I'm leaving? Got it?" 

I don't wait for an answer. I empty the backpack quickly and dash towards my bedroom. I grab a few clothes, a tootbrush and some photos of my mom and I and of Jean Armin and I. Then, I turn around and she's there but I can't hear what she says. All I hear is my heartbeat echoing in my ears. She now has a phone in her hand and is speaking with someone. I keep walking around and when I'm sure nothing else really matters so much, I grab the door handle and step outside the appartment. She follows me, she's screaming but I still can't hear. 

I rush down the hall and throw the door open. The air hits my face like a first breath of actual freedom. I quickly text Armin to tell him what just happened in a few words. I then pull out of the parking and head for the hotel that I know to be the farthest from my place. Before I get there, I realize a credit card is out of the question because they'll be able to track me immediately. I make a huge detour to stop at another bank from which I take out a load of money that should buy me some time to figure ou what to do with my life. The thought of ending it crosses my mind briefly but I'm no coward, or at least I'm not there yet. 

30 minutes later, I unlock the door to a tiny but comfortable room equiped with a microwave and a mini fridge. I set my bag down and the adrenaline rush suddenly dies on me. I should probably take a shower but I can't find the strenght to do so, as it would erase the last trace of his sent from me. My eyelids are heavy and I lie down for a moment, a moment that turns into an entire night of agitated sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments will always be read, replied to, much appreciated!
> 
> Hint at next chapter because I don't want to be a bitch...Armin will be helping the odds a bit.
> 
> PS: I'm sorry if there's anything weird about this chapter, I tried really hard but I feel crappy so it's not the best mood to write. I'll do better, promise!


	12. Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Hi everyone, I’m gonna stop apologizing for how long I take to update because my life is insane right now and whenever I have free time (which is rare) I don’t feel inspired enough, so I write a little every day instead. I promise it’ll never go over a month tho, that will stick. We’re almost there anyways ;) This is the chapter you guys have been waiting for, cherish it… (that’s a warning)… Enjoy! 
> 
> Mood songs:  
> Kygo – Fragile  
> The Fray – Heartbeat (actually the background music at the end…)  
> (I like to incorporate songs in chapters if you haven’t read my previous fics, I do that often lol)

**LEVI POV**

I managed to keep control of myself for at least 3 hours before I dialed Eren’s number. I wanted to apologize, I really wanted to say that I didn’t mean to be rude. I simply don’t know how to react and how to deal with how I’m feeling right now. Especially knowing how much I’m about to lose to a girl, an Ackerman to top it all off, who seems to be on the boarder of insanity. His cellphone keeps sending me back to a full message box. I would have to assume that they’ve been wondering where he was too, that’s why it’s full. But then how do I reach him? I regret pushing him away although I know it’s for the best. Maybe…just maybe I should stop calling. Maybe he’ll come back to me.

“Tch.” I mutter as I shake my head.

Let’s be realistic here… Everyone let’s me down one day or another. It’s either that or they betray me. And since I’m a stripper, perhaps I don’t deserve something as real as this. After all… I do sell a dream and maybe that’s all it was. Maybe that’s all it should be. If only he knew everything about me…if only he knew I was an Ackerman and owned so much more than he knows. If only I could tell him. But then he’d want me for my name as a trade for her. He wouldn’t want me for me. I wouldn’t even want me for me.  
I want to give up, because that’d be easier. It would hurt, indeed, but it would be a relief not to have a mind filled with such thoughts and no way to let them out. Partially because I won’t let myself feel this way, but also because it would be unfair to force him to make a move. I realize that now.

I lie back down on the bed and stare at the ceiling, trying to find a way to fall asleep. It takes over an hour before I finally manage to pass out from drinking a little too much whiskey.

***

I wake up startled by an atrocious ringing noise that pierces my ears. I cover them briefly as I manage to blink my eyes open. I frantically start tapping on the bed, trying to find the little device. When I finally manage to get a good hold of it, I see ‘2 missed calls’ blinking on the screen. Eren! 

I slide my fingers on the screen until I reach the missed calls directory. Sadly it was only Armin. I blink a few times, feeling rage bubbling up inside me as I throw the phone on the night stand and let myself fall back on the bed. I growl as I flip from one side to the other, unable to calm my nerves. Why isn’t he calling me back this fucking id-.

The phone rings and I throw myself towards it. I pick it up immediately.

“EREN!” I say, barely containing my relief.

The line remains silent for a second and I wait, anxiously gripping the bed sheets

“It’s Armin. Sorry to bother you.”  
“What is it?” I ask, not even trying to hide my disappointment.  
“I think Eren needs help, but he told me not to go meet him.”

I get up quickly and grab the phone with both hands, almost screaming in it.

“IS HE OKAY?” I ask.  
“Yeah yeah, I think he’s fine.”  
“You think?”  
“He…left Mikasa last night.” Armin says.

I fall back on the bed, my jaw hanging.

“He texted me because he didn’t want anyone to know where he was going, but I’m worried. He seemed…lonely and sad.”  
“W-we had a fight.” I stutter.  
“A fight?” Armin asks with a worried tone.  
“Yeah…we didn’t separate in good terms last night so I think…I think it’s my fault.”  
“Oh…”  
“Where is he?” I ask quickly as I sit on the edge of the bed.  
“He made me promise.” Armin says with an offended tone.  
“You called me! You better say it or I’ll find you and kick your ass, shitty brat!”  
“That’s very eloquent. I’m…He’s going to kill me if I tell you.”  
“Well then you get to pick who kills you, isn’t that nice?” I say, slowly loosing the little patience I have. “Where is he?”

He doesn’t reply and I’m about to shout at him, when he finally speaks.

“I’ll pick you up in 15 minutes.”  
“You know my address?” I ask, surprised.  
“Eren won’t shut up about you, I know which building you live at, meet me outside.” Armin says.

***

**EREN POV**

I numbingly pop another beer open as I shake the TV remote to try and make it work better. In reality, I’m pretty sure every single hotel I’ve been at, has one of those. The remote that is a lame copy of the original, or the one that barely has batteries left…or perhaps the one that is sticky or has malfunctioning buttons. I got the latter this time. I finally settle in front of some shitty drama, since there is nothing else that is free. I lie down on the bed, still wearing only my boxers and wondering why I’m here and where I’m going. I take another sip and regret the fact that it takes me a lot to get drunk. I’m almost out of beer and am considering to go buy more. Then again, the bed is comfortable and I feel like I want to lie here until death deems me worthy of coming over and hanging out. I bet he’s a nice guy. I bet he’s like me… he does what he’s told… He brings souls back to where they belong? I have no idea about this shit. I just know that no one wants to die and this guy must have a very shitty life. I think I’d be his friend. 

A knock on the door interrupts my train of thought. My head wips towards it as I sit up straight. Fuck. They found me. I get up and gather my things quickly. I shove everything in the backpack and struggle to get a t-shirt on. I then slide my legs in the wrong hole of my pants and curse at myself.

“Eren. If you don’t open the door, I will kick your ass so hard that your mouth will taste like shit!”

I pause as I realize it’s Levi.

“G-Go away.” I stutter, suddenly worried that he’s not alone.  
“I need to talk to you. Let me in.”

I press a palm on my forehead and take a deep breath before asking:

“Is it some sort of trap?”  
“I’m not trying to get you out of this room if that’s what you mean.” Levi sighs. “And I’m alone. Now open the damn door.”

I take another deep breath and shove down the lump in my throat.

“I think we don’t have anything else to say to each other.”  
“Well maybe you’re okay with this, but I have more to say and I’m not leaving until you let me in.” Levi says with an irritated tone.  
“I don’t want to argue. I’m tired Levi, so tired.”

Tears fall down my cheeks as my willpower slowly gives up on me. I want him so much, yet it’s so complicated and such a disappointment every time I try to make it right. It’s as if happiness was never meant for me.

“I’m not here to argue. I’m here to apologize.”

I blink a few times as I stare at the door. I walk up to it and look through the fish eye. Levi is there, alone, and he looks…miserable. As miserable as me. His hair is a mess and his eyes are red. It’s a vision I never want to see again. Suddenly, I feel guilty for it all. I may hurt a lot, but I’m the one who dragged him into this and I’ve been inconsiderate for how protective of himself he had become because of his past. I…am such an ass.  
I unlock the door and turn the handle. I’m not even done opening it that the door flies open and Levi throws himself into my arms. He wraps his legs around my waist and pulls my head into a kiss that makes my heart beat at a dangerous speed. I walk backwards to the bed and let my free hand slide in his messy hair as I sit. Levi pauses as he straddles me.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again.” He says with a warning in his eyes.  
“Scare you?” I ask.  
“I thought you…might have done something stupid.”  
“I’m sorry. I…never meant…” I mutter before realizing. “How did you find me?”  
“Armin was worried.”

I smirk.

“I wanna be so mad at him right now but I can’t.” I chuckle. “You’re here. You’re really here.”  
“Of course, you moron! It’s not like I was going to let you run away so easily.”  
“I’m sorry we had to get to this point for me to make a move. I actually have no idea what’d going to happen now. And I’m super worried about my mom…so I’ve been trying to keep myself...numb.” I say as I gesture towards the empty bottles.

Levi shakes his head and gets up to gather them and put them in the trash. He then stands with folded arms and looks at me.

“What is this?” Levi asks. “What are we doing?”

I frown.

“I don’t know…you’re the one who rushed here.”

He sits on the corner of the bed, turning his back to me.

“There are so many things I wish I could tell you right now, but this is such a fucking mess!”

He then presses his palms on his eyes and sighs loudly.

“Levi, I left her. I just need to figure out the rest. If you don’t believe I can do it, you can just walk back out. I can’t do this back and forth thing anymore, even though it’s my fault. I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I understand why you’re hesitant and careful and I’m not even mad at you. It’s part of your charm to be on your guard and so unapproachable. I just wish it would’ve been easier.”

He turns his face slowly, looking at me over his shoulder.

“How can someone fuck up someone’s entire life in a little less than two weeks. I want to say I hate you but I don’t.”  
“I could ask you the same, you know…” I chuckle. “…You messed up my life pretty bad too, but that’s all my fault.”

Levi gets up and comes to stand in front of me. He lifts up my chin slowly and our gazes meet.

“I can’t help it.” He whispers.

My heart hammers against my chest. My head gets dizzy and I don’t know if I’m about to throw up or scream.

“What?” I ask, urging him to say it. “What can’t you help?”

He opens his mouth slightly as a touch of pink travels to his cheeks, when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. Both our heads whip towards it. I look back at Levi and he raises his hands innocently. He didn’t tell anyone. So who?

“Eren!” Armin screams through the door. “Quick, open the door, your dad’s coming!”

I rush over there to let him in and he drags someone inside with him. Erwin.

“What the hell?” Levi asks with a concerned look.

“Armin called me, saying he needed help to give you some time to run.” Erwin says.  
“Time to run?” Levi and I say at the same time.  
“Your dad, he forced me.” Armin says. “I had to. But I’ll get you out.”  
“What did he do?” I ask, petrified.  
“He didn’t tell me his plans, probably because Mikasa was with him.”  
“So what do we do?” Levi asks me.

I look at Armin, then at Erwin and back at Levi. I grab his hand and start walking.

“We run!” I say.

I open the door and as soon as I take a step outside, I can hear the ding of the elevator and the familiar voice of my dad.

“Fuck.” Levi whispers.

We get back inside the room and Armin quickly rushes towards the window to open it.

“Fuck no.” I protest.  
“That’s your only chance.” Erwin says sternly. “Hanji is waiting downstairs in a red pickup truck, she’ll get you out of here.”

Levi tugs on my hand and I stare at him with a terrified look. I turn back to the guys and mutter a quick thank you.

“We’ll be fine. We just gotta grab an open window.” Levi says.  
“What if there are none?” I scoff.

Levi starts climbing out, pulling me behind him.

“We’ll find one.”

And he was right, there was one on the floor below ours, 3 rooms to the right.

“Memorize where I place my hands and feet every step of the way.” Levi orders as he grabs a pole that’s probably filled with electrical wires. Fucking great. 

I follow and manage to get down a floor quite easily, the trouble is being able to move 3 rooms to the right. I follow Levi, but I’m taller than him so I have more trouble finding a good grip. My foot slides a few times, making me question why I’m even alive right now, but I end up getting pulled inside by Levi as soon as I reach said window. An old lady stares at us from her bed as she quickly pulls her covers up.

“What the…?” The lady starts to say but Levi interrupts her.  
“Sorry m’am. We locked ourselves out of the window after our cat stepped out.” Levi explains.  
“I thought cats weren’t allowed?” She adds with a skeptic tone.  
“It’s for him.” He points at me. “He’s blind.”

The old lady immediately grabs the phone and I run towards the door. We then catch the emergency stairway and run downstairs, skipping steps and hoping to get out of here as quickly as we can.

“It’s guide dogs, not guide cats.” I say, panting.  
“Shut up, at least I tried.” Levi argues.

When we reach the bottom floor, I slam the door open and rush outside. 

“There she is” Levi screams as he points the engine parked on the right side of the parking lot.

We both run as fast as possible, hoping they didn’t manage to come down as fast with the elevator, or that Armin and Erwin at least came up with a decent story to cover it all up. Even if they didn’t, it’s about time that everyone learns who I am, I’m tired of hiding and I won’t let anyone tell me I should be ashamed of who I am and who I love. I’m done living someone else’s life.

Levi quickly puts a foot on the tire and jumps inside the open bed of the truck. He then quickly turns and grabs my wrist to help me up. We both fall on our backs as Levi punches the window of the cab.

“Move shit glasses!”

The tires screech and we remain like that for a little while, watching the clouds slide above our heads as we slowly manage to start breathing at a normal pace again. The sky is dark and little droplets start to fall. I turn my head to look at Levi. His eyes are closed and he lifts his chin up a bit, as if he was appreciating the rain creeping up on us at the worst possible moment. I look back up, close my eyes and do the same while my hand finds Levi’s.

**We're on an open bed truck on the highway**   
**The rain is coming down and we're on the run**   
**Think I can feel the breath in your body**   
**We gotta keep on running 'til we see the sun**

“I can’t believe what just happened. I feel so fucking alive.” I giggle.

The rain starts to fall more heavily and I open my eyes when I feel Levi moving beside me. He sits on his knees, gripping his pants as the water glides down his hair and down to his lips. The rain is pouring down now and I slowly raise myself back up to kneel in front of him too. The bumps in the road seem to match every thunder we hear rolling on the ground. I press my palm on Levi’s hand but he quickly removes it. His gaze meets mine and then turns quickly towards the shape of the driver inside the truck. Is he worried about her? He then looks back down at his knees and his face twists as if he was hurting and I start wondering if something happened. Did I miss something? Did he slip while we climbed, is he hurt?  
I press my hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look at me, my eyes begging for an explanation.

**Oh you got a fire and it's burning in the rain**   
**Thought that it went out, but it's burning just the same**   
**And you don't look back, not for anything**   
**'Cause if you love someone, you love them all the same**   
**If you love someone, you love them all the same**

He stares at my eyes and then my lips and finally manages to sigh as sadness appears on his face. His hand slowly moves up and I expect a kiss, or a gentle squeeze…but that’s not what he does. His palm finds its way to my chest, right where my heart is.

**Oh, I feel your heartbeat**   
**And you're coming around, coming around, coming around**   
**If you can love somebody, love them all the same**   
**You gotta love somebody, love them all the same**   
**Singing, oh, I feel your heartbeat**

Surprised, I then slide my hand on top of his and press it hard against my chest. I offer him a smile and hope this’ll be enough for him to tell me what’s wrong.

**I'm trying to put it all back together.**   
**I've got a story and I'm trying to tell it right.**   
**I got the kerosene and a desire.**   
**I'm trying to start a flame in the heart of the night**

“I’m sorry for being so stubborn about the whole thing.” He says hesitantly as he looks back down. “I don’t know how to make this work and I don’t want to suffer again. I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m scared, but now I realize you’re scared too.”

He raises his gaze back up and I’m about to hug him but he stops me and shakes his head. I immediately think of the worst. He’s trying to end us. My eyes fill with tears and I try to stay strong but I can’t.

**Oh you got a fire and it's burning in the rain**   
**Thought that it went out, but it's burning just the same**   
**And you don't look back, not for anything**   
**'Cause if you love someone, you love them all the same**   
**If you love someone, you love them all the same**

He notices the tears and seems surprised. He then slides a bit closer, still leaving his hand on my heart where I’m holding it. He uses his other hand to cup my cheek and wipes the mix of tears and rain with his thumb. He looks back down.

**Oh, I feel your heartbeat**   
**And you're coming around, coming around, coming around**   
**If you can love somebody, love them all the same**   
**You gotta love somebody, love them all the same**   
**Singing, oh, I feel your heartbeat**

“Levi. Please don’t do this. Please-“ I beg.

He presses his thumb on my lips, forcing me to shut up, he then shakes his head and looks back down with gritted teeth.

“I’m not pushing you away, I’m… I’m trying to…”  
“Trying to what?” I urge him with a shaky voice. “Tell me!”

**I know the memories are rushing into mind**   
**I wanna kiss your scars tonight, baby**   
**'Cause you gotta try**   
**You gotta let me in**   
**Let me in**

Our gazes meet one last time and the entire space around us seem to freeze as his lips slowly move. I don’t blink and I try to remain calm but the words make me feel dizzy as they come. It’s like my heart is about to rush out of my chest.

“I think…I’ve fallen for you.” He stutters. “I…love you Eren Jaeger! And I’m sca-“

I let out a breath I didn’t know I’ve been holding. My heart seems to explode as I throw myself forward into the most passionate kiss we’ve ever exchanged. The beating in my chest goes a hundred miles an hour and I can’t believe the words he just said. What I do know is that I’ve been secretly feeling the same for a while, denying it every time the thought crossed my mind.  
Levi seems startled and it takes him a moment to let his arms wrap around my waist as I crawl onto his lap to get even closer as the heated kisses dissipates the rain drops on our lips. I kiss his cheek, his chin, his forehead, his eyes. I hold his head as I pull it closer for every kiss, realizing that I almost gave up on something that was not only worth fighting for but something that made me truly happy. Levi starts to giggle and slowly pushes me back, placing his hand over my heart again.

“I can’t breathe! Calm down, idiot!”

**Oh, I feel your heartbeat**   
**And you're coming around, coming around, coming around**   
**You gotta love somebody**   
**You got, you gotta love somebody**   
**You got, you got**   
**Oh, I feel your heartbeat**

I offer him a sheepish smile as I sit back on my heels and gesture towards the glass window of the truck. Levi nods and slides it open.

“Oi, four eyes!”  
“Oh, don’t mind me.” Hanji says. “You can keep the show going.”  
“H-Hanji!” I stutter.  
“Drive us back home.” Levi orders.  
“Where is that?” She asks with a visible smirk from the rearview mirror.  
“My apartment, for now.” He says while looking deep into my eyes.

I smile proudly, knowing this is what I’ve been looking for. I lace my fingers with his and bite my bottom lip, knowing what it does to him. He glares at me but almost blushes when I say:

“I love you more.”

**Oh yeah, oh yeah**   
**Heartbeat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Comments will always be read/replied to and much appreciated (even though it takes me a bit longer to reply I promise) ^_^
> 
> So…what in this world could go wrong now? Hm? ;) See you in two weeks I’ll try my very best!


	13. Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hi!  
> I kinda figure I’m done apologizing for how long it takes to update. I’m very sorry It’s so much easier to write during winter time lel… OK… so. I hope you enjoyed chapter 12... It’s never this easy, isn’t it? Thanks to everyone for the feedback, I love reading your comments and theories. I also got to meet one of you lovely readers at Otakuthon last week and I promised them I’d update this week. It’s Friday so it still counts right?? Loll… I’ll try and update quicker, again…I’ll try. As you can see I’ve updated the number of chapters. You should know that 18 is an Epilogue. Therefore it ends at 17. Please someone make fanart of the truck scene from chapter 12. Please please please… I’m not pointing at 09raito…but yes I totally am… (If you don’t know this amazing artist/mangaka, go follow them! Ok anyways… I’ll try not to leave you hanging too long but I injured my shoulder so I really have no idea how long it’ll take. If anything I’ll write like one paragraph a day at the very least. Have an awesome day lovelies and thanks again for reading this. If you don’t mind sharing the story it’d be much appreciated as it’s way behind extra pepperoni in my hits XD. Enjoy!
> 
> Mood songs (divide the chapter in half):  
> Ben Hazlewood – Wanted  
> Ben Hazlewood – Paint me black

**LEVI POV**

Perhaps it was too early, or maybe it simply wasn’t something I should’ve said at all… but I couldn’t help it. I felt him slipping away, and not because he wanted to, but because he was being forced to. I also didn’t quite realize I was going to say it until the words actually slipped out of my mouth. I mean, never have I before said those words to anyone except my mother. I knew, in that instant that I had to. The rain, sticking his hair to his face, his frantic heartbeat under my palm and his gorgeous green eyes staring straight through my own and into my soul, how could someone even think of letting him go. How could someone even want to hurt him in any shape or form?  
As I’m lying in bed, considering waking him, I think of so many things and all the hardships that awaits us. I know we’re both stronger and we’re not ready to let go now that the words have been said. I contemplate a near future with him. I imagine myself waking up like this every morning with my face stuck in a rat’s nest that has it’s very particular scent that I couldn’t trade for anything else. I also think of how bad the next few days will be, because there is no way this will be easy. The task ahead of us is enormous and we’ll be facing hate and many more things we could never be prepared for. I only hope he’s as ready as I am, because… I will fight. 

 

“Morning” Eren grunts into the pillow.  
“Morning” I murmur, pressing my lips softly against his bare back.  
“How long have you been staring like a creep?” He asks. 

 

I gently punch his shoulder as I turn and sit at the edge of the bed, slipping my fingers in my hair to try to tame it or at least make it look like I didn’t spend the entire previous night fucking and getting fucked by my hot… boyfriend. The word seems odd, but it does bring a smile to my face no matter how unfamiliar it sounds to me. 

 

“Don’t get up.” Eren begs, turning around to expose his naked body to my eyes.  
“Haven’t you had enough?”  
“Nevermind, I forgot that you’re old.” He chuckles as he serves me a challenging glare. 

 

I shake my head and slowly get up. As I walk towards the door and hear him sigh, I change my mind and look over my shoulder. He’s clearly staring at my ass and doesn’t even notice that I’ve paused. That’s until I turn around and dash to the bed to jump on him.  
I pin his hands over his head before he even realizes what’s going on. 

 

“Old…” I laugh. “By the time I’m done, you’ll beg me to stop, kid!” 

 

He bites his bottom lip and raises his hips to try and get me off of him. Either that or he’s trying to fuck me. I’m opting for the latter but that won’t happen. He needs to pay for all those times he mentioned how old or short I am. He seems to think it’s funny, grinning from ear to ear while every inch of him challenges me even more every second. 

 

“Are you done?” I ask.  
“Not even close.”  
“You shouldn’t have said that.” I smirk. 

 

I quickly grab his hips as I get off of him and flip him on his stomach. As he’s standing there on all four, making it difficult to look anywhere else than at his god damn perfect ass, I lean towards the night stand and grab something in my palm, making sure he doesn’t see. 

 

“We don’t need a rubber.” Eren says. 

 

He jumps when my hand gently slides and squeezes over his cock. He smirks back at me over his shoulder. That’s way before I put the cock ring on. 

 

“What the fuck is this?” He asks.  
“You’ll see.”  
“Come on, is it supposed to be fun? It’s super tight.”  
“That’s the point.” I whisper against his ear as I gently slide a finger covered in lube inside of him. 

 

He moans and I can’t help but laugh a little, knowing this’ll be a little painful for him. I usually used the cock ring on myself to make me last longer when I had a one night stand or whatever but the thought of using it to keep Eren from coming as fast as he would if I did all I have in mind in a normal setting. 

 

It only takes a few minutes before I have him flipped on his back, keeping his hands from ever reaching his length. He’s not taking it off until I say it’s okay. It’s not nearly enough. 

 

“Take it off.” He pants.  
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Perhaps I’m too old.” I say, slamming back into him. 

 

He moans and glares at me angrily and that’s a very good sign that he’s learning his lesson. Or perhaps he’ll know what to do if he ever wants something like that again. 

 

I angle myself just right and he curses through gritted teeth as his hands claw at the bed sheets. I can feel myself nearing my peak and try to hold on as much as possible, but I guess a fourth sex session might have been too much to ask for. I may be old after all but I won’t let him say that out loud. I groan and close my eyes, trying to keep my cool. Unfortunately, I look back under me and see him all sweaty and teary eyed. He’s holding his breath and I know I’m about to explode. I immediately grab the cock ring and slide it off. Eren’s face twists in pleasure instantly as he screams “Damn you!”… I come with a loud moan and fall on top of him after riding down my orgasm. His heart beats so fast that I’m worried I over did it, but then I slide a finger to my throat and feel a faint but too fast beat as well. 

 

“Vengeance.” Eren pants.  
“What?”  
“Vengeance.” He repeats. “I will make you pay.” 

 

I sigh. 

 

“Well, then it shall be a never ending war.” 

 

Eren raises his head a little and looks down at me. I angle my head to gaze back at him. 

 

“I’d like that.” Eren says.  
“I was hoping you’d say that.” I reply, nuzzling my head onto his chest. 

 

*** 

**EREN POV**

 

Later in the morning, we manage to get out of bed and shower. Levi doesn’t want me anywhere near him, because he’s exhausted. I’d say it’s because he’s old, just for the fun of challenging him a little more, but I guess I also am tired.  
I’m sitting on the couch, attempting to read a French cookbook that was lying under the table. Levi is in the kitchen, doing god knows what.

“May I ask you for a favor?” He asks, turning away from the fridge.  
“Anything you want.” I reply with a playful glare.  
“Not that kind of favor, idiot.” Levi chuckles. “Can you go across the street to the little bakery and buy a bunch of croissants. You could buy coffee and tea while you’re at it.” 

He walks over to the couch and hands me 30$. I take his hand into mine instead of grabbing the money. He falls on my lap and we exchange a soft kiss before he quickly moves aside. 

“We have all day and I want to make you breakfast, so hurry up.” Levi orders.  
“Croissants.” I whisper. “I like that word.”  
“It’s French. I always thought it was stupid that English people learned croissants and baguette as their first word… as if bread was the most important word of a language. I guess ‘Bonjour’ is overrated.” 

I stare at him blankly. 

“You speak French?” I ask.  
“Yeah, my mom was French.” He sighs. “I’m not as fluent as I used to be when I was young though.”  
“I am so turned on right now.” I smirk.  
“Va chercher les putains de croissants!” Levi says as he walks back to the kitchen.  
“Okay, okay…” I laugh. “I’ll borrow your dark hoodie.” 

I hear a faint ‘hum’ as I close the door behind me.

***

When the elevator doors open, I walk out with a smile on my face. Even the stranger who passes by in the hallway, nods back at me when I greet them. I mean, if I’m going to be here for a while, I might as well not be a jerk. Although I’m pretty sure Levi couldn’t be bothered with people in general. 

I step outside and pull my hood up, hoping I won’t get entirely wet just by crossing the street. I start a quick jog and stare at the street light, hoping it won’t turn red by the time I get there. I accelerate and almost run into someone. I stop and turn around quickly. 

“So sorry Sir, I hope you’re o-“ I trail off. 

My father is standing right there with a menacing glare. I briefly wonder what my best option is, perhaps running back, or running forward to the coffee shop. It’s too late now, he grabs my wrist and says something. The rain is pounding on the ground and I can barely hear him over the sound of the cars and the barrier that my hood acts as. I make him let go. He sighs and repeats, louder this time, how much of a failure I am and how much of an irresponsible human I’m being. I’m a selfish brat, a man with no spine. I start shivering as every word hits me harder. 

“Mikasa isn’t pregnant!” I shout as an answer.  
“YES SHE IS.” He screams. “You idiot, she showed us the test.” 

My eyes widen. I take a step back and shake my head. 

“Impossible…” I mutter.  
“You might not want to believe it, but it’s the truth. You can’t run away from this.”  
“Too late…” I say, still trying to think of how this could’ve happened. 

My dad suddenly pulls me roughly closer and grabs my arm tight. 

“I won’t let no son of mine be gay. Understood?” He says with a warning in his eyes.  
“Or fucking what?” I say, shoving his hand away. “What are you going to do? Are you going to slap me?” 

I turn around and start walking. Then I pause and decide I’m not done. I face him again. 

“I know how you work…” I whisper. “You’ll hurt me or you’ll hurt her, but I can promise you that if you touch mom again, I’ll make you pay for it, no matter the consequences. And I’m not coming back. I’m happy. I don’t know how you figured out about us, but I’m happy with him.” 

He smirks. The creepy kind of smirk that intensifies my shivers in a whole new way. 

“I bet you think you like him, but once you’ll know…”  
“Know what? He’s been fully honest and so have I.” I object as I glare at him. 

He starts to laugh, a growing and painful laugh. I feel ridiculed and toyed with. I trust Levi, so why is my dad so sure of himself. 

“Whatever you think, you’re wrong.” I say.  
“And I never thought I’d raise a child who’d never ever bother to ask someone’s last name before moving in with them. Tell me, Eren… how does it feel to go out with someone who played you all along?” 

I frown and I have to convince myself not to punch him. Levi would never lie to me. But I do realize just now that we never actually spoke the matter Levi and I. Not that I ever cared, but now that dad mentions it… I can’t help but wonder what he means. I lose my train of thought once he starts speaking again. 

“Levi Ackerman is a dishonest thug who stole money from his own family. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself and has been trying to make Mikasa suffer and pay for his past. As if he hadn’t done enough already to them. It’s your call, Eren. Who am I to judge how little respect you have for yourself? In fact, I’m a lot more disappointed in knowing you are gay. What a waste, what an absolute disaster. Imagine your mom, when she’ll know she’ll never be a grandmother and that you rejected the only child you could ever have. You are cruel, Eren Jaeger, you are cruel. Crueler than me.” 

My dad slides his thumb on his phone and turns it toward me. It’s a facebook page after Levi Ackerman. It’s him. What an idiot… These are the moments where I wish I had had facebook, just like everyone else. It’s public, so I could’ve figured it out on my own if I had been clever enough. There was a reason he never mentioned his name. He knew I’d hate him if he did. He knew I would stop trusting him after what Mikasa has done to me. The tears flow down on my face and I can’t help but sob loudly into my sleeve as I realize this makes so much sense. I don’t want to believe it. Did he really play me all along? It felt so real, though. How can it possibly go down the drain so easily? I should probably confront him. Or perhaps I should go up there with my father and make them talk it through to understand… But somehow, it makes so much sense. How he never mentioned it. How he said his family and him weren’t in good terms and twisted it the other way around. Perhaps he’s even working as a stripper because he can’t have a regular job. I guess that explains the huge apartment and all the money he has, he’s a criminal, a thief. I can’t make what’s true and false anymore, both sides could be lying after all, but it doesn't change the fact that he lied to me. He didn't think I was worth his trust. I don’t want to believe it. He…never loved me. It was all an act? I raise my gaze back to my father and then turn my head towards the sidewalk. 

I start walking…and then I run. I run so fast, ignoring the street lights and the cars passing too close. My lungs are on fire but I don’t care. I run until I finally collapse. I fall to my knees and let a growl out of my mouth. The anger burns me from within. I rip my hoodie off and throw it beside me. I grab my shirt and scratch at my skin angrily. These fucking marks, those hickies, his kisses, his hands on me. I cry and sob and hurt so much until a hand finds my shoulder. I jump and immediately get back up.  
I see my dad and he’s pointing at the open car door. I hesitate and look back. I sigh. I knew it couldn’t be true. I climb in and slam the door shut.

***

**LEVI POV**

It takes about an hour before I start wondering where the brat went. At first I assumed he was probably digging more stuff than what I asked for, but one hour seems pretty long for a trip to a bakery that’s just across the street. I walk to the bedroom and fetch my phone from my pants. I dial his number and wait. It’s when he doesn’t answer and it goes straight to voicemail that I know something’s weird. I decide to text him instead, this way he’ll see it eventually.

“Oi! It’s almost lunch time, where have you gone now?”

I don’t expect an answer…not yet…and especially not the one I get.

“Is your last name Ackerman?”

The bold text, which I imagine would be in capital letters if he actually wrote the way he thought about the words, scare the shit out of me.  
I see… So this is why he’s gone. I cannot lie, and it’s not like I meant to. I simply didn’t want him to want me for my name. Or hate me for it… Either way, it was a wrong move on my part.

“Yes.” I text back.

I quickly write another answer to follow.

“But I thought it would matter more to you than who I was. I never meant to hide it. I just figured that since you never asked…it didn’t matter. Does it?”  
“Yes” Eren replies. “You played me. You lied to me. We’re done.”

A bullet to the heart. At least that’s how it feels.

“Eren, it’s just a name, I don’t understand. Why are you doing this?”

This time, I don’t get an answer. I try to call, but the voicemail answers me right away. He shut down his phone. What the hell happened? Did Erwin tell him my last name? Or perhaps his clever friend Armin found out? Then again, why is it such a big deal? Perhaps he associates me with the Ackermans he knows? Does he really think I’m like them? Or is it Mikasa… Is it her? Did her father tell her about me? About what he did to me?

Suddenly, my eyes widen in realization.

Oh…Surely he didn’t. Oh I see… I get it now. Of course he wouldn’t put the blame on himself, he’d find the perfect way to make me fall.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I feel my eyes getting itchy.

“And you believed them so easily…” I sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/C) Comments will always be read, replied to and much appreciated ^_^
> 
> I’m so sorry guys. So so sorry. But you know me, I’ll make up for it… I write rollercoasters, that’s what I’m good at. I’m sorry, again… Don’t hate me.
> 
> PS: Sorry if there are any bad mistakes, I'm so tired. Tell me if something's unreadable.


	14. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hey! Just wanna tell you there are only a few chapters left. Reminder, there will be 17 chapters and one epilogue. Total 18 chapters. This is chapter 14 soooo hang tight! You know I keep my promises mhm? Ok so after the previous chapter I lost absolutely all interest in writing this fic. Reason? I think I went a bit hard with the rollercoaster in Repressed and people are getting tired and mad lol… Either way, it’ll go as planned, since the plot is already all written, but you should know that all my fics have lots of good and bad feels in them. NOW, I’m asking you to trust me okay? In the meantime, I’ll try and get my motivation to write, back. If anything you guys can go read extra pepperoni. It has lots of feels but it’s also funny so you might like it better and it’ll help you to cope with Repressed. The chapter is entirely in Eren's POV
> 
> Mood songs (yes 3…because…well the titles says it all…now good luck not to cry):  
> -Illenium – Fortress  
> -Aquilo – Losing you  
> -Barcelona – Please don’t go
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: SHORT REFERENCE TO SUICIDAL BEHAVIOR

The water gliding down my back comforts me in a way nothing else could. Of course, mom tried to follow me as soon as I entered the house, but dad kept her from doing so. I locked the door of what once was my bedroom and decided to head into the shower. It’s now, that all my thoughts intertwine and that I’m suddenly left being a mess on my own. I very well know that Levi probably didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Now that I’ve calmed down, or tried to, I can see that he must have feared this would happen since the very start. I’m not big on lies myself, but I know that even the tiniest one can bring you up a wall quicker than you’d ever expected. Then again, I still feel like he didn’t trust me enough with this… While I was here, sacrificing my entire life for him. Not that I had a lot of things to sacrifice, but it was a huge leap to take and I took it without any regrets…until now. I didn’t think Mikasa could really be pregnant either.  
I start counting the days, the months and although it doesn’t add up, I cannot go against a freaking test. Did she get pregnant from someone else in order to keep me around? Nah…that would be pretty messed up. I must have forgotten one occasion or…maybe I was drunk?  
As I try to find a justification, I hear a faint chime echo in the room. My phone is ringing. It’s probably Levi… but I’m too much of a coward to talk to him. What else could I say? I’m not even sure how I feel anymore.

Mikasa is pregnant but then again she is a manipulative bitch that played so long behind my back that I can’t exactly trust whatever is going on to be entirely true. Then, there’s my dad, who suddenly acts like he cares about me but clearly only cares about the amount of money and fame I can get him… He cares about my last name more than he does about me. It was sort of clear that I wasn’t allowed being gay and I despise him for that. Not only that, but I knew this would make me hate him even more one day. And finally there’s mom, who probably has no idea what’s going on and tries to please everyone the best she can, as she always does. I’m not entirely sure she’d be as supportive as any other mother could possibly be, but I sure as hell know she would at least listen to what I have to say, just like Armin does.  
And Armin…Erwin… what happened to them after we ran out of the hotel? Did Hanji pick them up? Did my dad find them? I should’ve thought about that earlier. I should’ve at least texted Armin to ask if he was alright. 

But…he….Levi…said he loved me. And that changed it all.

I guess I only have two options left. Either I go see Levi, we talk things through and fight whatever’s to come. Or… I go and see Mikasa to discuss this child that is supposedly mine and make a decision afterwards. It’s only clear to me that I never want to live or breathe the same air as Mikasa, but if this child really is mine, I will have to take responsibility for it, no matter the cost.

I straighten up and glance at my reflection in the shower head.

“Clearly, you can’t do anything right.” I sigh.

***

A little after 2, I can’t help but feel hunger after the smell of mom’s spaghetti insidiously enters my room. I don’t even attempt to sneak out, I instead decide that whatever it is I need to explain, no amount of lying down on my old bed will help me find the right words.

I walk into the kitchen and ignore my dad’s glance. I immediately head to the stove to royally burn my finger into the very appealing tomato sauce. I wince as I quickly lick off the excess from my hand. Mom blinks at me, as if she’d seen a ghost.

“Eren.” She sighs, tentatively walking up to me with open arms.

I let her. I have to at least try and explain everything to her. My father coughs and I know it’s probably a warning more than anything else. But at this point, I frankly got nothing else to lose so I might as well be open about everything.

“Why aren’t you at work? You got me worried sick these past few days.” She says as she lets me go.  
“I… It’s a long story. I’m pretty sure I no longer have a job.” I say as I sit down at the kitchen island to watch her finish up the meal.

She stares at me and then dad starts to laugh loudly. He gets up and sits beside me. He squeezes my thigh and I look at him with a challenging glare.

“Come on dear.” He says to her. “You know our son, he’s been needing some time off after overworking himself.”

My mom seems relieved to hear it, but that’s not good for me. I squeeze my dad’s hand out of the way.

“In fact, dad…” I sigh. “I’m pretty sure I no longer have a job. I’ve been missing several days without giving any words as to why. I also don’t want to get back there if that’s what you are implying by me needing time off.”  
“Eren.” He warns.  
“B-but I thought you loved that job?” Mom says.  
“I don’t hate it…” I add. “I just… I thought I’d be happier doing something else. Being the real me.”  
“The real you?” She asks, leaning against the counter with worry in her eyes.  
“There are a lot of things you don’t know. I should’ve told you a long time ago. I-“  
“Eren!” Dad shouts. “That’s enough!”  
“I have been lying to everyone.” I add, ignoring my dad’s palm at the back of my neck. “I-…”

He pushes me down to the floor and raises his fist. Mom screams and tries to get him off me. Dad bounces back up to shove her aside. She hits the counter loudly and falls to the floor with a heavy cry. I then turn my gaze back to his, with a whole new determination in it.

“You don’t fucking own me.” I shout.  
“I built you up, I won’t let you sacrifice your life!” He growls before sending a punch to my jaw.

I spit some blood and throw my leg forward, wrapping it around his torso and pushing him down to the floor. Tables have turned, I’m now the one on top. I raise my fist when suddenly mom screams.

“EREN NO!”

I try and do it anyway, but my body has given up already. Grisha’s eyes glimmer. He knows he won. It’s always her. She is my weakness.

“I’m going to tell mom everything, whether you want to or not.” I say calmly. “After that, we can discuss what is going to happen.”  
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen…” Dad starts.  
“Grisha Jaeger!” Mom interjects as she painfully sits down. “My son wants to talk, and he will talk. Are we clear?”

An exchange of gazes between the 3 of us starts, until finally dad nods. I let him go and he walks out of the kitchen immediately. I sit next to her and start talking.

“I know you weren’t aware of my…condition. I know that dad is too ashamed to tell you as well… but in order to understand, I need to tell you the truth.”

I look down and my joined hands before continuing.

“I am gay.” I sigh. “I think I always knew, but I never let myself believe it was true. Until I met someone.”

She doesn’t speak. Not a word. She doesn’t move either and I’m too scared to look at her face and see deception in her eyes.  
It takes a few alarmingly long seconds before her hand finally slides over mine.

“Listen, Eren. No matter who you love, I can’t be the judge of it. It’s between you and this person. But I will say this one thing. You need to understand that this is still hard for me to process.”

A tear falls down my cheek and she immediately brushes it away, forcing me to look into her eyes.

“It’s not a bad thing! It’s just something I will have to learn to understand. I thought I knew you, but clearly I wasn’t a good enough mom…”  
“NO!” I shout. “It’s not your fault. That’s the point of this whole thing. I’m the one who always listens to everyone but myself. Right now I’m trying to make things right for once and for that I need to be true to everyone and that includes my own self. I’ve been lying for too long.”  
“Then I am glad to support you in any possible way.” She says, her smile fading away. “But, you know that you’ve got responsibilities now. You cannot run away from this. And whoever this someone is, has to understand that he cannot be a priority for you.”  
“For all I know, we’re over.”

She frowns.

“Tell me everything, I’ll go make some tea.”

***

About 4 hours later, after the longest conversation I’ve ever had with my mom, ever, we walk into my old apartment building. Somehow she convinced me to at least give Mikasa the benefit of the doubt.

“Honey,” My mom says. “Remember, that you’re doing this for the baby. You want to be in the child’s life and you have no other choice in order to do that.”  
“Am I really forced to get married with her, though?” I sigh, looking down at my feet.  
“Yes.” Grisha answers.

Mom glares at him before turning back to me.

“Getting married with Mikasa will not only make sure that you’ll get to see the child as much as you want, but it will also provide enough money for his entire life. You know who her father is, you know that we aren’t as lucky as this family and that your kid will need this. It’s for the greater good.”  
“Your mom is right.” My father says. “You’ll have to do it for the child.”  
“Stop acting like the nice guy.” I scoff. “You’re an asshole and if you ever touch mom again, I’ll destroy you.”  
“Eren… this isn’t the right moment.” She says, clearing her throat.

When we finally reach the door, Mikasa opens it. Her lips are pressed in a thin line and she quickly leans in to peck my cheek. I want to puke but then again, I’m gonna have to grow some bigger balls to get through this.   
I fetch something in my pocket and hand it to her.

“What’s this?” Mom asks.  
“A pregnancy test.” I reply. “I want to be sure.”  
“Eren Jaeger!” My dad shouts.  
“It’s fine Mr. Jaeger.” Mikasa adds. “I’ll do it, it’s not a problem.

My eyebrows shoot up as every little ounce of doubt I had flies away. If she isn’t scared of that test, it means she really is… It can’t be.

***

10 minutes later, here I am, sitting on the couch with both my parents beside me as we wait for Mikasa to come out of the bathroom with a brand new pregnancy test. The door clicks and my mom smiles at me. I gaze back at the door and see Mikasa walking up to me. She hands me back the test and it is clearly positive. That’s when I fall in this sort of trans, still trying to find how and when it could’ve happened. Trying to figure a way out again. I’m going to lose everything I care for because of this. But I also cannot abandon a child. I slowly glide down from the couch and gag. My mom immediately kneels beside me to pat my back.

“Shhh. You’ll be fine Eren.”

I then puke all over what was Mikasa’s imported carpet. I can practically hear her rolling her eyes as she brings some towels to wipe everything off. My angel of a mom takes care of it as I crawl to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and get up. I stare at myself in the mirror and suddenly all the tears I’ve accumulated come out. My face twists in a painful expression as my heart takes in the hit. I’ll never be able to get him back now. How could he want anything to do with me? How could I ask for him to wait until the child as grown. How… So many questions… Yet none I could answer.

I look at the razor lying on the counter and I quickly grab it. I look back at myself in the mirror as I hold the solution to my problem over my wrist. I bite my lip to find the courage not to cry out or scream. But then, I recall the memory of him teasing me because I would bite my lip when our bodies were tangled together. I drop the sharp object and grab the sides of the sink, trying to hold myself up as my knees start to shake. I fall to the ground and wonder how I could let it get this far with MIkasa and my job…and basically my entire life. I get my phone out and start typing.

“I love you.”

But then, I erase it and throw it across the bathroom. I can’t be selfish. I have to stay with them. I have to make sure to be a good father to this child, unlike mine. One day, when the opportunity comes, I will get out of this marriage. One day, when he’ll be able to understand why I did it all. I have to be selfless, for the sake of the child and for the sake of those who, like Levi, are betrayed by their family. I have to be sure this never happens to him. What if it's a girl though? Either way, I shall pay the price for all my mistakes in such a way. I shall forget what I want and remember what I need to do. I have to let him go. I have… to shut myself out. 

***

Hanji stops me as soon as I enter the bar.

“Out.” She barks.

I take a deep breath and my gaze slides to the stage, where a small figure is performing some acrobatic moves on the dance pole. I know it’s Levi but as usual only his shadow is noticeable. I instantly recognize Do I wanna know by Arctic Monkeys. I take a step forward but surprisingly strong arms grab my shoulders.

“I said get out.” Hanji insists.  
“I need to talk to him.” I say, shoving her hands out of the way. “I can’t let it end like that.”  
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” She scoffs. “He trusted you. He never trusts anyone.”  
“I know, okay?” I say through gritted teeth. “It’s not my fault if he lied.”

She laughs and pushes me towards the door.

“Come the fuck on, Eren. Are you being serious? He lied about his last name and suddenly he’s the bad guy?”

She opens the door and gestures for me to get out before continuing.

“Let me tell you one thing; Levi Ackerman is the sweetest human being that’s ever walked this earth and I always promised him I’d never let anyone hurt him ever again. I failed. I failed because of you. Because I trusted that you were right for him. I deeply believed with every inch of my being that you were meant to be together. I am more than disappointed, Eren. I am completely devastated by what you’ve done to him. He won’t ever forgive you. Remember that.”

She gives me a not so gentle push and I stumble outside. I curse at myself as I let the words sink in. I know all this. I fucking know! What else can I fucking do? I can’t bail on a damn child. At this point, none of my decisions ever fucking work so why bother? I get my phone out and start typing a quick text when suddenly the door slams open.

Levi walks out and I take a few steps back, worried about the determination he has in his eyes.

“What do you want?” He asks.  
“I want to apologize.”  
“Bullshit.” He scoffs. “You want to appease your conscience because you’re about to be a fucking idiot again.”  
“Mikasa’s pregnant.” I blurt out.”  
“So?” Levi says with no hint of surprise.  
“Well… I’ve discussed with my parents…”  
“Of course you did.” Levi interjects before pressing his palm on his forehead.  
“I’m getting married on Saturday. My mom…she made me realize that the child is what matters most.” I sigh, unable to look him in the eyes. “I don’t want this life, but I have to take responsibility for my actions. You know you’re the one I want, but they won’t let me…”  
“For the child? Won't let you??” He shouts, folding his arms. “For the fucking child? Do you hear what’s coming out of your mouth Jaeger? Do you hear yourself? DO you hear how ridiculous this is?”  
“Stop acting as if this is easy for me! You think I want to raise a fucking child? You think I want to marry a girl I hate because I know I can't afford to raise the fucking kid on my own? I just wanted you to know that I have no other choice and that I forgive you for lying about your name.”  
“Forgive me?” He laughs. “You got some nerve telling me this.”

We stare at each other for a moment until Levi shakes his head and walks back inside without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N)I’m not going to apologize this time because I figure it’s not something I should be doing. I know you guys are sad of how this is turning but like I said, you have to trust me on this. I know that those who have read my previous fics know that I will not disappoint. Bear with me. <3
> 
> Comments will always be read/replied to/much appreciated
> 
> What do you think will happen? ( i will not answer your theories in case some of it is true )


	15. Game Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Hey everyone. Let me just apologize for the last time. I’ve been in a shit mood and I didn’t want to take it out on people but seems I did. Sorry about that. Sorry also for not updating but like I said I was pretty much fed up with everything and anything and to top all that, my laptop fucked about 2 weeks ago (I have it back now)…and my godfather passed away last week and this week I learned my dad’s cancer is starting to go downhill. SOOOO It’s a pretty shitty past month tbh?? We’re almost at the end of Repressed and unless something bad happens I should be updating in two weeks or even before if I feel as inspired as I am now but no promises that I can’t keep. I will never discontinue a fic so don’t even be scared for that. I hope you guys are doing alright. I will slowly reply to all the comments that I haven’t replied to. I’m sorry for leaving you hanging.
> 
> Mood songs:  
> Lord Huron – The night we met  
> Snow Patrol – Open your eyes

**LEVI POV**

The unbearable noise of a shitty coffee grinder is what wakes me up. The room is dark and cozy, aside from the powerful smell of febreeze. I blink a few times and stretch before realizing I’m at Hanji’s place. On her disgusting bed.

I quickly get up and swipe the imaginary dust off me. I then proceed to walk towards the screeching machine noises.

“Oi!” I shout.

She raises her head, seeing almost nothing through her pile of loose hair. She blows on a strand and then smiles at me.

“You’re going to have to stop drinking so much.” She says. “You look terrible.”  
“You could’ve just dropped me home. You didn’t have to make me sleep in your less than clean bed sheets.”  
“And leave you alone while you were crying your eyeballs out?” She scoffs. “No way.”  
“Bullshit!”  
“I shit you not.” She says, sliding her phone towards me on the counter.

She recorded it. That bitch.

“I don’t want to know.” I say, flipping the screen down.  
“Well, it was interesting.” She smirks. “I learned a few things.”  
“Nothing I say can…”  
“Will you shut it?” She laughs. “I’m trying to tell you that your subconscious mind is not only very endearing but also quite brilliant.”  
“What do you mean?” I ask, suddenly curious.  
“Well you talked about Eren and how much you love him and you cursed the child and his father and on and on… but the interesting bit was when you said that he didn’t even ask for a paternity test. Therefore neither of you are sure that it is his child.”  
“He’s naïve. He always was and always will be.” I sigh. “You saw him, he has this permanent begging face. He needs help to accomplish the smallest daily task. How could he have thought of asking for more proofs?”  
“You’re a bit hard on him.” Hanji mumbles.  
“Am I not supposed to be?” I snort. “He hurt me. He hurt me there.”

I point lazily at my chest and then pull myself a chair. She brings both cups with her and two Tylenols for me.

“We’ll go get you breakfast. You need to eat something.”  
“I’m not hungry.”  
“You can’t starve, Levi. I know that all you need is Eren right now, but please make an effort to at least keep yourself healthy.”  
“What for?” I scoff. “I’m just tired.”  
“Don’t talk like that.”  
“I hate him.”  
“No you don’t.”  
“It’ll be easier if I do.”

She stares at me, her eyes filled with concern and I want to tell her that I’ll be alright, but I just can’t lie. Not even to myself. I can’t deny the fact is that I am so angry, yet all I want is to scream at him until he finally gets it. Until he comes back to me. He’s mine. That’s all he should’ve been. I’m angry at myself for letting him in in first place and believing that he wanted this half as much as I wanted it.

“Stop thinking.” Hanji orders. “Shove those pills down your throat and we’re going to get you some kickass fresh croissants.”

***

**EREN POV**

I put my cup down as Armin finally sits in front of me.

“Took you long enough.” I say with a weak smile.  
“Well I’m on call this week to make up for your wedding, so you can shove my imaginary apology wherever you want it.”  
“I’m just kidding, calm down.”

Armin orders an espresso and a huge piece of pie. Clearly he hasn’t been sleeping much. We discuss some of the plans for the wedding and it all feels fake and unnecessary. When my second coffee arrives along with Armin’s order, he starts off by taking a huge bite of the crust.

“Who eats the crust first? Damn…who eats the crust at all?” I snort.  
“Not all of us are still twelve.” Armin smirks. “Besides, I keep what’s best for last.”  
“Mhm.”

He takes another bite and starts to chew slowly. He then briefly wipes his mouth on his sleeve.

“What’s really on your mind?” He asks.

I raise a knowing gaze at him.

“Did you try talking to him?” Armin asks.  
“I tried…but I already told you the result.” I say.  
“I know.” He sighs. “I just can’t believe you’re going to do this.”  
“What other choice do I have?”  
“Well…aborption? Adoption? Full custody for her, or every two weeks for you both? I don’t know, it just seems… unreal.”  
“I know. But I don’t want to fuck up this child because I was too selfish to be there.”  
“Eren, stop for a second. Did you think of me for one second? Was my life that disastrous? Am I such a worthless human being? I survived…and so will he or she.”

I stare at him blankly. He seems annoyed and on the verge of breaking down and I’m sorry for not realizing how my trash talk made him feel before now. I nod with an apologetic smile that weakens as my thoughts take over again.

“But my dad…” I trail off.  
“But your dad is just your dad. You are major.”  
“You know what he can do to mom.” I add with a sad look.  
“I know, but then the only way would be to file a complaint.”  
“You want me to send him to jail?”

My eyes widen as I consider the idea. I’ve been wanting to do that before, but I have no proof of what he did. Plus, I know mom would never forgive me. She keeps telling me that’s how they are and that I shouldn’t be too worried about it. That they still love each other. Love… what a fucking joke.

“He deserves it?” Armin says sternly.  
“Perhaps.” I shrug. “I can’t believe I’m getting married the day after tomorrow.”  
“It’s still not an obligation.”

I glare at him, feeling anger rise in me.

“YES IT IS! YES IT FUCKING IS.”  
“Calm down, Eren. Or else I’m leaving you alone.” Armin murmurs as a couple of heads turn around.  
“I’m sorry, but it’s true. Either way, nothing will be right. I can’t do anything that’ll be considered okay by everyone. So what would you do? Of course you’d chose to go with the most innocent choice there is to choose, the only choice who won’t care what you did or did not do. The one that will love you unconditionally because he owes you his life. The one who clearly doesn’t care what and who you are. The child who will call me dad.”

He takes a moment before moving again and just stares at me. I guess he understands a bit better now.

“I guess I see your point. Then again, I think you haven’t looked into this enough yet. Shouldn’t you postpone the wedding? And…I also see that you might end up being a very good father but a very miserable and sad human being. What will become of your goals and dreams? How about love? Will you ever be able to love someone the way you loved him?”  
“STOP. That’s enough.” I shout.

I know, I know he’s right, but I can’t bear to hold the weight of people hating me anymore. I cannot disappoint people any further than I already have… If they have to hate me, they should all hate me and that leaves only the option of giving my life to this unborn child to make sure he grows up to be loved and encouraged the way he deserves. The way I never was.

Armin’s eyes widen and I smile, thinking he finally got it and will just shut up about it.

“Don’t turn around.” He warns.

So of course I immediately do.

“Shit.” I say, turning my back to the door as soon as I see the familiar raven hair. “Why’s he here?”  
“He’s with Hanji.” Armin adds.  
“Fuck. We have to leave.”

I glance at their table and unfortunately, meet Levi’s gaze. A deep frown appears on his face and he immediately gets up, Hanji trailing behind him.

“Fuck.” I turn to Armin, desperately. “Help!”

He shrugs, not knowing what he could do.  
Levi slaps his palms on our table, making us both jump in surprise.

“Well well well, famous Mr. Jaeger in a little coffee shop. Aren’t we lucky to be blessed with your face today.” Levi says with a piercing glare.

Some nearby customers turn their heads in hopes of seeing someone important. Levi’s harsh words sting and I don’t reply.

“He lost his tongue.” Levi adds. “It’s probably shoved up his dad’s ass.”

My face burns as the anger bursts inside of me. I get up roughly and throw my chair far back.

“The fuck did you say?” I ask, making sure he is aware of our height difference, the one thing he hates.

Armin gets up, ready to separate us as I tower over Levi. Hanji stays on the side, watching the whole scene without a single expression on her face.

“You heard right, brat.” He smirks.

I let go of a sarcastic laugh. I didn’t mean for it to come out, but I’m pretty sure I’ve reached the breaking point as far as explaining is concerned.

“You don’t get it do you?” I ask. “It’s not about you being an Ackerman, about my dad or anything like that. It has become way bigger than us. If there was ever an us to begin with. You make me think there has never been one with your fucking attitude right now.”  
“Yes, I know… It’s all about the child.” He snorts. “The child that’s not yours and that you didn’t even bother to ask for a paternity test. Or did you? I’m pretty sure you didn’t. You’re a lost puppy and without your dad guiding you, you can’t stand tall and move on your own path.”  
“I can show you how fucking tall I can be.” I add, clenching my fists.  
“Wow, threats, that’s new. I’m liking this new you.”  
“Well I do not like the new you at all.” I say. “In fact I despise the new you.”  
“Then tell me, how do you know she’s really pregnant and that the child really is yours?” He smiles with hatred in his eyes.  
“She did a test!” I say. “I saw it.”  
“You saw her do it?”  
“What??” I ask.  
“You are one dense motherfucker.”  
“Then, fucking explain correctly.”  
“You were with her?” He asks. “As in the same room?”  
“Are you implying I should’ve been watching her pee?” I scoff.  
“Well yeah, dumbass. You know she lied before, how can you know she’s telling the truth?”

\--  
 **LEVI POV**

Eren sighs and looks at Armin. Armin only shrugs as a response. He clearly doesn’t want to interfere. Although a few seconds later, his gaze glides to meet mine. I frown and he just keeps staring. 

“I think I’m done arguing with this.” Eren says, catching my attention again.  
“You’re a coward, you’re willing to set your life apart without even fighting. I found about 20 different solutions or ideas that you probably haven’t even considered before I mentioned them. That’s how little I fucking meant to you. So little that you didn’t believe in me. You didn’t trust me and you ran away like I meant nothing. You didn’t even try. Not even once.”  
“Excuse me? I fucking fought! Okay? I fought and I even fought harder than I ever did for you. But the fact is that she is pregnant and that for now this is all that matters. I refuse to abandon my child. You of all people should know how that feels.”

This hits deep, but not as deep as Hanji’s punch on Eren’s jaw. Blood bursts out of his mouth and I see his lip is swollen. I’m almost tempted to touch it but I don’t when I see him lunging towards Hanji. Armin stops him.

“EREN! Don’t hit a girl!”  
“I’M SO DONE WITH PEOPLE TELLING ME WHO AND HOW TO BE! I’LL PUNCH WHOEVER THE FUCK I WANT!” Eren screams.

Hanji laughs, sending Eren on an even darker path. His frown deepens as if he was possessed by some sort of fury. Armin let’s go of him as all the other customers stare blankly at the scene. Eren takes a step forward and Hanji’s about to do the same. But this has got to end.  
I slide between the two, feeling Eren’s chest touch mine with each heavy breath he takes. He slowly blinks and then looks down at me. Our gazes meet and I don’t think. It’s not wise, it’s not the right thing to do, but I do it.  
I get on the tip of my toes and press my lips hard against his. I grab his shirt and pull him close as tears fall down my cheeks. I open my eyes to meet his beautiful green gaze that starts to fill with tears and confusion, but most of all, sadness.

A few seconds later, I step back, ignoring everyone’s judging glares.

“Goodbye, Eren.” I murmur.

I close my eyes and turn my back to him as I walk towards the exit.

“LEVI!” Eren calls out.

I raise a hand and wave, not looking back as I do. Game over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Please don’t be mad. Two chapters left and one epilogue. I promise the next one Eren will open his eyes. You will see. In the meantime, don’t give up on hope.
> 
> Comments will be read/replied to/and much appreciated ^_^


	16. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) HI! Sorry for the delay, I suck at due dates and I tend to fail. But I made up by writing all the chapters that were left. I'll post em all tonight.
> 
> Mood songs:  
> Seafret - Atlantis  
> Dawn Golden - All I want

**EREN POV**

About an hour later, I still had no clue what to do. Armin had said that I should go after him, yet a part of me knew that this was Levi’s way of telling me to stop hurting him. That it would be selfish of me to keep pursuing him, while I knew it was only for a few more hours. The thought was and still is depressing.   
It’s nearly noon when I get out of the coffee shop, not because I want to, but because Armin got a call for an emergency at work. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Armin asks before getting into his car.   
“Sure.” I sigh. “I’m just gonna keep walking around for a while, enjoy my freedom a little longer and all.”   
“Eren…” Armin says with disappointment in his tone. “No one is forcing…”   
“I know.” I cut him off. “I know.” 

I wave at him and plaster a fake smile on my face before closing the car door on him and turning away. 

*** 

“So Mikasa is gone to her bridal shower?” 

I hum in response, not really caring about the excitement in his voice. I can almost see his smile through the phone. I guess people are hyped for tomorrow, even the ones who know that I’m hating myself for doing this. 

“What about you?” Armin asks.   
“I’m just going to stay home and watch TV.”   
“Or you could go say your goodbye as well.” He suggests. 

I snort. 

“He already said goodbye.”   
“But have you?” Armin insists. 

I sigh heavily, grabbing my forehead as I lean forward, pushing back the tears inside. 

“Of course not. Not like I wish I had, at least.”   
“Then maybe you should write him something? Or go to his place and if he’s not there you can always leave him something.” 

The scenario isn't anywhere near positive in my head, but Armin is right, I do feel the need to talk with him. To say my goodbye properly, the way I need it to be, to get the closure we both need.

“I guess I could.” I say.   
“That’s fantastic!” Armin immediately squeaks. 

I frown, a bit confused. 

“Why the fuck are you so excited all of a sudden?” I ask.   
“N-no. I mean… I just… I hope he’s there and you two can talk.”   
“Sure…” I hiss.   
“I gotta go, I have another patient coming in. See you tomorrow Eren, but if not, you know that’s totally fine as well.” 

He squeaks again, realizing what he said. 

“I mean…stay with him. Not kill yourself.” 

I chuckle and hang up right after. As if… 

*** 

**LEVI POV**

I make the lonely ice cube twirl inside my glass of whiskey. Isn't it some kind of déjà vu? I've been screwed so many times, I forgot to count. This time though, it doesn't bring me as much anger as it should, it's mostly pain. A hole in my chest, that keeps growing and that'll eventually swallow my entire soul. I smirk, unable to deal with any other sort of emotion anymore. 

“This is perfect” I mutter as I pour more alcohol in my glass. 

I raise the glass to my lips and as the strong liquid burns my throat, I hear a faint knock. I pause and set the glass down, waiting. 

*Knock knock* 

I silently tip toe to the door. Or at least I try. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit tipsy. I do manage to reach it without a sound though. Thank god, because when I look into the fisheye, it's Eren whom I see on the other side. WHY? Why the fuck is he here? 

He knocks again, and I take a few steps back, startled. Maybe...what if? No...surely not. I almost laugh at the amount of hope that still manages to invade my brain like an insidious bitch. 

“Fine.” Eren mutters. 

I step near the door again to take a peek. He's gone. I let out another sigh but jump when Eren's voice echoes again in the hall. 

“You know” He starts as he loudly leans back against the door to probably sit down. “I never even thought I wasn’t happy before I met you.” 

He sighs. 

“I thought that’s how things were. People grew up, got jobs that they hated to get food on the table for a wife they made sure their parents liked. Or in my case… they chose for me, but I’m the idiot who figured it could be worse.” 

He laughs and I clench my fists, wondering if I should send him away, but my curiosity wins and I sit back silently against the door too. 

“I never really knew what standing up was.” He continues. “I mean, I never had to know because everything was planned ahead for me. I never had to worry about anything and never really got the chance to explore who I was and what I liked.” 

Silence fills the room and I suddenly worry he has left and that was all he had to say. I’m about to curse when a thud resonates down my back. Resting his head on the door I imagine. 

“But that night, which was meant to be a prank, turned my life around. I started seeing colors where there weren’t any before. I started wanting more from life. And it took me time to realize that I was allowed to choose. I was allowed to want this, to want you.” 

I hear a tiny sniff on the other side. Is he crying? Fuck. My eyes water as I grip my knees to bring them closer to my chest. 

“But of course, something had to happen, keeping me from being able to be with you. I want you to understand that if it wasn’t for the child, I wouldn’t be doing this. I wouldn’t be abandoning the best thing that’s ever happened to me if I didn’t feel responsible to protect and provide for this human being that I dared to bring into this shitty family. Sometimes I wish…” 

He sighs. 

“Sometimes I wish bad things regarding Mikasa. I wish she would disappear, or that the child would let go of this life. I-I’m a monster” He says with a loud cry. 

I quickly turn around, about to open the door as my heart cracks in half, but I pause, as Eren continues. 

“I know you regret meeting me and I know I only brought you trouble and sadness. I’ve disappointed you and failed your trust. I am aware of the mistake I have been and even if you are apparently not there and will probably never hear those words, I want to tell you how grateful and thankful I am that I met you. I may not be happy or looking forward to what’s coming, but I will cherish the little moments of happiness I’ve had with you. It was too short and I truly wish you would be the one walking towards me tomorrow. If only…” 

Tears flow down my cheeks as I restrain my hand from opening the door. God do I want to jump into his arms right now. That’s all I want but I know it will only make it more difficult tomorrow for us to separate. It’s better this way. I hear him blowing his nose and I wipe my eyes on my sleeve as I try not to make a sound. 

“I just want you to know that I love you and I always will. I’ll think of you every day for the rest of my life and thank you for showing me the way to myself. Thank you for showing me that I wasn’t only a pawn in this world, I have always been a prince and I only needed a king to show me how much control I had over what my kingdom could be. I’m afraid this is goodbye. I expected you to be gone partying or trying to forget about the mess I made, so I wrote you a little poem in French. I hope to meet you again someday, someplace or whatever the odds are, I hope we can find each other again. Goodbye Levi.” 

I quickly get up, panicking. I’m about to open the door when a little envelope slides under the door. I bend down to pick it up and I hear footsteps walking away. It’s over. He’s walking away forever. I should stop him, I should do something, but I’m frozen in place. I look back at the envelope and try to keep my tears from staining the beautiful beige paper. I then numbingly walk back to my couch and kneel towards the cushion where Eren used to lie on. His scent is still pretty distinctive on there. I hide my face in it for a moment and close my eyes as I fall on my stomach ungracefully. I breathe in and out slowly, trying to remember the fragrance of the man I love. Trying to make it stay engraved in my brain forever. 

A moment later I look up, still lying on my stomach, and decide to rip open the tiny envelope. Eren doesn’t speak French. I never said anything but one or two words to him so the fact that he wrote me something in French is pretty amazing, or else I’ll end up laughing. Knowing him it’s a possibility. I gently slide my fingers along the lines of the atrocious writing before I start to read. 

Un espoir, (A hope,)  
A travers le brouillard, (Through the fog.)  
Une lumière (A light,)  
Qui fût éphémère (That was fleeting.)  
Une vie nouvelle, (A new life,)  
Qui semblait si réelle. (That seemed so real.)  
Abandon du rêve, (Abandoning the dream,)  
Pour une intouchable trève. (For an untouchable truce.)  
Tristesse et désarroi (Sadness and distress.)  
Je serai toujours seul sans toi. (I will always be alone without you)  
Je t'ai aimer, (I loved you)  
Je t'aime, (I love you)  
Je t'aimerai. (I will love you)  
Je rêverai de tes yeux, (I will dream of your eyes,)  
Et du temps ou j'étais heureux. (and the time where I was happy.)  
Le futur nous fut dérobé, (The future was taken from us,)  
Mais je saurai un jours te ré-enchanté. (But I shall re-enchant you one day)  
Je te le promet. (I promise you.) 

***

I don’t know how long I slept. Probably not much. It’s not like I was in any sort of deep recovering sleep either. Still, the annoying ringtone of my phone managed to annoy me just enough to get up. Unfortunately, it stopped ringing almost at the same time and I figure that someone calling me in the middle of the night could surely wait a few more hours. Or maybe a few more days, as I don’t feel like ever moving from my couch again. I search for the little black device but can’t seem to find it now that it no longer pierces the silence with its annoying little song. I end up sighing loudly as I try to decide if I’m in the mood to fall back asleep or to go take a shower. My brain starts emitting enough energy to send me some vivid images of Eren waiting for Mikasa down the isle. I clench my jaw and start walking towards the bathroom. Fuck this crap. Fuck everything about this. I undress myself and start the shower, bringing it close to a burning level before I step in. It seizes my body. It’s too hot. But then again, at this point I couldn’t care about any feelings so long as they distract me from the stupid pain in my chest.   
After a little while, I start getting dizzy and the glasses of the shower door make sure to keep the heat inside. I can barely see in front of me as I reach for the wall. I slide ungracefully to the floor, realizing that I almost just passed out. Funny how I’m not even panicked about almost hitting my head. Guess I’m broken and reckless now. Why do I bother? I was fine before he came along.   
I sit back and let the water fall on my hair, hoping the loud sound inside my head might keep the thoughts away. Nothing works though, no tricks, no tips, no miracle will make me okay. I feel something on my cheeks. More tears? Maybe. My eyes burn, but maybe it’s the water. My throat tightens the more I want to let out a scream. But what for? For letting myself fall in love, surely. For letting myself desire someone more than my very own desire to live.   
A new thought crosses my mind, but I toss it aside. I’m stronger than this. Maybe I truly am not, but I at least am deciding right now that I am. Not that anyone would care, but I know at least Hanji would come meet me just to be sure to kick my ass back to life. Guess I should call her. Not today.   
I’m confused as to what I currently want. Sleep for days, leave the country, get myself a quick rebound fuck buddy, kill a family member… Nah… Sleeping actually sounds great.   
I get up slowly, not even bothering to slick my hair back as I grab a towel. Then, a loud stupid melody erupts from the living room again. 

“Shit” I squeak as I lunge out the bathroom door, sliding clumsily on the tiles. 

I ravage the living room, raising every cushions, every piece of clothing, every carpet to try and find my damn phone. It’s when I pause to catch my breath that I realize it’s coming from under the couch. I grab it and press the button quickly. The music stops and I missed the call. I swipe my finger on the screen and see 4 missed calls from Armin Arlert. What the fuck? 

My phone dings and a text message appears: 

Armin Arlert: “God dammit, call me back, it’s urgent!” 

Urgent? My expression falls apart as I realize something could’ve happened to Eren. I nervously press the little phone beside Armin’s name and wait. He picks up almost immediately and the remains of my heart beats faster by the minute. I can feel an even bigger hole grow at the thought of Eren being hurt. 

“Levi!”   
“What do you want?” I ask sternly.   
“You have to stop this wedding! Mikasa’s not pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Comments will be read/replied to/much appreciated ^^
> 
> Oh oh...what have I done? ^^ I could be an evil person and leave you hanging but I wrote the next one too so I'll post it somewhere in the next half hour ^^ Enjoy!


	17. Something worth fighting for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) So...this is it...Last chapter. I'll keep my goodbyes for the epilogue.
> 
> Mood songs:  
> Josh Auer - Something worth fighting for  
> also if you're interested, this one suits the chapter well too:  
> Eric Arjes - Find my way back

**EREN POV**

As the alarm clock pierces the dark morning peace, I turn around on my bed, rolling myself up in the sheets. I blink my eyes open and stare at the wall while a huge realization hits me. That’s it. It’s today. I nestle my face back into my pillow when a knock resonates on the door. I ignore it, but apparently it’s someone persistent.

“Come in.” I sigh. 

My bedroom door opens on my mom and dad. My mother seems overjoyed and excited, but I can see the worry in her eyes. She knows this isn’t exactly what I had pictured when I thought about the rest of my life. My father, on the other hand, is standing beside the door, a tux in hand. I turn my head back to the wall and mumble: 

“A few more minutes.” 

Mom chuckles and pats my back. 

“It’s time, dear.” She adds.   
“Hello?” Someone’s voice calls from the living room.   
“We’re here, Armin.” My dad replies. 

I turn my head and see my friend walk in. He has this huge grin plastered on his face and clenches his phone in his hand. 

“You should be the heavy sleeper.” I point out. “You’re the one who works fucked up shifts, so how are you so awake right now?”   
“There’s nothing a redbull can’t cure.” He laughs.   
“I’m sure that being a doctor forbids you from ever saying such a thing.” I scoff. 

Mom gets back up, leaving my bare back cold again. She briefly hugs Armin and walks back to the living room with my dad. Armin walks up to the bed and sits at the end of it. 

“So… you’re ready?” He asks.   
“Course not.” I say, as I sit up straight and stretch.   
“You can start by putting on a shirt.” He says.  
“I could.” 

I get up and walk lazily to my drawer, putting on a white t-shirt that I’ll most probably end up wearing under my dress shirt. 

“Better?” I ask as I turn around, totally forgetting that I’m only wearing boxers.   
“Pants would add a neat touch.” Armin giggles.   
“Pffft.” 

My dad left the suit by the door and I slowly pull out the pair of pants. 

“Aren’t you going to shower?” Armin asks.   
“I showered last night.”   
“O-okay. What about your hair then?”   
“My hair is perfectly fine. She loved me like that and she better fucking keep doing so, cause there is no way I’m changing my hair.”   
“Wow.” Armin says. “Calm down, I only meant to put some styling cream in or something.”   
“Sorry.” I mutter. “Please excuse me in advance for all the snapping that might occur today.”   
“Sure.” He smiles and then his expression changes to a curious one.   
“What?” I ask. 

He hesitates for a second but then leans closer. 

“What if you woke up and didn’t have to do all this?”   
“Armin, stop…” I sigh. “I’m done hurting myself over this. I will move on.”   
“I mean that there is…”   
“ARMIN STOP!” I snap. 

He sits up straight and walks back to the door. He turns to look at me. 

“I was only trying to help.” He adds as he pulls his phone out. 

He starts typing frantically and I can’t help but wonder who the fuck he had to text right the hell now. Perhaps he’s faking a distraction to avoid speaking of it again. That’s fine with me. 

“Where’s Kirstein? Wasn’t he supposed to come with you?” I ask.   
“Nah, he said he’ll meet us there.” Armin says, not even looking up from his buzzing phone.   
“He better be there, you’re my best man but he also needs to show the fuck up even if he doesn’t hold the damn ring.” 

Armin hums and I glare at him. 

“I also hope you won’t be using this shit during the ceremony.” 

His gaze shoots up to meet mine. He then fumbles in his pocket to make more space for the little device. He raises his hands in defeat. 

“All done now.” He smiles. “Now let’s get you ready.”   
“Yeah…” 

*** 

Is it possible to fuck up this badly. Sometimes I wonder if Kirstein actually does everything to make my life a living hell. But then I remember the situation I am in and the fact that Mikasa basically forced me into this wedding. I just need the damn rings here so I can stop stressing. I’m about to punch Armin and his shitty smile. 

“Can you at least pretend that you support my anger right now?” I ask as I attempt to tie my fucking tie again. 

Armin walks up to me and chuckles as he takes the two ends of the cloth away from my clumsy hands to tie the knot himself.

“Everything will be fine. I’m sorry, I can’t help but laugh at Jean’s bad habits.”   
“For all I care, he could not show up at all…” I sigh. “Damn…I gotta stop thinking this way. I’m going to be a dad.” 

Armin’s eyes shoot up at me and all traces of a smile disappears from his face. 

“You want to be?” He asks.   
“Of course not…I’m not ready, but I will be a father and that’s something I can’t change.” 

He lets out a breath. Relief? Howcome? 

“Let’s not get into this again.” Armin adds. 

I nod and wait for someone to finally come get me so I can walk down this damn isle. It’s two minutes later that Jean bursts in with his tie all fucked and his suit all crinkled. Armin explodes in laughter and Jean smirks as he wipes something off his mouth. What a moron… I can’t help but chuckle at the sight.   
Unfortunately he doesn’t even have time to speak that a small lady walks in. 

“It’s time.” She says. 

I glance at Armin, who nods back with an understanding look. I take a deep breath and walk out of the tiny room. Armin starts walking down the isle, followed by Jean who managed to fix himself up and then I take a step forward. 

All eyes are on me and I can’t help but look up at the amazing architecture of the church. The art painted on top and the light going through the glass that portrays ancient figures. Everything is accentuated with gold and silver and during a brief instant, I forget where I am and what I’m about to do. It doesn’t last long though, as my father slaps my arm when I pass beside him. He mouths “focus” and I nod with an apologizing look. I guess this is how giving up feels; climbing the tiny set of stairs, turning around to stare at a crowd you never imagined would be so huge and who slowly turns around as the nuptial march starts playing loudly. My heart beats faster than ever, but it’s not due to the overwhelming happiness, it’s due to my survival instinct kicking in. I should not be here. I start getting dizzy and my hands shake. That’s when Mikasa immerges from the door. I blink a few times, realizing I haven’t even noticed the bridesmaids walking in before her. I look back at the simple lacy white dress in front of me. It’s detailed and beautiful and truly something that Mikasa would have picked. I smile a bit, forgetting what this is about and going back to the days when we were friends and used to have fun. She smiles back at me and that’s when my smile disappears. She knows I don’t want this, yet she smiles and appreciates the fact that she tricked me into this marriage, knowing I could never run away from having a child. 

I absent mindedly grab her hand and shake her father’s. She climbs the stairs and stands, facing me, and holding my hands. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one with cold shaky hands. She glances at me and then back at the priest. He starts talking but my eyes are locked on Mikasa’s smile, my own face entirely numb and emotionless. I can’t hear a thing. Not a thing. Until finally he taps my shoulder. I blink a few time and Mikasa looks at me expectantly. Shit. Is this already happening? 

“So, Eren, shall I repeat or did you hear the first time?” He asks. 

The crowd chuckles and I smile at them before turning my head back to her. My smile fades as I try to force the words on my tongue. I have to. I HAVE TO. 

“I…” 

The door bangs in the back of the room and both of us jump in surprise. I look back at Mikasa, about to finally get over it. 

“I…” I continue, but a voice echoes loudly, angrily and menacingly in the room.. 

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SAY THOSE WORDS!” 

My head wips towards the voice and it takes me a few seconds to see him. He’s dressed entirely in black. Black shirt, black pants, black suit jacket, black tie, black shoes… Everything of him appears to be mourning what’s about to happen. His breathing is short and he looks like he's been running for a while. His eyes shine under the light coming from the ceiling and I catch a glimpse of his glare. It’s menacing, daring, entricing. 

“Levi?” I blurt out. 

He keeps on walking down the isle. Mikasa let’s go of my hands and turns to him, her jaw dropping. My dad gets up, ready to go fight the man out of here, but Erwin appears out of nowhere and mumbles something that convinces my dad to stay put. Erwin can be quite convincing, with the shape he has. 

A hand taps my shoulder and Armin smiles at me. I frown and he doesn’t explain, he just nods towards Levi. But like an idiot, I stand there dumbfounded. Mikasa suddenly grabs my wrist and digs her nails into it. A second hand pulls on my arm and I turn back to see Hanji pushing Mikasa away from me. She too, has a wide grin on her face. 

My dad gestures at one of my uncles and he nods. Then he gets up, accompanied by some relative of Mikasa and her father. They grab Levi and pull him back towards the door. Levi's face turns red and his teeth clench in a distorted smile. 

''EREN!'' He screams as he punches and kicks until finally one of them let's go. ''Let me go you asshole, I won't let you ruin his life like you ruined mine!''

Mikasa's father seems about ready to fight. I'd say that knowing Levi, this isn't a good idea. That's when the words come out of my mouth on their own. 

''LET HIM GO!'' 

The room falls silent and all the heads turn to me. Then Levi, stands up straighter as they let go of him. He fixes his suit and walks towards me as disapproving voices fill the room again. Mikasa's whining loudly somewhere behind, but I couldn't care less at the moment. 

A burst of anger rises in me as the small figure climbs the set of stairs to stand in front of me. His raven hair are neat and impeccable. This was planned. This was all fucking planned. Humiliation is the only word coming to my mind and I let the anger rise inside of me. 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” I shout, shutting down all the murmurs at once. 

I glance around and then send a look at Levi. 

“She’s not pregnant.” Levi says. 

I take a step back, biting my tongue as surprise hits me like a brick. 

“Bullshit.” I say.   
“He’s telling the truth.” Another voice adds. 

I turn around and Armin is here, holding out a pile of papers. 

“She has been keeping her cousin Ricoh’s urine in the fridge for several days in a row. She could easily restock each time she needed. She had a few vials, dated too, to be sure the pregnancy hormone stayed active. So when you asked for a test, she only needed this as proof.” 

My jaw hanging, Armin decided that it was a sign to continue. 

“When I insisted for you to go see Levi, it was with not so good intentions. I had to be sure, so I sneaked into your apartment. I found the little vials and brought them in at work with me. I got them analyzed by someone in the lab. It turns out it was not only not hers, but it was someone who was advanced in the pregnancy cycle. So of course, I asked around to know who was pregnant in her entourage. I then contacted Ricoh’s doctor and we spoke for over an hour. I’m afraid you won’t be a father, Eren. You’ve been manipulated, again.” 

I blink, my eyes filling with tears. At this point I'm not even sure if it's happy tears, sad tears or whatever else they could be. I have no idea how to react. I feel relieved for some reason but there's no way it can be that easy. I'm standing in the middle of a church, realizing that my entire life is taking a whole other turn and I'm not sure what to do or how to react. I have one question though, and I decide to ask Armin. 

“W-What about him?” I ask, ignoring Levi.   
“I told him right away. We decided that it would be good to tell you, but that we’d have to see if you were willing to listen before you were standing up here. Turns out you weren’t. We had to go with plan B, which was Levi’s idea, since…it’s also about his family.” 

I turn back to look at Levi, daring him to confirm all this. He nods, anger clearly showing on his face. I then look back at Mikasa and when her gaze meets mine, she immediately starts fidgeting as her mouth twists in a painful and guilty smile.   
I walk up to her, brushing my shoulder against Levi's to show him that I'm not happy about how the whole thing went. This isn't a fucking movie where he can just steal me away. Does anybody even understand how I feel at the moment? I've been betrayed, lied to and once again I appear to be holding the reigns of my life. She's sitting, Hanji holding her arm so she can't get away. 

“I knew you were crazy, but that's a whole other level.” I say. 

I brush my palms on my cheeks as I try to come up with something else I wanna say. I should be yelling. 

“You deserve so much hate for this. You deserve so much worse than what you did to me. Yet, all I can think about, is how nice it feels that it has finally been proven to my family and yours how fucking insane you are.” I sigh. “And...if you were willing to use this as an excuse, I strongly hope you never procreate, ever. Using a child for some stupid excuse of a dark and evil plan. I can't believe you even exist. You should just rot in hell, Mikasa.”

I turn around, ignoring her pleading words and face the crowd. Levi stands beside me but I don't look or talk to him. 

“Dad, I hope you understand now, when I tell you that you never wanted what was good for me, but wanted what was good for you. Seems that payed off, didn't it?”

I smirk. 

“Mom, please dump this asshole? I know you're strong, you'll survive without him.” 

I then turn to Armin, who looks terrified all of a sudden. As if I was going to scold him.

“Armin, Thanks. Thanks for getting me out of this when I had lost all hope. Also thanks to you and Jean for that bachelor party, it was the best day of my life, by far. I'm only sad that today is such a mess because of it. I should've been stronger. I should've stood my ground.”

Armin smiles and I serve him a cold and tired smile. I'm running off steam. 

“Ackermans!” I shout as I turn towards the people sitting. “You are one hell of a family. I thought mine sucked, but I see yours is even worse. Does it make you happy to be part of high society, knowing you stole your priveleges to a fucking teenager back then? A teenager who had lost his family? I was already baffled by this, but knowing that I almost married one of you assholes, no offense Levi, makes me puke. Your legacy is based on a lie. One day, you'll pay for it. One day, you'll get some lawyers on your ass and you won't be able to get away from what you've all done. Especially you, Mr. Ackerman. Your daughter learned well.”

I start clapping sarcastically and then turn to Jean. His face falls apart, worried. 

“Why are you always so fucking late?” I laugh. 

I see relief appear along with a smirk. He laughs and shrugs. 

Then...I turn to Levi. He's wearing his impassive face, but I see the worry in his eyes. He obviously didn't expect something like this, especially not coming from me. 

“And you...” I sigh. “Why is it so hard to be with you? Isn't it a sign that we shouldn't be doing this? How can I fight against my heart, against what I want? Can it be that easy or will it all fall apart again?”

I look down at the floor, trying to find words, trying to find what to do, realizing all I've just said. 

“Even if it's not easy, I'll fight for you, always.” Levi says. “You're the only thing worth fighting for.”

My gaze shoots up to meet his. 

“Until death tear us apart?” I ask. 

He smirks and Armin chuckles behind me. 

“Even death won't tear us apart.” He adds.   
“Fuck.” I gasp, gripping my chest. ''I love you so much.'' 

His cheeks turn a light shade of pink and it makes my heart skip a beat. I'm mad, but we'll have all the time in the world to argue on anything and everything. The perspective makes me beyond happy, truly happy. 

“Only half as much as I do.” He says with a growing smile. “Come on brat, my pole misses me and Hanji says I have an ex bachelor to impress.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments will be read/replied to/much appreciated ^^
> 
> See you one last time for the epilogue!


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) WELL!!!! This was one hell of a ride, wasn't it? I'm sorry about taking so long in between chapter. I have started this fic right when I was in depression, which wasn't the best idea as I kept losing motivation. It was also pretty draining to write with all the drama and somehow the plot changed a few times making it even harder on me each time. I'm too invested lol...I need a break from long fics so I'll be working on some one shots I have in mind especially a klance and viktuuri ones if I can manage to find motivation and mostly time lol.......ANYHOW, back to our babes. I hope this epilogue makes up for all the shit. It's not as long as it could've been but I decided that simple was best. To everyone who subscribed, thank you so much. To everyone who left kudos, THANKS SO MUCH. And to everyone who'd be interested in my other ereri work, I strongly suggest Extra Pepperoni because it's my precious child and I am so proud of this fic. Jaegermeister is a short one shot if you like shorter funny things ^^. Oh well, I'm not as sad as I usually am about finishing a fic because this one was very hard to keep writing, but I'm still a bit sad that it's over. I'll miss my regular commenters and I hope we get a chance to talk again.
> 
> I'm reachable on facebook, instagram, tumblr always under the username: hikarimitsuko. I'm that dumb Levi cosplayer... ;) See you soon my loves. Thanks for your time and for giving this a chance. I would love some feedback if you feel generous ♥
> 
> Mood song:  
> Twenty one pilots - I can't help

_2 years later_

**EREN POV**

“But I said I hated seafood, why would you force me to eat a lobster?” I sigh with disgust.  
“I never said you HAD to eat lobster.” Levi replies. “I only said that since we are travelling, we might as well try a few things. We’re in Maine and there’s this seafood restaurant, that’s all I said.”  
“You’re not forcing me but you’re implying that I suck if I don’t want to go.” I chuckle.  
“Oh I know how much you suck.” Levi winks. 

I laugh before finally grabbing his hand to continue walking down the small gravel path. 

“Fine. I’ll eat your damn lobster.”  
“This could sound wrong in so many ways.” Levi adds.  
“Old perv.” I chuckle.  
“How am I supposed to resist?” He smiles. 

As I push the door of the Dockside restaurant, I notice how fancy the place looks. Maybe it isn’t really a good place to have a simple lunch. I glance at Levi who doesn’t seem worried. The lady at the entrance comes to ask us if we have a reservation. I shake my head, wondering if Levi will be disappointed. I shoot him a side glance and notice him nodding. 

“What?” I murmur in Levi’s ear as the lady asks us to follow her. 

He shrugs and I can’t wait to sit and ask what the hell this is. He tricked me into eating seafood. Bastard. Traitor. It doesn’t help that it must cost an arm and a leg considering we have a table right beside the window, facing the marina and small pier. The sun is setting as well which makes me want to punch Levi as much as I want to kiss him. The dimly lit candle on our table waves with every breath I take. 

I sit and glare at Levi as soon as the menus get dropped in front of us. I quickly take mine and start ignoring Levi. His legs tangle with mine under the table. Only a smirk appears on his face as his gaze glides over his menu. The lady comes back and I was so angry that I forgot to pick. 

“I’ll take the lobster sauté and Eren will take the Maine lobster.” He says as he folds his menu. 

I look at him, dumbfounded and slightly angry. I can see he’s filled with good intentions but that he also has a tendency to piss me off for his personal pleasure. I sigh and hand the menu back to the women. 

“You’d think after 2 years my boyfriend would let me pick what I want from a restaurant, but no, apparently you know better.” I say.  
“I have my reasons.” Levi says. “Besides, I know you’ve never tasted lobster and you’re being childish about the whole thing.” 

I fold my arms and give his leg a slight kick as I smirk back at him. 

“Alright! Fine!” I add. “But when we get further down the coast, I’m picking what we eat. And don’t even try to argue about what to eat when we reach Mexico, I’ll be picking.”  
“Are you planning on killing me with hot stuff?” He asks.  
“I thought I was the hot stuff?” 

Levi chuckles and grabs my hand. 

“I’m glad we’re doing this.” He says.  
“Travelling?” I ask. 

He nods. 

“I just think that wherever we go, I have already found where I belong, so it’s fun to explore the world, knowing I can never get lost.” 

I stare at him blankly. He’s suddenly dead serious and I feel exposed. There’s a lump in my throat and my eyes tear up. I didn’t expect him to come up with something like this out of the blue. I squeeze his hand and smile. I’m about to reply when the lady brings in our appetizers and main course together. It’ll have to wait, I guess. 

*** 

An hour later, I sit back on my chair, not only full, but extremely happy about my newfound love for seafood. Of course I won’t admit that to Levi. It would be too easy. 

Levi glances outside and I look to realize darkness has already fallen so it must be pretty late. The air must be chilly so it’s going to be a cold walk back to our little cozy cabin. The little pier is now illuminated with tiny fairy string lights, making the area glow with an orange tint. 

Levi looks back at me and then, as he pays, asks a few questions to the lady, the last one being the intriguing one. 

“Are we allowed to take a walk on the pier? Perhaps even walk around on the grass and stargaze, maybe?” 

The women smiles and almost pushes us outside, explaining where we can find some of the place’s famous things. She then asks Levi if he would like to bring a bottle to celebrate. He glares at her and she slaps a hand over her mouth. 

I look at him and he just shrugs. Then we get down the few steps to reach the grass. It’s already cold and with the little bay being hotter than the air, we can see some fog start to lift in the marina. It’s surreal and beautiful and I wonder if Levi will be disappointed if the fog ends up hiding the stars. 

“I wish we brought a blanket, we could’ve stargazed. Maybe we can do it once we get back to our cabin, even if it’s less pretty than it is here?” I suggest.  
“Let’s go on the pier.” Levi says sternly. Almost nervously, even. 

I frown and follow him. The few boats parked at the marina also have little camping string lights with different shapes and colors. I can hear the waves hitting the shore a little further and start wondering how the tide affects the bay’s level of water. I must have looked too absorbed because Levi pulls on my shirt roughly and forces me to sit down on the wooden bench at the end of the little pier. 

“What’s on your mind?” He asks, resting his head on my shoulder as he sits beside me.  
“The tide.” I reply. “How it always goes up and down and yet people managed to build around it and survive there even when there are storms. It’s pretty awesome.”  
“It is.” Levi replies. “It’s a bit like us, in fact.” 

I take a moment to think and then realize he’s absolutely right. We had ups and downs and even storms and managed to survive. We had to rebuild, to find new strengths, but we didn’t give up. And even to this day, whenever we fight, we know it’s never a bad thing. 

“You’re right.” I smile.  
“Maybe Fighting is part of us. We fight against each other, against the odds, but we also decided to fight for each other.”  
“Yeah…” I reply, suddenly wondering how we started talking about this. 

Levi glances at me. He then gets up and pulls me up with him. 

“Are we leaving already?” I ask. 

He shakes his head and let’s go of my hands as he stands in front of me. 

“I wanted to come here.” He starts. “Because I knew you liked the sea. I knew you would probably appreciate the view and then this little walk. I also thought, that maybe…you’d like me to do this here.” 

He gets on the tip of his toes and kisses me softly. I lean into it, about to wrap my arms around him when suddenly his hands appear between us, gently pushing me back and breaking contact. We’re still close enough for me to see the little red box he holds in his hand right in front of my nose. I glance above it, at Levi’s eyes that are both watery and shiny. His other hand moves to open the lid and I gasp, unable to move, unable to say anything. My hand slaps over my mouth as I gasp again, tears now travelling slowly down my cheeks.  
Levi steps back and bends down one one knee. I look around, wondering if I’m dreaming this, but apparently it’s all real. He serves me a genuine smile, which accentuates the little wrinkles at the corner of his beautiful eyes. 

“Eren.” He says. 

All I do is stare straight at him as I try to catch enough air to talk. 

“Eren Jaeger, I had lost hope in this sort of thing a long time ago. And perhaps it’ll seem selfish that I’m partially doing this to make sure you belong to me and only me, but I’ve got to show you how important you are. I know that marriage isn’t actually the way of showing it, but it’s a good start and I strongly believe that it’s something we were meant to accomplish together, as marriage and its everyday life is a fight in itself to keep the love alive, to make compromises and sacrifices and push forward no matter what happens. I know I’m willing to live a thousand different lives and always end up back here, on one knee, asking you to be forever mine, asking you to fight for me, but at my side too. Ugh…” He pauses and frowns. “I had so much to say but I forgot half of it because I’m nervous as fuck. Anyways, what I mean to say is, Eren Jaeger, will you marry me?” 

The lump in my throat makes it impossible to speak and all I can do is nod frantically as the tears fall down in the crease of my wide smile. Levi gets back up and smiles back at me. He picks up the magnificent gold band and as he tries to slide it on my finger, he drops it down on the pier. Both our faces fall apart as we run after it just to see it fall into a crack and straight into the water. We fall on our stomachs as we try to reach it before it’s too late. 

“Oh my fucking god.” Levi says, rolling on his back. 

I roll to the side and glance at the sky. Then, I start giggling, realizing what Levi just asked me and how fucking horrible it ended because we’re both idiots. Levi seems pissed and slaps his hands on his cheeks. 

“Can’t we ever catch a fucking break?” He adds. 

I laugh even more and a thought crosses my mind. I look around and notice how foggy it is now. No one seems to be around either. I look back at Levi with a mischievous gaze. 

“What?” He says, raising a suspicious eyebrow. 

I don’t answer, but I get up and quickly slide down my pants. I hear Levi protesting something about how fucking romantic I am in a tone filled with sarcasm but I ignore him and keep going. I glance around before I slide down my boxers and throw my shirt to the side. 

“What the fuck?” Levi asks as I slide myself in the water beside the pier. 

It takes a second to adjust as the water is freakishly cold, but I manage. 

“You coming or what?” I whisper at Levi. 

He only stays seated a few more seconds before he smirks and quickly undresses himself to join me. He curses as soon as he hits the water. Then, the both of us head under the pier, to try and look but it’s too dark. It’s unfortunate we can’t bring our phones in the water. Levi snaps his fingers and pushes the light button on his watch. 

“Great idea” I say as we both head underwater together. 

It takes 5 times before I finally spot the ring. I’m about to pick it up when Levi slaps my hand away to pick it up himself. I giggle, which causes me to drink way too much salt water, as if it wasn’t enough that my eyes were already burning. 

Both our heads emerge at the same time and we both laugh, except mine is more of a dying cough. 

Levi asks for my hand and I give it to him. This time, he holds the ring tight as it slides effortlessly on my finger. I raise my hand, looking at the dancing fairy lights reflecting on it and making the foggy pier a suddenly very intimate place. 

“I can’t believe we’re getting married.” I say, looking back at the small shivering figure in front of me.  
“I can’t believe we’re swimming naked in front of a fucking restaurant, in the cold ass sea.” Levi laughs. 

I wrap my arms around him and pull him close. I then lift him up and force his legs around me. 

“I’ll keep you warm.” I reply, poking his cheek with my nose.  
“Looks like you’re happy to see me too.” He says, looking down between us.  
“Yeah, I just hope lobsters won’t enjoy the sight as much as you do.” I add, suddenly worried. 

Levi trusts his hips forward and then rolls them as he arches his back. 

“You’re mine and mine only.” He says, his eyes filled with lust. “The lobsters know.”  
“I am yours.” I grin. “And I’m a bachelor now…”

Levi smirks and leans in to whisper lyrics in my ear. 

“Oooh baby you want me? Well you can get this lap dance here for free.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N) Comments will always be read/replied to/ much appreciated ^_; 
> 
> Thanks so much for your time and for reading my words, it means the world to me.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Hikari -Xoxo-


End file.
